I started my 2011 in spandex

Recognize this little number from my banner? Yup, the butter pecan fudge nut sundae of girl Tiffany from BUTCHDIVA over in Brooklyn New York made this for me and new years eve was the perfect opportunity for it's first outing. My earrings are by Cubannie Links which you can cop from DirtyRich. Spandexxxxxxx is my new bestie. My other bestie Beck took the picture. Wow, I love having talented friends.  Make me seem a lot cooler than I really am.  Thanks guys! xx

The Beige List

See I think people don't really get what I mean when I say something is 'beige'. I keep seeing readers of this blog using it completely outta context! You can't call someone or something 'beige' just because you don't like it. Being 'beige' means it's non descript, boring or unmemorable. You can't hate 'beige' things...you are to feel indifferent. Someone who happens to be fairly tacky, vulgar or irritating like say Kendra from Girls of the Playboy Mansion is WAY more entertaining than Gwyneth Paltrow aka 'The Queen of Beige City' - in my opinion.

I kinda caused somewhat of a stir in my last Beige List by mentioning Poland (yes the country). It did not mean that I thought Poland was shit. It just meant that if you had a choice between Poland and say...Tokyo, watcha gonna choose? If the world were a box of crayons, Poland ain't exactly gonna be the fuchsia one now is it? Please don't beige me to tears with your pro Poland comments. Thank you. *Note: This is not a hate campaign! It's just a list of things that just don't leave a lasting impression. At least to me.

• Plain yogurt at room temperature. (not yuck, just meh)


• Anything at room temperature.


• Anything 'luke warm'.


• The name 'Luke'.


• Apples. (unless they're in a pie)


• The name 'Apple'. (God. Only Beige McGee would name a kid that)


• The Oscars (as if you care who wins best costume designer)


• Mac and cheese with no red sauce aka 'ketchup' (what's the point?)


• Chips with no red sauce or aioli aka 'fancy mayo'.


• Delta Goodrum. (Girl get a sex tape or something...I beg of you)


• Frankie Magazine


• Plain vanilla ice cream. (And I don't mean the fancy one with the vanilla seeds)


• Rayban Wayfarers. (It's been done)


• Telling me about your non-wet dream. (care factor: zero)


• Kevin Rudd. (He's no Saddam is he?)


• Your tattoo that comes with a story as long as the Bible.


• Family Crest tattoo's.


• French manicures.


• Marshmallows.


• April Fools Day. (unless you are creative. Most aren't)


• McDonald's Apple Pie. (They are always a squillion degrees too fucking hot)


• VH1's top 10 sexiest. (oh God, we KNOW it's gonna be Jessica Alba)


• Jessica Alba.


• Describing hail stones as 'golf balls'. (surely there is another comparison?)


• What you ate on the plane. (nobody cares)


• Sparrows. (unless it's Captain Jack. Plus a sparrow ain't no owl...innit?)

*Note: Just because you have a beige name, doesnt mean YOU are beige.

xxx

IT'S A CRIME NOT TO GO LIME

Soz for the lame play on words but I'm feeling a lil girly today. And I have to stress how much I friggin love LIME CRIME cosmetics. Seriously. Like Doe Deere (the creator) says, this is the usual lipstick colour palette...

I mean, it might as well be ...(shock horror)...beige!

So she answered my prayers and introduced these bad boys...

Let's be honest...make-up is grown up candy. you would be seriously bonkers not to treat yourself. Click on the banners on the side or the bottom of my blog and spoil ya selves.

I want no beige ladies at the Owl party! 27 FEB!!!!! XXXX

Take my advice...I don't use it anyway SPECIAL EDITION: THE DEFINITION OF 'BEIGE'

• Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin - Seriously now. Could you get more fucking boring? Then there is all that macro biotic shit and naming your kids after fruit and veg...so yes, I guess you could get more boring.

• Having specific nights to do everything..i.e. Monday is laundry night, Tuesday we nip down the grocery store, Wednesday we have sex etc etc Get yourself a life...they're nice.

• Being a scenester and all looking the same, then going to a gig to be 'seen' on the 'scene' and just standing against the wall looking miserable in your over styled ensemble.

• French mani's...or worse...french pedi's! Who the hell wants brilliant white toe nail tips?! (cue attack)

• Missionary position - we've come a long way now people. Although, sometimes this can be just what the doctor ordered - so let's call this more of a 'tan' than a 'beige'.

