Sarah Woolley - A Retro Doll

Last month I attended the Wheels and Dollbaby fashion show and I gave it a bit of a slaying, not because I'm not an admirer of the sex that IS the pin up girl steeze.  I just like it done right...and oh my, does Sarah bring it home!  This flame haired creature caught my eye at fore mentioned fashion parade...she was the best thing about the damn thing.  I mean, just LOOK at her!  It's like The Little Mermaid came to life or some shit...um, Ariel? Is that you?  

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We are overgrown kids. We need to accept it.

I hate Halloween and I hate dress ups. Don't tell me what to wear!  But what I CAN get behind this spooky season, is this new collection by MAC make-up.  The cosmetic powerhouse have teamed up with Disney and produced  'Venomous Villains' - iLike.  I'm not really one to cream myself over Disney inspired stuff, but I have always enjoyed the 'baddies' more than anything.  What can I say I'm a sadist!  I even had an Maleficent house key once...The Sleeping Beauty bitch?   Plus lets be honest, these bad asses are way more fierce that the airy fairy princesses.  'ol Cruella De Ville has been rocking the red lippy and monochrome look WAY before Anna Wintour.  I went on a bit of a rampage today and this is what I picked up ...

 I got the red one by Cruella.  It's not as bright as one would expect, but it's bloody.  It's pretty great.

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Take my advice...I don't use it anyway SPECIAL EDITION: Owl's Beauty Essentials

Yup, I'm about to share with you my most fave products that ever lived - and trust me, I've done the legwork. I have such an obsession with make-up, skincare and fragrance because it is THE best treat you could possibly buy yourself. It's sole purpose in life is to make you a 'lil more bangin. (aw thanks guys!) Clothes just make you feel fat and food MAKES you fat so beauty products is where it's at! I'm not getting paid to promote any of these (although if anyone from these companies reads this post and want to throw some my way, gimme a holla!) So with no further delay, I give you: Owls Beauty Essentials.

I am a tan junkie. And it's no secret (as much as I try to keep it as one) that I hit the solarium from time to time. Yeah I know, naughty naughty but whatevs. Luckily I'm blessed with olive skin because of my dads Portuguese heritage, but alas, I have my mothers genetics too...and she is a ginger ninja (a nice one) which makes me pretty prone to freckles. St Tropez is a mother fuckin life saver. If I'm feeling ill, fat or gross I slap this brown miracle worker all over my bod. Hey! When I self hate I self tan! It is by far the best brand out there. I've used others and yeah they're OK but I always end up back with 'ol faithful. It looks the most natural, like I never get a 'Are you wearing fake tan?' question, I just get told 'You're looking well' which = win! Plus it doesn't have the minging chemical smell most of them have. Me and St Tropez are gonna be getting emotional together this winter, I can tell ya that RIGHT now.

Darphin skincare is the most amazing thing I've ever used ever, like EVER! Seriously. Years ago when I was living in London a friend got me onto this French marvel (of course it's French), I was feeling run down and having a skin crisis and she got me a couple of samples of the entire range. Within like 3 days my skin looked like a baby's ass after a warm bath. Increds! It's all natural and smells beeeeyewtiful. I seriously wanna root this product hey. It's a bit pricey, I ain't gonna lie, which is why I will admit, it's not always a bathroom staple for me. But when my bank account isn't undergoing rape or my skin looks like a bad day in Bosnia, I get my claws into this baby and my GOD it works. If you can't afford the whole range, get hold of the Cleansing Aromatic Emulsion - it's pretty much all you'll need. You can buy it from Mecca here in Aus, and Space NK, Harrods and Fenwick in London. To find out where to get it in your neck of the woods, peep it here.

I moisturise my entire self from head to toe after every shower. And I'm a sucker for the Body Shops Body Butters...Brazil Nut in particular. It smells so 'effin delicious I have to sometimes stop myself from licking my arm! Grapefruit is my fave in summer but I really am addicted to it's nuttier mate. It's fairly inexpensive and pretty much amazing. The only thing is though, is that it gets under my acrylics because it's in a tub. But that's my own fault for wanting hooker nails.

I looooooooove lipsticks. They are an as important accessory to my wardrobe as my jewellery. I have like 812 all up - OK, I only have 11, but you get my point. Now I like to wear it daily, and whilst I enjoy bright colours (I even have blue lippy) it's not exactly practical to be rocking rainbow lips everyday of the week. So my fave staple lip smacker is by my old friend M.A.C and the colour is 'BOMBSHELL'. I reapply this bad boy about 20 times a day and therefore go through alot of them. (Did you know if you take 6 empty M.A.C containers to the counter, they give you a free lipstick of your choice? It's all about recycling honey - true story) My favourite daily make-up look is bronzed skin, defined eyes, rosy cheeks and plump pink lips (oh get your mind outta the gutter). This colour helps me achieve said look so if that's your thing too, give it a whirl.

