Take my advice...I don't use it anyway Part quatre-vingt-onze

NOBODY CARES THAT YOU DON'T HAVE FACEBOOK - Some will just think you are weird and others just get bored when you start to tell them that you 'miss bumping into your friends on the street' and over 'being friends with randoms' etc. Firstly, why only be friends with people on facebook whom you see every day? A bit fucking pointless if you ask me. Secondly, yes I know its a weird way in which to communicate but geez, don't you recks they woulda said the same thing when the telephone was invented? And then the cell phone? It's called progression. Don't wanna take part? Cool. But don't make a frikkin song and dance about it like you are some kind of exception to the rule or some shit.

CUT YOURSELF SOME SLACK - The world is totally unaware about those goals you have set yourself inside your head. The world is also clueless to the times that you don't meet said goals. It's important to never be complacent and to continuously strive to be thinner, cooler, cleverer, richer, any other 'er' that you may think is necessary, but remember that you are not a salmon.

BODY HAIR ON A CHICK IS NEVER OK - It's actually fucking gross.  Yeah yeah yeah, feminism bullshit about equality...whatever dude, if you get a tash, wax that shit.  If your knickers look like you are staging a Jackson 5 concert inside them, sort shit out. Hair removal separates us from the animals.

BLACK DICKS ARE NOT NECESSARILY LARGER THAN WHITE DICKS - This is the biggest urban legend of all time. I blame porn. The chicks on there are so full of shit.  They're always being like, 'oohhh, gimme your big black cock' and sure enough, home boys cock is pretty damn humongous.  But then of course it is! He is a porn star for Gods sake! I think black men have a reputation for having larger than life manhood because they walk with swagger and have that whole 'attitude' thing down, so you reckon they must be packing. But in reality, penis size really is luck of the draw and having a small penis is not necessarily restricted to one race or nationality. Unless you are Japanese. Or my last boyfriend. 

LISTENING TO THE BEATLES PUTS LIFE IN PERSPECTIVE - Let the simplicity of the lyrics say it all. Say what you mean and mean what you say.  

MAY RESOLUTION: Dream big and listen to The Beatles at least once a week

DON'T YOU JUST HATE IT WHEN...(6)

...you take your car through the car wash and you forget to close the back window?

...the guy you've just had rumpy with, leaves his used condom on the floor? Manners costs nothing people.

...all you want to do is sit down at the hairdresser, read the 3 year old Vogue and sip a latte, but all your stylist wants to do is tell you about her boyfriend or what her new bad tattoo means? You just snip some barnet sweetheart, OK?

...you drive perfectly well on your own, but when there are 3 loud mouths in the vehicle you suddenly make a squillion mistakes?

...musicians that are LEGENDS start plugging their albums on talk shows and tell you how you can even download it into a ring tone? John Lennon would be rolling in his grave Ringo Star! You muppet.

...your bra straps keep falling down? It's up there with flies as the most consistently annoying thing ever.

...you live outside of Western Australia and you can't come to my amazillion party this weekend?

kisses xx