Take my advice...I don't use it anyway. Part cinquante-neuf

GET ENOUGH SLEEP - You may think you are laughing in the face of the sandman, but that little fucker will chuck you under a sand dune when you least expect it. Don't underestimate the power of the slumber, and get some shut eye. You are not a salmon.

KNOW WHEN TO SAY WHEN - I'm talking about drugs here. And for those who never partake, good for you! And for those who do ... you know what I'm talking about. Don't be that guy.

HOLDING YOUR FINGER TO YOUR MOUTH AND GOING 'SSHHH' IS THE MOST PATRONISING THING ONE CAN DO TO ANOTHER PERSON - Who do you think you are? Rhianna?

WHEN YOU GO TO A STRIP CLUB, THERE WILL ALWAYS BE A HOSTESS FEE - So don't look too shocked when service charge is a whopping 27%. Plus that is just for a bog standard pole dance. And on top of that, old mate stripper will come out looking like a dogs dinner, wearing sparkly flip flops and have a vagina that looks like cos lettuce. Jus sayin.

DON'T BE BORING - It's embarrassing.

Still in London. But my brain is on the hill in Glastonbury. I should get some kind of award for typing this shit x

Take my advice...I don't use it anyway. Part vingt-deux

GET YOUR BEAUTY SLEEP - Because without it, you are a moody, cranky bitch and you will get bags under your eyes. Louis Vuitton bags, but bags none the less. Just make sure that you get to bed before 10pm at least 3 times a week. You'll feel better for it, I swear!

FRIDAY!! WOOHOO - SO GLAD IT'S WEEKEND!!! - Oh my good gracious God this is almost as irritating as Tyra Banks. Just chill the fuck out man. Living from weekend to weekend is a complete waste of life. Catch a mid week movie, a catch up with some mates at a pub - have everyone over for dinner...whatever...just please stop with the weekend euphoria.

HAVE AN APPRECIATION FOR OLD MUSIC - Because without it, we wouldn't have new music. 'Does it offend you yeah?' is not the height of musicality - trust me.

IF THE DUDE CANCELS YOUR DATE AND DOES NOT RESCHEDULE STRAIGHT AWAY THEN BE UNAVAILABLE - Um excuse me, you have a life - and he was lucky you were able to fit him in, in the first place. Don't be waiting at his beck and bloody call - you have other things to do...such as juggling other guys, getting your beauty sleep, working on your career and taking over the world. Mr 'I cancel dates with hot chicks 'cause I'm an idiot' can just hold on for a second.

SOMETIMES YOU SHOULD JUST SAY YES TO THINGS YOU DON'T REALLY WANT TO DO - No...I don't mean sex with weirdo's, that's just not chic. I mean things like camping, or going to that gig that you aren't particularly interested in. This is when you will find yourself having an adventure and possibly meeting some wonderfully random people. Put yourself out there my darlings.

EVERY GIRL SHOULD OWN A DRESS THAT CINCHES THE WAIST AND PUSHES OUT THE BOOBIES - Well, I mean the curvy girls anyway. Every skinny girl should own one of those bodycon dresses that grip your body. Be unknowingly seductive schweetie. As a woman, you are more powerful than you realise.

Big love x