Take my advice...I don't use it anyway HOMME Part 18

FOR BOYS ONLY

ASK BEFORE YOU JIZZ - Mouth/Face/Tits - it's not for you to decide.

WE ARE DIFFERENT TO YOU - Like, we can't stay with you just because you're pretty but you are bad in bed.  It definitely seems as though you are able to date some hottie who sucks dick like a dead goldfish but nah ah...not us fellas.  Moral of the story?  Be amazing in bed.

STOP RUINING GIRLS WITH YOUR FUCK SHOW MIND GAMES - Yeah girls are suckers for it.  Yeah, some woman has probably fucked with your head once before and now you have 'trust issues' ... blah blah, well do me a favour and tell Dr Phil instead of getting under girls skin and then leaving her for wondering and anxiously checking her phone.

STOP WAXING/SHAVING YOUR CHEST! - We actually love chest hair...true story.  It's the back hair we ain't so keen on.  A lovely little tuft on your chest is way better than regrowth stubble.  Stubble is on the jawline, not the chest.  Get it right!

CARRY CONDOMS - You never know when you're gonna get lucky.  And if she is offended that you just happen to have a little cock raincoat in your pocket, then she probably deserves to get herpes or worse...pregnant.

IF YOU GO OVER TO 'WATCH DVD'S', TAKE A BOTTLE OF WINE - It'll make you look great and earn you major points.  Also, if ya feeling daring, take a dirty film and if the mood looks as though it may swing that way then maybe suggest that 'a friend of yours left one of his porno's in your car and wouldn't it be funny if you guys watched it?'  You know, say it's a friends so that you don't look like a creepy pervert. 

Wear a condom! xx

Take my advice...I don't use it anyway HOMME Part 12

FOR BOYS ONLY

YOU SHOULD BE LIKE JAY Z - And you should seek your Beyonce. Girls have game nowadays. They got money, a personality, hustling skills, imagination, most are more liberal in bed etc. Don't be intimidated. Embrace it. Become a power couple.

GIRLS DON'T MIND A MAN THAT HAS A CRY - We just mind when it's over homo things. Like if we accidentally wash your white shirt with a red sock. Or after sex. Jesus. Or if you have a 'crank' ( a cry and a wank)

WE MIGHT FAKE ORGASMS FROM TIME TO TIME - But you sadists are able to fake entire relationships! Whats worse?

DON'T SHOUT OUT HORRIBLE THINGS TO GIRLS - I think this tit bit of advo only really applies to my under 21 readers (hopefully). But I was at a God awful juvenile club on Saturday (don't ask) and a fairly attractive young whippet of a girl walked past and smiled at a dude who was standing behind me, so fuckwit screams out, "Pity you're ugly!". Now was that seriously fucking necessary? Comments like that stay with you for aaaagggggeeees. Espesh if you're female. OK, homegirl wasn't having a particularly good outfit night, I'll admit, but haven't we all? Plus old mate looked like an extra from a 1998 Boyzone video clip. So people in glass houses and all that.

TRUST YOUR GUT AND MAKE THE MOVE - If she is throwing hints your way and you think you may be interested, then ask her for her bloody number! Life's short sugar nuts, she may be the one.

USE A FUCKING CONDOM - God knows the kinda dude that has partaken in that vaginal merry-go-round before you. Sort your life out please.

DON'T BE SUCH AN ASSHOLE - (This isn't exclusive to men)

xx

DON'T YOU JUST HATE IT WHEN...(6)

...you take your car through the car wash and you forget to close the back window?

...the guy you've just had rumpy with, leaves his used condom on the floor? Manners costs nothing people.

...all you want to do is sit down at the hairdresser, read the 3 year old Vogue and sip a latte, but all your stylist wants to do is tell you about her boyfriend or what her new bad tattoo means? You just snip some barnet sweetheart, OK?

...you drive perfectly well on your own, but when there are 3 loud mouths in the vehicle you suddenly make a squillion mistakes?

...musicians that are LEGENDS start plugging their albums on talk shows and tell you how you can even download it into a ring tone? John Lennon would be rolling in his grave Ringo Star! You muppet.

...your bra straps keep falling down? It's up there with flies as the most consistently annoying thing ever.

...you live outside of Western Australia and you can't come to my amazillion party this weekend?

kisses xx