Grab the Wheel and say NO baby

OK...I'm probably about to lose alot of readers after this post, but I have had it up to *here* with this label, and I'll tell you why.  Firstly, I am not a fashion blog and I have never claimed to be...mainly because I am not a fan of the stock standard fashion blogger...wanna know why?  Because their 'opinions' are never honest.  99% of the time I have seen blog posts humping the leg of some shit fashion show like it was a Marc Jacobs at NYFW or some shit.  Mean time it looked like Spotlight had a sale on and they had to put some crap together in under 10 minutes ala Project Runway.  Then these 'fashion writers' blog about how 'innovotive' 'gorgeous' 'amazing' it all was.  Vomit bucket please.  I don't doubt that these designers have talent, but don't be telling them lies because they will live under the illusion that they are the next Stella McCartney or something.  Ugh whatever, its a kiss ass industry...and I am happy to be the Simon Cowell amongst the Paula's.  ANYWAY, I digress from the subject at hand...Wheels and Dollbaby.

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Take my advice...I don't use it anyway. Part soixante-sept

KICK IT OLD SCHOOL AND GET YOUR PHOTOGRAPHS DEVELOPED - And make real life actual albums!  And remember, snaps of your holiday are only interesting to YOU...much like your dreams.  Trim the fat on the boring blow by blow details...i.e. 'This is us waiting for a cab' and 'This is us in a cab' - don't beige others to tears please.

IT SHOULDN'T HURT WHEN HE FUCKS YOU - I mean sometimes it might, like if he has an unusually large dick for example...but then...how often does that happen?  Exactly.  It may hurt slightly if you haven't had a wee and you have a full bladder.  But generally it should feel pretty wonderful.  You know your own body girl, so you know if something is a little 'off', ya know?  Sort it out.

REMEMBER: WIPE FRONT TO BACK - Can't believe I have to tell you this shit.

YOU DID NOT COME UP WITH YOUR STYLE ALL ON YOUR OWN - You KNOW you took inspo from mags/movies/music vids/people on the street.  Don't be claiming shit that ain't yours then get angrified when people take inspiration from YOU.  If you have mad style, then people will copy.  The trick is to keep it fresh...and hard to keep up with.  People can tell whether its original or not...belee dat.

FACEBOOK CHAT IS RUBBISH FOR SEX CHAT - It has technological AIDS. Skype is way better...do not underestimate the 'muscle man' emoticon and the never fail 'horny devil'. For instance.

YES CONVERSE DO MAKE YOUR FEET LOOK SLIGHTLY LONGER - But everyone knows they do, so its not like everyone is gonna think that you have canoes for feet, you get me? 

SOMETIMES, IN A WORLD FULL OF SOCIAL NETWORKS, TEXTING GAMES, TO 'X' OR NOT TO 'X' AND GENERAL MODERN PARAPHERNALIA, YOU GOTS TO KEEP THE DATING GAME CLASSIC IF YOU REALLY LIKE THE PERSON - i.e. Don't fuck on the first date.  Wrist jobs are ok though.

Up the bum means no babies xx

The Obnoxious Owl Experience - A Blur of Weeks

I say it's a blur because there are a combo of London and recent pics here from my dog and bone. I KNOW I'm still banging on about my trip...this will be the last I speak of it. I will keep the memories for myself whilst I cry myself to sleep every night. I mean FUCK, I lived there for 7 years you know?! Go easy on a girl....plus they have poppy's just growing randomly all over the place...




Does Perth have poppy's? I don't think they do. Does Perth have Chocolate Fudge Brownie FRIJJ milkshakes?

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I like my shit rose tinted

The Inspo...

The Result...

Now if someone could just photoshop the fucking bags under my eyes, I'd be sweet.

Laterz x

You want me be, somebody who I'm really not ...

