DON'T YOU JUST HATE IT WHEN ... (7)

... the dude you've been talking to starts talking to the girl you utterly can't stand? Doesn't he KNOW she is a mole?

... people who do nothing but watch Masterchef and stay at home criticize your efforts or hobbies? Yeah, they might be a better writer/DJ/dress better/musician/photographer than you, but we'll never know because they sit on their ass all day. Don't hate the playa's lazy ass.

... you're at a banging party, but you're stuck with a girl who is crying in the bathroom? FFS! Could you please go have your emotional breakdown in the comfort of your own home, or at the top of a high rise building somewhere? I wanna dance and flirt with boys!

... you specifically ask for 'no olives' and the fuckwit throws them on your pizza like it's some kinda Italian confetti? You wanna piece of me?

... Britney Spears has another meltdown? Bitch get it together please.

... you have a sneaky suspicion someone on twitter is being mildly sarcastic about you to someone else? You kinda have a hunch, but you can't be sure, so you get a mixture of paranoia and annoyance about feeling paranoid? 'I don't wanna care but I do!!!'

... you catch yourself humming along to Justin Bieber?

DON'T YOU JUST HATE IT WHEN...(6)

...you take your car through the car wash and you forget to close the back window?

...the guy you've just had rumpy with, leaves his used condom on the floor? Manners costs nothing people.

...all you want to do is sit down at the hairdresser, read the 3 year old Vogue and sip a latte, but all your stylist wants to do is tell you about her boyfriend or what her new bad tattoo means? You just snip some barnet sweetheart, OK?

...you drive perfectly well on your own, but when there are 3 loud mouths in the vehicle you suddenly make a squillion mistakes?

...musicians that are LEGENDS start plugging their albums on talk shows and tell you how you can even download it into a ring tone? John Lennon would be rolling in his grave Ringo Star! You muppet.

...your bra straps keep falling down? It's up there with flies as the most consistently annoying thing ever.

...you live outside of Western Australia and you can't come to my amazillion party this weekend?

kisses xx

DON'T YOU JUST HATE IT WHEN... (5)

... peeps don't take that layer of plastic off the display screens on dvd and music players? Or worse, when they start to take it off then decide not to and put it back, so it has a bunch of air bubbles underneath it? Like FUCK, what are they trying to do to me? I have to pull it off, I just have to.

... when someone says 'oh yeah, the closest ATM/MacDonald's/train station is LITERALLY across the street from my house? Um...unless your house is around the corner and you have to walk for 10 minutes, then yes...yes it is across the street. If you say 'across the street' I expect to look out of your living room window and see the mother fucker.

... bank people that look at your statement and give a little frown or smirk. Oi lady, you wanna take this outside of your little cubicle?

... someone says, 'oh, you know who you remind me of?' and then mention some name ya never heard of so you google the person...kinda see what they mean...and then look for the nearest sharpest object, put it on the floor, and hope you fall over at some point and land on it.

... you are 'avin a lil dance and some bitch who thinks she is like soooo totally mega cute is tryna show off all her MTV dance moves and tries to have a dance off whilst looking at you with those stupid dance faces? I never know what to do other than hold back the urge to kick her in her silly Fred Astaire legs.

... some dickhead throws in a name drop during a convo, even though they know perfectly well you have no idea who the fuck they are talking about, but they just want you to feel like you are some how inferior to them for not knowing who it is? Hey wanker, get your head outta yo ass...it ain't a good look.

Screw the wankers! x

DON'T YOU JUST HATE IT WHEN... (4)

...when you are broke and someone gives you money for Christmas or your birthday and you have to spend it on something pathetic like your phone bill?

...when you thought you had meaningless sex with somebody and then you see them kissing someone a few weeks later and the fiery ball of jealousy alights in the pit of your stomach?

...you looked particularly spectacular on a night out and there is no photographic evidence?

...you are trying to be good on your diet and then you visit somebody and they order pizza? And it has pepperoni on it with extra cheese?

...that person that was a complete head fuck a few months ago rears their ugly head again just when you are a) over them and b) in the middle of another drama? It's like they have a bullshit radar or something.

...the build up is better than the actual event? i.e. sex with somebody you've been flirting with for ages.

...teenage boys call you a cougar? How old do you fucking think I am you cheeky bastards?!

DON'T YOU JUST HATE IT WHEN... (3)

...you've just put in a fresh tampon and then like 5 minutes later you need the toilet? It's such a waste of those white cigars.

