Shelley Pratt - 'TOTALLY BAKED'

If you are a reader of this blog (of course you are) then you will know I love cupcakes. I know it's current pop culture fashion for everyone to love them right now, but I really do love the suckers. If you know this, then you will also know about the party I am hosting on the 27Th Feb. So of course, an Obnoxious Owl party would not be authentic if there were not individual mini cakes scattered about in the theme of, you guessed it, owls. Now who better to commission for these dope little mouthfuls than the ultra chic and ultra cool Shelley from 'Totally Baked'? Hello and good evening, this lady made a bloody cake in the shape of an Emu Export Can and meat pie...I mean...WTF? Can you do that? Probs not. Homegirl got skillz...............

So let's have a little chinwag with this whippet of a girl...




SO MISS THANG, YOU ARE QUITE HANDY WITH THE 'OL EGGS, FLOUR AND WATER AIN'T YA? WHEN AND HOW DID YOU DISCOVER YOU HAD THIS TALENT?
Ever since I was little I have liked to bake. I did a cake decorating class in high school, which I aced. It was loads of fun. Then got offered an apprenticeship as a pastry chef when I was 15, which I stupidly turned down to complete year 12. Idiot!

WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE CREATION?
I think my Emu Export beer cake was pretty good, considering I made it free hand, no design or template to go off. I am my own toughest critic, so the best is yet to come.

WHAT IS YOUR FLAVOUR OF CHOICE?
Can't go past good old chocolate!!! Most of my cupcakes are chocolate and hazelnut, or white chocolate and almond. The ground nuts in them keep them moist and fluffy.
The bigger cakes have to be make out of dense cake like mud cake to keep them sturdy. But I can make just about any flavour, its all about experimenting.

FAVOURITE COLOUR ICING?
Black. Sounds a bit goth, but it just looks so shiny like plastic ... like you should not eat it, but you can! And pink, its pretty.

YOU DEFINITELY DON'T EAT YOUR WARES, WHAT'S YOUR SECRET FOR YOUR TINY FRAME?
Good genetics. Thanks Dad!

WHO WOULD YOU LIKE TO BAKE CUPCAKES FOR AND WHAT WOULD YOU MAKE THEM?
Johnny Depp ... then he might want to marry me.... he he.

WHERE DO YOU GET YOUR INSPIRATION?
I look at a lot of cakes on the internet which gives me ideas, and I just make things that I like. I want to make a Rubik's cube, a hippopotamus (why not?) and a record player for a certain DJ whose birthday is coming up in April. Any suggestions are welcome!


HOW'S THAT OWL? PRETTY OBNOXIOUS OR WHAT??!
If you can get away with it ... go for it!

THE LADY IS AS FRESH AS HER CAKES YO! CHECK OUT HER BLOG HERE.


To commision her for your own imaginitive delights she can be contacted at shelleymp11@gmail.com.

THINGS THAT ARE ENJOYABLE...3

NEW KICKS - They are so shiny, and clean and you have a million outfit possibilities going on in your head and your day is instantly brighter.

THEMED CUPCAKES - I HATE themed parties but I LOVE themed cupcakes. It's just genius, plus it's an entire little cake just for one single individual. It's almost too good to eat...almost.

PARTY PLANNING WITH FRIENDS - It is one of the biggest bonding exercises there is. Check out how much we have bonded when you get on down to the Owl for Haiti party on the 27Th, for all you West Coast Australians :)

SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE? - Or as I call it, 'SO YOU RECKON YOU CAN PRANCE?' - the judges, the outfits, the mock crying, Natalie Bassingthwaite's desperate attempts to be like Cat Deeley whilst pretending she's not in it to promote her new dreadful album etc etc it's just pure TACKtacular!

WHEN YOU ACTUALLY RECEIVE SOME WANTED ATTENTION - Like when a friend you have a mini crush on compliments you, or a hottie gives you the wink. It does to your self esteem what Purex Fabric Softener does to your pj's.

BODY CONTOURING UNDERWEAR - It shaves inches off. Hey you skinny bitches...don't judge.

It's the little things...x

OBNOXIOUS OWL PARTY

Yeah so what was supposed to be a small get together for all my rad Perth readers has turned into quite the extravaganza! Not that I'm complaining. During the planning process the horrible earthquake hit HAITI and I decided, along with my good friend Chris Hemingway (stay tuned to the blog to meet the geezer) to do my bit and help out - every little helps after all.