She may be criticised for the song being too 'mainstream' - whatever, go fuck yourselves - you just miss pretending that you're a gangster in the clubs with your fake guns during 'Paper Planes'. M.I.A tests the boundaries and pushes the limits. She always produces beats that people aren't ready for...and ironically, her fans weren't ready for this. She is touching on the issues of the internet and how we are all in a race to be different, yet just end up being guinea pigs and the age of technology is our master. It's about how the image we portray of ourselves on the internet is a far cry from the real thing (we all know that from myspace days) along with the over photoshopped and bullshit glitter images. This required a song that sheep would follow...to prove her point - in my opinion. Sure, she's following it all the way to the bank but so what. She looks dope while she's doing it anyway.

I love the 'tacky' little images she has used which are a little bit custom to Sri Lankan culture. I don't mean that in a bad way, it's just like when you go to those Indian spice shops and they sell loads of artificial flowers and yellow gold , gilt framed images of roses and shit. I think I bought a clock from a similar kind of place when I was in London, it had that kinda frame with the Virgin Mary inside. Where the fuck is that thing now I've mentioned it...? ANYWAY, I like the song - although it's defs not my fave on the album, but I love the vid. Sozz, I know that I'm biased where Maya in concerned. Bite me.

WAH WAH WAH WAH!!!!

So I went back to London recently for a little catch up and for Glastonbury (stay tuned for that post) and whilst staying in the whimsically ghetto suburb that is Dalston, I stumbled across WAH Nails. Oh dear God. Now kids, ya'll know how I enjoy a decent mani...so this was kinda like when Charlie first walks into Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory and nearly jizzed in his pants...er, not sure if using 'jizz' and a child in the same sentence is PC or not but fuck it, I am the Owl after all ... it's expected. Anyway, back to WAH ...

They specialise in nail art ... and I don't mean that fucked Vietnamese shit you see in lesser nail salons, I'm talking real, bad ass contemporary art man! My talons were used as a canvas, and Megan from WAH pimped them up to the maximum.

This is what I had done for Glastobury. I couldnt stop staring at these puppies hey...and I bet you can't either!

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Steeze Inspo for Summer 2011

Someone mentioned Ja Rule last night for some God damn reason, not sure why ... but it reminded me of those mad collabs Jennifer Lopez used to do with him in 2001..or was it 2002? Oh bite me you fact Nazi's. Anyway, I used to fucking love those tunes. I came home and did a bit of YouTube action and in the process, got totally inspired for my look this summer. Yes Owlettes (see how I used a capital?) I am bringing back velour...you just try and stop me. This vid totes reminds me of school holidays back in Rape Town, South Africa when we used to just hang around the neighbourhood streets with boys that were bad for us. Oh the memories ... *sigh* um OK, actually the memories can stop now...*shudder*

Whatever ones opinion of 'J' to the 'Lo', the bitch is banging, you can't deny, and I want to look like her.

I'm so in the groove...

'Desperately Seeking Susan' is like one of my all time favourite flicks. Madge looks well hot in it, and 'Into the Groove' is at the top of my list of Madonna bangers. I am totally channeling her steeze from this movie in my current personal style at the moment. Check it ...

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Take my advice...I don't use it anyway. Part cinquante

HOW DO YOU LIKE YOUR EGGS? - What do you mean you don't know? These are one of the questions one needs to know the answer to in order to realise and define your personality. It goes along with your favourite colour, what kind of music you like to listen to and how you take your coffee. Being indifferent makes you neither here nor there which makes you beige. FYI - I like mine scrambled with spinach and feta.

HEY! STYLE BITERS! (THOSE THAT BITE OTHER PEOPLES STYLE AND PASS IT OFF AS THEIR OWN) - Get a clue.

