'The Obnoxious Owl Experience' - Week Two

It's been a bit of a hectic week to be honest. Shits been going down in my hometown South Africa (stay tuned for an entire post dedicated to that...Owl's gonna get real) and even though I've been pretty busy with work and recreation, it's been on my mind the entire time. Anyhow...here it is...my week in pics.

Sooooooooo it was Easter. And I was on a fooking diet - which meant nada chocolate bunnies and hot cross sex buns - which is only like my most favourite bun! Therefore I requested that the bunny is not to deliver any confectionery this year. I DID however receive this bad boy from my staff...

Yes. Yes that is a chocolate Mr Potato head WITH detachable body parts. There is no temptation to tuck into this as it blatantly needs to stay in the box and look rad, innit? Said diet has kinda driven me into a bit of a spending spree (which is bad bad bad, because I leave for the UK in 8 weeks for Glastonbury and I also don't really need anything) HOWEVER...lookie at this silver bag I picked up for 2 dolla from CottonOn...

Voila! A cassette decorated goon bag! You could also probs roast a chicken in it too. I mainly use it for work to lug around my HUGE A4 diary and other such 'tings.

Now I am a self proclaimed Nike girl, Air Max to be specific (I like the elevation) but Dee from Winifred & Bance sent me a Facebook message informing me that she just got a 1980's Adidas Trackie Top in that was 'so me' (it's garish and obnoxious - she has a point) so obvs I had to buy it. I am not one to go around mixing brands so I needed some kicks to go with it, thus forcing me to cop these babies...

Oh yeah, that's what I'm talking about! Truth be told, I think I used the top as an excuse 'cause I've kinda had my eye on these for a while. That retro Adidas jacket would look waaaay better with heels and hoop earrings anyway. What's a girl to do? I'll tell you what's she to do, she's to impulse purchase THESE beauty's...

Oh God. Tell me you ain't salivating right about now. I picked them up thinking they'd be about $400 but they were just a measly 170 bucks! That's like nothing! OK OK, I shouldn't be spending when I have an international trip on the horizon but imagine me hanging out with Kate Moss at Glasto wearing these fuckers! Exactly. It's an investment.

In other news - I dyed my hair black this week and had another fringe trim. I went all edgy and had it cut on a slant like so...

I have had more fringe trims in my life than I've had hot showers. Because basically, I've had the same 'effin hair cut since I was 5 years old. Exhibit A...

Jesus. I already had the 'myspace face' mastered at that age! But see? Same hair! Hey man, if it ain't broke, you know the rest.

So new hair, new clothes and a trimmer figure (the diet paid off 'cause I lost 9kg's! kaaaching!) I took my ass out on Saturday and landed up at a house party in the city. Ran into a few lad's from Last Chance and ended up getting tagged by one of their Danish mates. Nice choice of colour bruv!

It says 'NAME' 'cause that what he writes. I think it's kinda clever. It would have been more exciting if the pen used was of the more fleshier variety *sigh* Whatevs.

I woke up Sunday morning, cleaned my chest and headed out with the fam to Perth Zoo for my sisters birthday. Highlight of the day was the elephants having a bath...

(Errr..this picture doesn't really show much)...and lunch at JUS BURGERS afterwards (yes for those in the know, it is a Sowf Efrican restaurant) where I wolfed down a Chicken Pesto Mozzarella food angel...

Sozz diet :(

Not only are their burgers arguably the best in Perth but they had a nice wall for me to look at to!

Well that's about it really. This post is probs about an 11 out of 10 for narcissism, but I ain't gonna lie, I LOVE checking out other peeps photos, so I'm sure someone will find pleasure in these. Or at least it'll take up 2 minutes of your life while you're waiting for the kettle to boil. Speaking of which - Imma go have a brew right now.

So God bless and good night owlettes x

Take my advice...I don't use it anyway SPECIAL EDITION: Single to Mingle

I'm 28 years old and give or take a few hit and misses, I have been single for 3 years. These are my views...

SEX - I'm not only starting this post with this topic because I am the Owl - (we use caps for the Owl now - fyi) - I am starting with sex because it is the number one pro of being attached. The whole 'sex-on-tap' thing is definitely something to take into consideration when considering a relationship. But then, if you were offered a box of Cadbury's dairy milk - would you want a selection of little chocolate trinkets filled with a multitude of mystery gooey centres, or a box filled with just the caramel barrels? Everyone likes a caramel barrel, so you know what you're getting and you will almost always be satisfied. But the box of randoms is fun! OK, SOMETIMES you will bite into a dark chocolate orange or coffee one, and it may leave a bitter taste in your mouth (remember - some people like those) but think of that blissful moment when your mouth is filled with a creamy delight? (innuendo not intended). Problem is, those fuckers have taken out all the caramel barrels and left the coffee ones. My point is, invest in a dildo.