Now I didn't want this post to be all about M.A.C - especially as I do use alot of it. Hey it can't be helped, my younger sis is a M.A.C make-up artist so I get alotta loot, what can ya do? Anyhow, I wear liquid eyeliner every.single.day. And I have done for about 10 years. No joke. I have tried all of them. I really have. Even the cheap 2 quid one's from H&M. Therefore I can categorically say that M.A.C's liquid eyeliner is the bomb diggidy. It lasts for aaaaaaages and it's precise. It has a texter like tip so it makes it hella easy to apply, and it comes in quite a few colours. Black liquid eyeliner does to the face what a Wonderbra does to your tits. Invest in this owlettes.

Ah yes, an obvious next choice after the liquid liner is the hall of fame red lippy. EVERYONE suits red lipstick. Ya just gotta find the right shade. An absolute winner is NARS lipstick in JUNGLE RED. It is seriously Gwen Stefani worthy. I am yet to see anyone who doesn't suit this colour red. Don't say you can't wear red because you have thin lips either...get all Kirsten Dunst about it and embrace the crimson honey. Red on the lips is classic, yet makes you look instantly contemporary - so you're going out and you are just wearing jeans, Converse and a white tshirt? Slap some red on your kisser and you'll look instantly fuckable. Hit up NARS in general though, it's a pretty radical brand. A few honourable mentions that I carry in my lipstick wardrobe as far as red hue's go is LADY DANGER by M-A-C (sozz) and RETROFURIST OPAQUE LIPSTICK by LIMECRIME - pretty much the colour Snow White woulda worn if she wasn't off shagging dwarfs.

As many of you are aware, I am pretty much married to my acrylic nails. Unfortunately they aren't too kind to your own nails or cuticles. Which is why I always make sure I apply hand cream throughout the day and especially at night before zzzzz. CLARINS HAND AND NAIL TREATMENT is bloody LUSH. It smells like heaven and makes your hands feel like 30 bucks. (That's how much it costs) - so worth it though! This shit is so addictive it's like hand cream crack.

When my folks were handing out eyelashes, I'm pretty sure my sisters got dibs on it 'cause it's almost as if I was given pubic hair by accident. For seez, my eyelashes are ridiculous - and not in a good way. Which is why I need all the help I can get! Eyelash curlers save my life. Hmmm, that sounded a bit dramatic, but Imma trying to get a point across 'ere! If your eyes are your window to your soul, then don't be skimping on them! shu uemura is pretty much the Rolls Royce of eyelash pimpers. Look into it.

Alright so just one more M.A.C thing OK? Ya know like how I was saying I like bronzed skin, pink lips, defined eyes and rosy cheeks? Well. look no further than this shade of amazing. The colour is called DOLLYMIX by (yawn) M.A.C and it makes my privates tingle. I love this colour hey. It may be a lil too bright for fairer girls but if you are feeling brave, give it a try. I usually prefer creamier blushes, but I really do love this little baby. You just gotta watch you don't pile too much on and end up looking like you applied your make up with a spatula. Ya get me?

Hands up who is addicted to lip balm??!!! Yeah man, it's mental. My lips get dryer than a nun's fanny if I don't apply some lubrication on the regular. CARMEX is THE BEST. Plus I love how it comes in a little yellow tin, it kinda gives it that retro feel. I first got hooked on this when I worked for Urban Outfitters, and we used to sell around 2000 of these suckers in a week! We kept them in cookie jars throughout the stores and they constantly needed refilling. You can get it at most pharmacies and I seriously suggest you do. I bet you're an addict after the first time you try it. Keep them kissers kissable ladies!

When I was a teenager I used to put so much foundation on, ya coulda scraped some off my jaw line and used it to fill the cracks in a wall! MAINLY because I fucking HATED my freckles. Now as I get a little, ehrm, older I have embraced the freckling and prefer lighter coverage and realised that as far as foundation goes...you get what you pay for. End of. GIORGIO ARMANI FACE FABRIC is actually what the name says. Your face feels like it's been swathed in a piece of beige silk. It is seriously in.sane. It covers just enough so you look relatively flawless (more flawless than you already are awww) but kinda gives the impression you aren't wearing any. Sound too good to be true? It ain't.