There will be beer, a Jamaican food van that Hemingway tracked down at the recent RaggaMuffin Festival, owl cupcakes, a pretty impressive music line up, prizes and much much more! I don't want to give too much away in my excitement but you would be mad not to join us. PLUS I wanna meet you all face to face! Just don't ask for any advice...I might not be in the right state of mind to give it and you'll end up looking more like Coco the clown than Coco Chanel.

Bloody love ya xx

Take my advice...I don't use it anyway SPECIAL EDITION: THE ART OF BEING DECADENT

SOMETIMES IT IS PERFECTLY FINE TO DRINK AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF WINE ON YOUR OWN - It's when it turns into a case of wine every single week that it becomes a problem. There is something quite wonderful about indulging in an entire bottle of red whilst listening to some tunes and just getting wonderfully wasted all on your own. Heck I'm doing it as I type this. I highly recommend TV on the Radio, The Strokes or The Velvet Underground for your listening pleasure.

MASTURBATE FOR AGES AND AGES - OK, this is how you need to do it. Get comfortable and look sexy, yeah you are on your own, but you ARE about to have sex with someone you truly love after all. I recommend lying in a sort of up right position with loads of pillows under your head. Make sure you tease yourself a bit first, you would get annoyed with a man if he just went for the in and out so why should you? You need to imagine your sexiest scenario...anything you want, don't hold back. You should never judge other peoples fantasy's. Some might enjoy the thought of a man pumping away at her while he wears her underwear...um, I'm just saying some people, I er...I don't actually KNOW anyone who might like this. Kinda. You need to take a few hours out of your Sunday afternoon and have some precious 'me' time. Figure out for yourself what you like and what feels good. It will make you a better teacher.

PULL A SICKIE - You need to be sensible here. If you do it on a Monday, a Friday or the day before or after a public holiday it looks suss. You also need to be feeling a little 'poorly' the day before, like you need to feel a bit run down and have a 'searing headache' coming on. Then when you call in, speak to your boss directly. Put on a little wimpy sound and a slight cough wouldn't fucking go amiss either. The next day, when you return to work, you will have to be somewhat run down too. Lose the eyeliner maybe...and the blusher for good measure. OK, so you've done it. Now spend the day wisely. Stay off facebook, in fact, stay away from the Internet and turn your phone off. Have a shower, make something indulgent like pancakes with loads of maple syrup and blueberries, put your favourite back to back box set on the DVD player and veg the fuck out. You can't do this too often mind you for 2 main reasons, 1) nobody likes a slacker; and 2) you will get a fat ass.

GO TO AN ART GALLERY/THE MUSEUM/OR A MOVIE ALL ON YOUR OWN - Buy a travelling cappuccino (aka 'takeaway coffee') and get involved in some culture. It's beyond liberating and it's totally inspiring. Plus, it sounds ultra sophisticated when you get asked, 'So, what did you do on Saturday?'...'Oh, I just caught that exhibit at the blahdy blah' ... 'Oh rad, who did you go with?' ... 'Oh just myself'. How cool are YOU!

BUY YOURSELF FLOWERS - They look and smell nice and they will cheer you up.

CLIMB A TREE WITH A FRIEND - Then sit up there and smoke a joint. Note: Obnoxious Owl is not condoning drug use, but this is a realists blog, and realists smoke doobies from time to time.

PUT YOUR FAVOURITE ALBUM ON REALLY LOUDLY AND LOCK YOURSELF IN YOUR BATHROOM - Primp, Pluck and Pamper. Get rid of all body hair. Apply some self tan. Wash and deep condition your hair. Do a face mask. Paint your nails AND toe nails. Rub body lotion all over yourself, even your tits. Your body is your temple apparently, praise it.

GET SUPER DRESSED UP, GRAB THE PEOPLE THAT MAKE YOU FEEL GREAT ABOUT YOURSELF AND HIT THE TOWN - Now, I don't mean get dressed up like a tramp, get sozzled on cheap booze and look like something that lines a birdcage by 4 o'clock in the morning. I mean put on that frock that makes you feel confident and makes your tits look great. Indulge in the most expensive cocktails that taste amazing and make you look chic for drinking them - (I love most things with the word 'cock' in the name) Walk around with your head held high and pretend you are famous and that everyone loves you. Talk to strangers - but don't be a pain in the ass, make new friends and dance like you mean it. Ain't life grand?

SOMETIMES, AND I DO MEAN SOMETIMES, YOU NEED CHEERING UP AND FOOD CAN DO THAT - Cupcakes. They are the food of the future. Think about it...it is a perfectly formed individual cake JUST FOR ONE PERSON. What the hell is more indulgent that that?!

You're welcome x