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD OWN A PEARL NECKLACE - Oh get your mind outta the gutter. I know you would assume that's what I'm referring to as I am the Owl...but don't. I actually mean a string of lustrous little beads - it's a classic. They are particularly dope worn with a blouse tucked in a pair of well fitted jeans, with a black blazer and a pair of conny's. (But you really should let him blow his load on your chest sometimes - FYI)

THE POWER YOU WILL FEEL WHEN YOU FINALLY TURN THE SUCKER DOWN WHO HAS BEEN FUCKING YOU ABOUT FOR AAAGGGEEESSS WILL MAKE YOU FEEL LIKE A NEW BROAD - Believe.

MIX UP YOUR DRINKING VESSELS - I actually took inspiration for this from a friend (thanks Beck) when she told me she drinks her banana smoothie out of a 1950's wide brimmed champagne glass every morning. How chic! To be honest, I've often thought of this. Like how beautifully dodgy is it to drink cheap wine outta coffee mugs? How grown up do you feel when you sip your OJ from a martini glass? The possibilities are really quite infinite.

CHINESE TAKE AWAY DOES NOT ALL HAVE TO BE MSG - Next time, order the crispy duck with pancakes, shredded cucumber and spring onion. DON'T forget the MSG riddled plum sauce. Your welcome.

PLAY IT COOL - Except in bed. Keep that shit searing hot.

xx

I heart Sonia Rykiel

I've been a Sonia Rykiel fan since 2002 when I purchased a bottle green jumper from her store on Brook Street in London. I paid alot of money for it...like alot...MAINLY 'cause I loved the colour so much. But for seez, I just couldn't help myself. She is defs in my top 5 fave designers for many reasons...1) She is not afraid of colour. 2) She enjoys colour blocking...as do I! 3) She loves slogan tee's that don't say wanky things. 4) She loves monochrome stripes and rhinestones (um hello, how obnoxious is THAT?) 5) She's French.

ANYHOW, I was cruising netaporter.com aka 'fashion hardcore porn' and have fallen in knicker gushing lust for these 3 pieces by Mzzzz Rykiel. Defs no beigeness round here! Swoooooooooon I kinda love how the little sailboat looks as though it was done in some kind of high school home economics class yet the jumper is prolly around three million dollars. Gimme gimme gimme. Come on! This bag is made for me. How did she KNOW?!

I'm gonna use the most overused word at the moment, and I apologise, but this dress is fucking AMAZING. This is something that I would possibly put my bridesmaids in if I were ever stupid enough to get married. But for now, I'd honour it with zebra print heels, humongous gold earrings and hot pink lipstick. Tacky you say? You are.

'Oh hey baby, wanna play?'

I was cruising round David Jones Department Store today and would like to know WHY Barbie is now dressing like a high class hooker?

Who the fuck is in charge of styling over at Mattel? Paris Hilton?

And furthermore...why is it that black Barbie get's to look like Destiny's Child, and the fairer model has to resemble Anna Nicole Smith after she got dressed in the dark? (may she rest in peace)

Could we have a Gwen Stefani inspired doll to represent us please?

If I ain't obnoxious then I'm rude...

It's no secret that I have a passion for garish prints and bright colours. And obviously being from South Africa I kinda get nostalgic around anything ethnic inspired. So Rihanna's new video for Rude Boy nearly sent me into convulsions. Man alive it's amazing!! The girls body is fucking increds, but besides that...the steeze of that video is right up my style alley! Lookie...

If I could live in leopard print, bright green, purple, yellow and gold jewellery I would. This is mos def NOT beige. Some think I wear kicks to be all 'hip hop' and 'down' - puuulease...as if I need shoes to be like that. I wear them because of the bright ass colours they come in and for comfort. I have as many heels as I do trainers so shove it up your ass.

MAN I love this video...and the song ain't bad either. But seriously, these images portray the personal style I aspire to almost exactly - some is a bit 'out there' like I probs wouldn't get that close to wild animals for instance. I am just frikkin loving the whole dance hall influence that is banging about right now. My main girl M.I.A is another example...