• Those bloody magazines that have pictures of a celeb (usually Sienna Miller or someone from Gossip Girl) and then they tell you where to shop to get the exact same outfit 'on a budget' - oh my shattered nerves.

• Poland. (sorry Poland)

• Those 'built to plan' houses furnished with the same old shit from IKEA. Then everyone sits on their beige sofa (come now, we know it's gonna be beige), watching Australian Idol, eating dinner off their laps (chicken parma or spag boll with 'fake' Parmesan) and then off to their beige beds to have sex in the missionary position or not at all. This is my worst nightmare realised. (*NOTE: I enjoy IKEA - but we all know what I'm talking about here)

• Tattoo's that are like so fully symbolic with a squillion meanings and the person goes on and on about the different colours and how they thought about the design and how it didn't hurt at all until they got to the boney bit blah blah blah. Get over your beige selves.

• Decorating your bathroom with a 'nautical' feel and putting seashells everywhere. Oh God. It's been done.

• Facebook Status updates that say, 'It's raining! On a day like this all I want to do is snuggle in bed and watch DVDs' - oh wow! What a good idea! Nobody else ever thinks of that...so glad you gave us such a brilliant plan! Jesus, the beigness is blinding.

• Luke warm coffee. Why is it that I have to ask them to make it 'extra hot' these days? Luke warm ANYTHING is just not enjoyable.

• 'All Age' gigs. As a friend once said; watching a band without a drink in your hand is like having sex with your clothes on. It's OK. But it's not ideal.

• Skinny jeans. Vans. a Mo when it's not Movember. Flanno. Beanie (even in tropical weather). You're like so anti everything, yet you're like so mainstream. Like oh my gosh.

• 'Themed' parties. I'm so over them I couldn't BE more over them. Let's all make a 'beige' themed party and go as a slutty nurse or something.

• Finding the perfect 'shade' of paint for your IKEA house. Let's get real...you know you're just gonna choose beige.

• Toast with nothing on it.

• Telling me a long drawn out story about your child's bowel movements. Hey man, you chose that life - spare me the details.

Beige isn't a colour. It's a lifestyle choice.

Take my advice...I don't use it anyway. Part deux

IF HE IS NOT ANSWERING YOUR CALLS NOR REPLYING TO YOUR TEXT MESSAGES ITS BECAUSE HE DOESN'T WANT TO - Yes, this is a hard fact to face. Rejection is like a big icy wind slapping you in the face, it sucks giant balls and makes you feel disposable. But the guys a douche and why bother stroking his ego when you could be stroking something else? Move on and delete him from facebook.

EATING LESS THAN 2000 CALORIES A DAY WILL MAKE YOU LOSE WEIGHT - This shit is the Gospel. Forget the soup diets, the shake diets and the no eating diets...you can't do those forever. Calorie counting is the way forward. If you burn more than you consume you lose weight. It's that basic. By calorie counting, you are not depriving yourself of anything fabulous. You can have that slab of chocolate, but you will have to accept that that is probably all you can eat that day. Portion control baby...PORTION CONTROL. Listen to me...I've lived it and learnt it.

START PUTTING MONEY ASIDE AS SOON AS YOU START EARNING - You will thank me for this. Being broke is possibly the worst feeling in the fucking universe. Well, that and not having any replies to your text messages. Don't make your head the bulls eye on the dartboard that is life.

LISTEN TO THE TEMPER TRAP - It is like they are making love to your ears.

CLEAN THE MOULD OFF YOUR SHOWER CURTAIN AND THE GROUTING OF YOUR TILES - If you don't then you are disgusting and people judge you by the cleanliness of your bathroom.

DON'T WEAR BEIGE - Beige is not a colour...it's a lifestyle choice.

GO ON HOLIDAY SOMEWHERE ELSE OTHER THAN BALI - There is a big wide world out there. Buy a globe and check the mother fucker out.

FOR GODS SAKE, DON'T WEAR WHITE TO A WEDDING - That shit is just whack.

BE HAPPY WITH YOUR OWN COMPANY - Nobody likes a clingy or needy girlfriend/sister/friend. You just piss people off and they pity you. You were given a brain, a few talents and the ability to be independant - it really is a true sin if you don't make use of these things.

PUT SOME SLAP ON - Nobody can look natural without a bit of make-up. Oh the irony.

You are all rockstars xx