...when you meet a dude, and you start talking to him and he drops it into conversation after like 5 minutes that he has a girlfriend? Um, calm down honey...I only asked if that seat was taken.

...when you ask one of your girlfriends if you look fat or if your hair looks alright and they just keep saying you look amazing even though you know you don't? Seriously, just be honest and stop trying to be such a frikkin people pleaser.

...you are horribly hungover on a beautiful day? And you know what makes it EVEN worse? Going through your sent text messages from the night before...fuck.my.life.

...you have been having an ongoing flirtatious relationship with a male friend that you find incredibly attractive, and then, you finally have sex and it becomes awkward and the flirtation disappears? You needed to know what the sex would be like, but the thought of it was more exciting than the event? It's a double edged sword this mating game.

...those mother fucking wankers put those God awful photos of you on facebook? Like seriously, it's just downright mean and a form of cyber bullying. WHY did you have to put that photo of me just about to put a massive fork full of food in my mouth and then have the audacity to TAG the fucker and put a 'witty' (debatable) comment underneath it. This means war...

DON'T YOU JUST HATE IT WHEN... (2)

...you are sitting in economy class on an aeroplane during a long haul flight and you are packed in tighter than a ducks asshole, and they show adverts for first class on your little tiny TV screen? Um...thanks for that. We didn't realise that first class meant that your chair could recline all the way back into a bed...oh and you can have a massage too? Oh wow, AND you get complimentary slippers and pyjamas? GEE WHIZZ, if we'd have known THAT we would have spent that extra $20 000! I never say this word but 'c*nts'.

...you wake up in the morning feeling pretty perky. You feel amazing in your outfit and you apply your make up like you never have before, you SWEAR everything just fell into place. Then you run into nobody, and nothing exciting happens during the entire. bloody. day? - what a frikkin waste.

...when it starts pissing it down as soon as you leave the hairdressers and your $100 haircut and blowdry is gone, and you are left looking like Diana Ross on crack?

...scene kids start to 'love' your favourite band? What the hell do they know?

...when you walk into a party or gathering and say a general 'hi' to everybody and nobody responds and just kinda gives you a half smile. And then they all watch you look for somewhere to sit and get comfortable and carry on with whatever boring, beige conversation they were having?

...when you give a friend a present that you spent alot of money on and knew she would like, and when she opens it in front of said crowd she doesnt get too excited and just kind of murmers her gratitude...um, you'll get poo wrapped in brown paper next time if you're not bloody careful.

Yes. I'm annoyed.

DON'T YOU JUST HATE IT WHEN... (1)

...someone hits on you when you are BLATANTLY out of there league? Who do they think they are exactly? I know I'm no Miranda Kerr, but I ain't no Beth Ditto either, yes I know it's shallow, I think shallow may even be too deep a word for this rant, but I reckon you are lying if you said this wouldn't fry your bacon either.

...you are walking down the road with one of your guy friends and girls check him out? OK, I'm not his girlfriend (and I don't want to be) but THEY don't know that. It's God damn disrespectful if you ask me.

...there is no milk? Or even worse, when you think you have milk but it is sour. Fuck my life.

...the opportunity arises for you to get your freak on with the cutie you have been cruising for ages and you are between waxes? Actually, it's probably a sign you should be keeping your knickers on to be honest.

...you are listening to the radio in your car, and you KNOW they are about to play a choice tune because they keep banging on about it and then when they finally do, you are at work and you can't stay and listen to it because you're already late?

...you discover your ex is engaged by seeing the bimbo he proposed to flashing her ring in photos on facebook? She's probably not a bimbo, I'm sure she's really nice, but for that moment she is a bimbo...who also needs to get her roots done.

...you burn your tongue on your morning coffee and then everything tastes like horses ass for the entire day?

...your boyfriend/partner/crush doesn't end his text messages with a 'x' - I mean, how fucking hard is it?

...when you are posing for a photo and trying to pull a funny face, or the face you know makes you look good (you know what I'm talking about) and then some douche walks past the camera? It happens like all the time, and it never ceases to get less irritating.

...when the guy you have a crush on calls you 'mate'?

...you finally bought the madly beautiful but insanely expensive handbag after saving for ages, only to discover it is $49.95 a month later?

...your best friend decides she loves the band Elbow, wearing fascinator hats with jeans and cuts a fringe the week after you have professed to love all these things? Then you can't say anything or get annoyed because you look petty and it's not like you OWN Elbow, hats or blunt fringes but you just KNOW she is a big fat copy cat.