I am one of them girls that has to wash her hair daily. For some unGodly reason my hair is getting finer as I creep into my 30's, which is a pain in the tits, 'cause I HATE HATE fucking HATE flat hair. Then I came across this bad ass. And I'm glad I did, because it's basically the dictator of hair products, and my hair listens to everything it tells it to do. KMS HAIRPLAY is a dry wax in spray form that won't leave your hair feeling gunky and just kinda more manageable, especially after you've just washed it and it has the texture of bum fluff. I heart this very much.

Fragrance I think should be personal. Your signature scent should be kept under wraps and lie if someone asks you what you're wearing. (FYI, if your signature scent is a celeb fragrance...we need to talk). So I am keeping my lip zipped as far as my sig scent is concerned, but what I WILL share with you is what I wear on the not so special occasions, like normal days at work, the movies, whatever. I always get asked about this and it's LAURA MERCIER in CREME BRULEE. Obviously a scent named after a dessert is gonna be tasty. WARNING: You will get asked at least 3 times a day what you're wearing if you indulge in this.

I have advised you in countless previous posts to remove your make-up before you hit the pillow. Easier said than done when you roll in at 4am looking like something that lines the bottom of a birdcage and you would rather stick a fork in your eye than get involved in any sort of beauty regime. Face wipes is proof that God is a woman. NIVEA in my opinion are ze best. It's slightly creamier than other brands, and better at removing eye make-up without dragging the fine skin under the eye. You should be keeping this in your bag as well in case you spend the night in the company of a male, and you wake up the next morning resembling Pamela the Panda. Just run these under your eye and BAM! the dirt is gone. They are also great for when you just wanna refresh your make-up before you go out and haven't got time to shower. Just wipe this over your mug then reapply. God, it's scary how much you lot need me.

The two best things for a glowing complexion is loads of water and loads of sex. But if like me you are not indulging in the latter, you may wanna get your paws onto BENEFIT HIGH BEAM. I bloody love BENEFIT. The packaging is adorable (I am easily sucked in by a good container) and whilst it may look a bit 'novelty' it defs does the job. Just run this glorious stuff along your cheekbones and brow bones before (or after actually) your foundation and you will look like you've just had the lay of your life. Hey! Some of us have to make do with material things.

You are never to young to start using eye cream. Heck I wish I started when I was a toddler (gee thanks Mum). But I didn't so therefore I spend mega $$$ on it now. ELIZABETH ARDEN PREVAGE is literally like skin poly filler. It's almost as though you see the skin tighten right in front of your um, eyes. I realise that many probs couldn't afford this (me included) but I wanted to tell you about the best I have ever come across and seriously, this is it. It's supposed to have the foreskins of circumcised infants as one of it's ingredients (er....OK) so mabes that's why it's a squillion dollars. But man oh man, I'd bath in this shit if I could...baby penis and all.

Ok so it wasn't 10...more like 16. Whatever man, I can do what I want. Lemme know if any of you use any of these, and if you don't and you give any a try, tell a girl what you think. How dope is it being a lady hey? Fuck being a man. If they are fugly, there ain't much homeboy can do about it.

Love ya xx

Take my advice...I don't use it anyway. Part trente-trois

TRY AND GIVE TO SOME SORT OF CHARITY - However small. But research your charities because there alot of sharks out there. You may think your $$$ are going to an Ethiopian orphan named Ben but it may be going to line the pockets of some fuck wit with no soul.

IF YOU ARE GOING FOR THE ROCKABILLY, 1950 PIN UP LOOK, THEN DON'T SKIMP ON THE GROOMING - The 50's were all about grooming. Yeah so you have a sleeve tattoo, wear a red bandanna and smear red lippie across your face - but your greasy hair, crumpled clothes and ill fitting underwear make you look more tramp than vamp.

GO EASY ON LEARNER DRIVERS - If there ever was a 'FML' situation, it's being a learner driver. Seriously. Give them a break. Yeah, they really want to piss you off when they are petrified at an intersection and aren't sure whether to go or not, so by hooting at them and getting all road rage about it, is exactly the kind of reaction they love. You were there too once.

RED BULL IS NOT BREAKFAST - Don't do it to yourself.

JUST BECAUSE YOUR BOYFRIEND DOESN'T TELL ALL GIRLS WHO COME ON TO HIM TO 'FUCK OFF' DOES NOT MEAN HE WILL CHEAT ON YOU - It just means he is a nice guy. Talking to them politely and having a chat is fine! Swopping digits and putting his hand up her skirt is not. You know deep down if he is a douche bag, so get rid of him if you know he is. Otherwise, don't stand next to him like a bloody bodyguard.

