THINGS THAT ARE ENJOYABLE...3

NEW KICKS - They are so shiny, and clean and you have a million outfit possibilities going on in your head and your day is instantly brighter.

THEMED CUPCAKES - I HATE themed parties but I LOVE themed cupcakes. It's just genius, plus it's an entire little cake just for one single individual. It's almost too good to eat...almost.

PARTY PLANNING WITH FRIENDS - It is one of the biggest bonding exercises there is. Check out how much we have bonded when you get on down to the Owl for Haiti party on the 27Th, for all you West Coast Australians :)

SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE? - Or as I call it, 'SO YOU RECKON YOU CAN PRANCE?' - the judges, the outfits, the mock crying, Natalie Bassingthwaite's desperate attempts to be like Cat Deeley whilst pretending she's not in it to promote her new dreadful album etc etc it's just pure TACKtacular!

WHEN YOU ACTUALLY RECEIVE SOME WANTED ATTENTION - Like when a friend you have a mini crush on compliments you, or a hottie gives you the wink. It does to your self esteem what Purex Fabric Softener does to your pj's.

BODY CONTOURING UNDERWEAR - It shaves inches off. Hey you skinny bitches...don't judge.

It's the little things...x

Take my advice...I don't use it anyway. Part trente et un

TAKE OUT INSURANCE AND SAY YES TO EXTENDED WARRANTY - Yes yes, I KNOW you think it will all be fine and nothing will happen/break/get stolen/have red wine poured all over it, but trust me kittens, as they say...'shit happens'. The problem is, said shit will happen when you're warranty has run out. For like 9 bucks a week you are covered for thousands...so don't be a muppet and be insured. Otherwise, you will have to type your blog from a very un chic internet cafe instead of the privacy of your own pad. For instance.

DO NOT WATCH 'THE HILLS' - Like, I'm like so like totally serious like. I watched it for about 15 minutes and I could literally feel my brain start to crumble like the first cookie in the packet. What the FUCK is that shit?!

DO NOT SPRAY PERFUME ONTO YOUR COSTUME JEWELLERY - It turns it green. Not a good look darling.

IT'S OK TO HAVE YOUR BRA PEEKING THROUGH YOUR CLOTHES IF IT'S A PRETTY COLOUR - Nobody wants a glimpse of your over washed 'used-to-be-white' grey tit hammock, OK? A sexy sliver of turquoise strap or lacy pink peeking our the top of your dress is cute. Manky underwear or wearing your bra as a bikini top at festivals is a bit well...well I'm not gonna say it, but it rhymes with 'Right Mash'. Ya get me?

TRY TO KEEP YOUR PERSONAL PLANS TO YOURSELF UNTIL THEY ARE FINALISED - Otherwise all the little doubters out there get a smug little look on their face. And that will just piss you off. I've lived it, trust me.

Don't make me say I told you so x

(art by Motel 7)