Ding dong Osama's dead.

So old mate Osama got shot in the head.  Did it happen?  Sure it did!  Is this good news?  It's fucking great news! Will it end terrorism? Definitely not. I doubt I will see the end of terrorism in my life time. See the thing about terrorism as opposed to war are the innocent every day people who are sacrificed involuntarily. The innocent people who are forced to give up their lives for a cause that they know nothing about or if they did, probably didn't lose an ounce of shut eye over it. Osama bin Laden's death is a great bee in the bonnet for the war against terror, but even more so, it is some kind of relief to the families of those that were used as pawns in a cowardly mans agenda. So cowardly that he tried to use his own wife as a human shield. So cowardly that he used the noble and respected faith of Islam as a mask for his actions. Sure, we will probably be looking for another just like him again in the future, but the families and those who had to bear witness to the horrendous acts of this monster can now begin to seek some sort of comfort. The world is miles away from being perfect but it is most certainly a better place without him in it. He never lived in Paradise while on earth and I doubt he does where he is now.

Jeremy Nell - Cartoonist

I'll be honest...I first added Jeremy as a friend on facebook because I thought he was someone I went to school with. However, his funny as hell/sarcastic status updates gave it away, because there was no fucking way that the person I thought he was could have thought of such hilarity. So after a bit of a lurk (come on, you know how it is) I discovered that he was the brains behind the nationally syndicated comic strip 'The Biggish Five' as well as the front page political cartoon in The Times in South Africa.

With South African politics being more unstable than a drunk teenage girl in heels, it's no wonder Jeremy (affectionately and wittily known as 'Jerm') seems to always manage to find inspiration. I love lateral thinkers, and this man is so lateral that he wears a knitted pink elephant on his head. Like...wow.

I live ... in the northern suburbs, where the okes work on their Nissan bakkies on Friday nights, play darts, listen to Kurt Darren, and wear mullets. And by "okes", I mean "chicks".

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Take my advice...I don't use it anyway HOMME Part 5

FOR BOYS ONLY

CHILL OUT ON THE HOMOPHOBIA - It ain't sexy honey. What do you think these gay guys are going to do to you exactly? Hold you down and take your bum hole virginity whilst singing a Cher number into your ear all whilst wearing pink skinny jeans? Listen my dears, half of them can't even hold down their eyelash curlers, let alone hold you down. Straight boys getting freaked out by their homosexual counterparts just makes me want to yawn these days. They are GAY, just leave them the hell alone and stop hating. What makes me laugh even more is that most of the 'alleged' straight dudes dress and act more feminine than Elton John at a tea party. Don't stress about the gay boys sugar, they wont bite...unless you want them to.

YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT, BUY US TEA TOWELS OR BLENDERS AS PRESENTS - It's so frikkin sexy it makes us moist in our knickers. Not.

DO NOT BITCH AND GOSSIP ABOUT CHICKS - Leave that to us. There is something terribly off putting about a guy getting involved in female politics. It's all bull shit anyway, so keep your nose out and just stand there and look pretty OK? I'm kidding! Or am I ...

WOULD YOU KINDLY USE THE TOILET BEFORE COMING TO BED WHEN YOU'VE BEEN DRINKING - Hands up ladies who have had their men piss the bed after a night of boozing? Other things include in the cupboard, in their shoes...even on US - and not in a good way, I might add.

WE REALLY LOVE IT WHEN YOU COOK US DINNER - Even if you can't cook...try. You can buy those pasta sauces in jars these days - they aren't great, but they'll do, boil some linguine, mix in the sauce, sprinkle some parmesan cheese on top. Set the table with some flowers, get a good bottle of wine - splash out and spend more than 20 bucks on it and put 'Kings of Convenience' on the stereo. Seriously, it doesn't have to be fancy. We'll just love it that you made the effort. If you do all of this, and she is a miserable cow about it I THEN give you permission to piss the bed.

God speed fella's x

Take my advice...I don't use it anyway. Part quinze

COCKTAIL GOGGLES ARE REAL - When we are drunk, guys suddenly seem a lot more like Brad Pitt than 'the pits'. It's a bit of a double edged sword really, because without the drunken, embarrassing hook ups, we don't have those hilarious 'remember when I ...' sessions with the girls later. With every hot guy, one ugly duckling must come. Don't feel too bad about those cringe worthy snog fests on those messy night outs, but at the same time, try not to make it a habit. There are messy nights out, then there are MESSY NIGHTS OUT. If you know what I mean. Oh and if someone less attractive than you turns you down...you might need to re assess yourself.

MEN ARE VISUAL CREATURES - No, I don't mean great to look at, well...that too, but I mean they are visually stimulated. So don't hold back. If you want to indulge in some sexy time with a male or turn up the heat, there are a few tricks you can do ... I don't actually think I am about to tell you anything you don't already know really. But here we go anyway: 1) Let your lips glide over the neck of your bottle of beer - his mind will be awash with blow jobs and beer...it's boy heaven. Please ladies SUBTLETY is the key word here, you don't wanna be indulging the bottle in deep throat, just a gentle innuendo will suffice. 2) Let him in the change rooms when you are trying on clothes...especially lingerie. Put it on slowly and gently let your hands run over your curves and lady bumps all while acting unaware that he is watching you. 3) When you are putting make up in front of him, lean over your dressing table and stick your bum in the air whilst arching your back...he will oblige you.

ORDER THAT SKINNY CAPPUCCINO - If we're being honest, there is not much of a difference in taste between skim and full fat milk, but the calorie difference is immense. LITTLE PICKERS WEAR BIGGER KNICKERS!

THE LITTLE BLACK DRESS REALLY IS A WARDROBE STAPLE - Yeah yeah, nothing new. But seriously, it is so true. Find a basic, short, black, well fitted dress and the possibilities are endless! I'd go with more of a floaty whimsical number than a stiff, tight one. You can throw a denim jacket over it with Converse high tops for a urban street kinda look, or obvious heels for night time, but instead of just putting on the boring matching black pair, go with red, green or even neon pink...the dress is black for God's sake, black goes with everything. Add a vintage brooch with black ballet flats and a little blazer for a date or lunch with the girls, put a stripey tshirt underneath teamed with huge hoop earrings and flip flops for ice cream at the beach. Wear your hair up in a messy sexy do with strands and strands of pearls and your best 'Fuck Me Heels' to lure a prospective penis. If you have a cute black dress, you will always have something to wear.

REALLY? YOU LOVE OBAMA? - Please, do not get me wrong. I love president Barack Obama. The fact that we have a man of multicultural heritage in charge of a great nation is a positive step in the right direction in my opinion. However, the amount of cats who claim to LOVE him because Beyonce has made it fashionable by wearing a tshirt with his face on it, or because you can get Obama bobble heads just irritates me. These same people HATED George W and didn't really know why they did either, but they knew everyone else did so it must be the right thing to do. Sure Mr Obama is doing some good things, why don't you go find out what they are before you declare yourself a big fan...I guess in life we need the sheep so the shepherds don't get bored.

Yeah. I went there x