ANYTHING ON THE MENU THAT HAS CREAM IN IT OR IS DESCRIBED AS 'CREAMY' WILL MAKE YOU A LARD ASS - A minute on the lips, a lifetime on the hips.

psssst....Obnoxious Owl party on the 27th Feb...pencil it in xx

Take my advice...I don't use it anyway. Part trente-deux

DON'T SHAVE BETWEEN BIKINI WAXES - Unless you are into self harm that is. Ladies, you will climb the walls if they slap hot wax onto your pubic bristles and yank that shit out. Just be patient and wait for your appointment. If you are desperate and I do mean 'About to have all frill sex with Johnny Depp' desperate then neaten up the sides and trip the bonnet. But even then I'm not even sure it's worth it.

THERE IS A VERY FINE LINE BETWEEN SAYING WHATS ON YOUR MIND, AND BEING DOWN RIGHT RUDE - Think before you speak in other words.

THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS 'THAT COLOUR IS TOO BRIGHT' - Too bright for whom exactly? All the beige people of the world? Exactly.

THERE IS NO SHAME IN DECIDING NOT TO DRINK FOR THE EVENING - There doesn't have to be a moral reason, if your driving that's a good reason but if you just don't feel like it, then don't do it. Peer pressure is sooo 1996.

HAVE A GOOD THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU ACTUALLY BELIEVE IN. WHAT MAKES SENSE TO YOU. WHAT MAKES YOU TICK. WHAT YOU WANT TO MAKE A STAND FOR. WHAT IT IS YOU WANT TO PROJECT TO THE WORLD THAT SAYS WHAT YOU'RE ALL ABOUT - Then do it. Just saying that you don't believe in God for example, and not knowing why, makes you look kinda naive. Read a newspaper, maybe learn what your government is trying to make a stand for. Don't get annoyed when others are seeming to 'take over' - it's not their fault that you aren't holding tight on any personal values or beliefs. You kinda made yourself an easy target.

RED LIPSTICK SUITS EVERYBODY - The trick is to find your perfect shade.

DON'T BE CRYING OVER ANY FOOL THAT WOULDN'T CRY OVER YOU - If he wants it he can put a fucking ring on it. innit.

Love your bums x

Art by: Miss Van

Take my advice...I don't use it anyway. Part vingt - trois

WITH THE GOOD, MUST COME THE BAD - If you don't have a few fuck wits running around and pulling you down and kicking you in the proverbial face, then you wouldn't appreciate the bodacious peeps out there that make living worth while. So don't react towards too much of the negative energy...take it on board...see if it feels right and whether you can take something from it...then let it go and keep your head up and your eye on the ball. It's like playing Super Mario and the little toadstool and turtle things try to piss on your parade along the way because they don't want you to get Princess Peach. What would Mario do? He'd jump over them and kick them in the gonads and acquires a gold coin in the process. (The last time I played Super Mario I was 12 and it was on Nintendo with one of those cartridges that could hold 812 games or something). The only time they get the better of him is when he doubts himself. Don't be that kind of Mario.

SPEAKING OF PRINCESS PEACH... - Everyone should listen to Peaches. That bird is the dopest of the dope. She has a mouth like a trucker and is still grooving and looking hot in her forties. She is proof it can be done.

SLAP ON THE EYE CREAM - I've said this before. But I'm telling ya, other than your hands, those are the first things that tell your age. So don't skimp and get a good one . Elizabeth Arden Privage is pricey, but I swear to God it acts like Polyfiller for the skin. Why is it that we would spend the dosh on shoes which we only wear on a few nights out, but not on our skin that is with us forever?

AND WHILE WE'RE ON THE SUBJECT - Get involved with the 'ol sunscreen too. Keep the leather look for your belts and shoes ... burnt skin ain't chic honey.

IF YOU HAVE A GUT, YOU CANNOT WEAR A BIKINI - Let's not kid ourselves. Nobody wants to see lumpy flesh hanging over what is essentially underwear on the beach. Get a sexy one piece (there are plenty about) and get one with a plunging neckline that shows off those bazoonga's. Hide the flaws and get out the flawless. Hey man, I wear red lipstick, chandelier earings and Cha Cha Gabor style sunglasses to the beach...who said we have to be all 'surfs up' about it?

God bless my little owlettes xx