Daang I love this woman. Now THIS is true African style. Not that burnt orange and wooden masks and rhino bullshit. I can't speak for the whole continent...but South Africa is all about recycling, bright colours and mixing shit up. And this is where it's at. Another mega style icon of mine is Jem from the 'Jem and the Holograms' fame...remember this bird? I used to have the doll and everything...

Although truth be told...I was a bit of an animal when I was younger and I preferred the 'baddies', better know as 'The Misfits' ...

Just look at those leggings! BEYOND dope. Jem and the Holograms was ahead of it's time! I wanted to be like them, and nearly 18 years later...I still do. *sigh* a world without colour is just damn straight beige. Haha, don't ever say I don't live up to my name! xxx

Take my advice...I don't use it anyway. Part quinze

COCKTAIL GOGGLES ARE REAL - When we are drunk, guys suddenly seem a lot more like Brad Pitt than 'the pits'. It's a bit of a double edged sword really, because without the drunken, embarrassing hook ups, we don't have those hilarious 'remember when I ...' sessions with the girls later. With every hot guy, one ugly duckling must come. Don't feel too bad about those cringe worthy snog fests on those messy night outs, but at the same time, try not to make it a habit. There are messy nights out, then there are MESSY NIGHTS OUT. If you know what I mean. Oh and if someone less attractive than you turns you down...you might need to re assess yourself.

MEN ARE VISUAL CREATURES - No, I don't mean great to look at, well...that too, but I mean they are visually stimulated. So don't hold back. If you want to indulge in some sexy time with a male or turn up the heat, there are a few tricks you can do ... I don't actually think I am about to tell you anything you don't already know really. But here we go anyway: 1) Let your lips glide over the neck of your bottle of beer - his mind will be awash with blow jobs and beer...it's boy heaven. Please ladies SUBTLETY is the key word here, you don't wanna be indulging the bottle in deep throat, just a gentle innuendo will suffice. 2) Let him in the change rooms when you are trying on clothes...especially lingerie. Put it on slowly and gently let your hands run over your curves and lady bumps all while acting unaware that he is watching you. 3) When you are putting make up in front of him, lean over your dressing table and stick your bum in the air whilst arching your back...he will oblige you.

ORDER THAT SKINNY CAPPUCCINO - If we're being honest, there is not much of a difference in taste between skim and full fat milk, but the calorie difference is immense. LITTLE PICKERS WEAR BIGGER KNICKERS!

THE LITTLE BLACK DRESS REALLY IS A WARDROBE STAPLE - Yeah yeah, nothing new. But seriously, it is so true. Find a basic, short, black, well fitted dress and the possibilities are endless! I'd go with more of a floaty whimsical number than a stiff, tight one. You can throw a denim jacket over it with Converse high tops for a urban street kinda look, or obvious heels for night time, but instead of just putting on the boring matching black pair, go with red, green or even neon pink...the dress is black for God's sake, black goes with everything. Add a vintage brooch with black ballet flats and a little blazer for a date or lunch with the girls, put a stripey tshirt underneath teamed with huge hoop earrings and flip flops for ice cream at the beach. Wear your hair up in a messy sexy do with strands and strands of pearls and your best 'Fuck Me Heels' to lure a prospective penis. If you have a cute black dress, you will always have something to wear.

REALLY? YOU LOVE OBAMA? - Please, do not get me wrong. I love president Barack Obama. The fact that we have a man of multicultural heritage in charge of a great nation is a positive step in the right direction in my opinion. However, the amount of cats who claim to LOVE him because Beyonce has made it fashionable by wearing a tshirt with his face on it, or because you can get Obama bobble heads just irritates me. These same people HATED George W and didn't really know why they did either, but they knew everyone else did so it must be the right thing to do. Sure Mr Obama is doing some good things, why don't you go find out what they are before you declare yourself a big fan...I guess in life we need the sheep so the shepherds don't get bored.

Yeah. I went there x