IT CAN BE LONELY - When you are single for a lengthy period of time, you become pretty self sufficient. This is not a bad thing. However, it can throw out vibes that you never need anyone, so sometimes, you may feel a little lonely. You are not feeling lonely because you are alone. You are feeling lonely because you appear strong and independent, therefore people tend to not pander to you because you appear not to need them to. So, open.your.mouth and holla at your people and tell them you need a bit of company. Don't end up building this protective 'I love being single and I don't need anybody' shield around yourself - mainly because there is a ring of truth to the whole 'no man is an island' thing, but also, if you are open to the thought of a relationship, you may be giving out the wrong signal to a prospective mate, everyone likes to feel needed.

THE PRO'S (and cons) TO BEING SINGLE:

You get to have the entire bed to yourself, plus you can switch off the light whenever you want, but there is no one to have morning sex with.

You don't look like a lame ass because your profile on facebook is not one of you AND your man. Um, there is no con. This is lame beyond fucking belief. Never give up your individuality.

You don't end up having an argument at music festivals and end up making it awkward for everyone around you. You do however, have someone who has the responsibility to go to the toilet with you and buy you drinks.

You don't have a million family functions you have to attend. One set of parents in enough thanks.

You don't have the entire universe asking you the dreaded 'When are you getting married?' question. Dickheads even ask ME that fucking question. Um...I'm single you boneheads, when are you gonna get a life?

YOU GET TO WORK ON THE PERSON THAT YOU ALWAYS WANTED TO BE - See, the thing is my owlettes. I'm not a bitter single, in fact, I think I may even want a boyfriend...eventually. I just think that it is important to be on your way to achieving all your personal goals and your self esteem vats to be pretty full before you put yourself in a partnership. This will help to avoid the boneheads who cash in on low self esteem and forcing you not to just settle for the first dildo/bank account/hot water bottle with a pulse. It's slim pickings out there my darlings. You are basically picking someone to be a witness to the movie that is your life. You don't want someone falling asleep or leaving halfway through.

This all being said, I wouldn't say no to a Johnny Depp lookalike with abs like Jesus.

Be sexy. Be happy x

Take my advice...I don't use it anyway. Part vingt

DON'T EAT THAT WHOLE BLOCK OF CHOCOLATE - Just don't do it. You will hate yourself afterwards. You know you will. Minute on the lips, lifetime on the hips.

DON'T BE MEAN TO BOYS AND THEN GET UPSET WHEN THEY RETALIATE - Guys get a bad rep for being douche bags, but there a lot of young ladies out there who treat the good guys like toilet paper. Usually, behind every 'bad dude' lies a broken heart. But don't completely let your guard down, because there are also many that ARE just wankers.

EMPTY YOUR BIN BEFORE IT STARTS TO SMELL - Don't be a filthy slag.

'ANIMAL' BY MIIKE SNOW WILL ALWAYS CHEER YOU UP - Song of joy.

FAKE TAN THOSE LEGS - Brown legs are the sexiest things in summer. St Tropez is the best brand - hands down. Be sure to exfoliate first and so what if they aren't skinny? Had a look at Beyonce lately? It's all about the junk schweetie.

CALL YOUR MUM RIGHT NOW AND TELL HER YOU LOVE HER - She'll bloody love it, and one day, you'll be glad you did.

ONCE A MONTH, PICK AN OLD FRIEND TO EMAIL - It's kinda theraputic to tell them what you've been up to. It will also cheer you up to realise how much you have been doing with your life...or depressing if you have been sitting on your ass being a beige loser. Come now, put the chocolate down, fake tan your legs, put on Miike Snow and plan an outing this weekend. Then next week, email that mate and tell her/him all about it.

Love you x

THINGS THAT ARE ENJOYABLE...1

Passing your driving test. The sense of accomplishment is magnificent.

When you buy a chocolate bar from a vending machine and the sucker shoots 2 of them out by accident OR even better, when some dickhead has left their change behind.

Listening to a song that you haven't heard in ages...like what just happened to me now, Halo by Bloc Party. What a wonderful thing music is.

When you see your ex and you look smoking hot and he has a receding hairline.

Finding 10 bucks in your pocket. That shit never gets old.

When you weigh yourself and you haven't picked up a single kilo, in fact you have lost some weight even though you gorged on McDonald's the day before and feel gastronomically violated.

That song 'Domino's' by The Big Pink. It's God damn amazing.

Hotel room sex - where inhibitions go to die.

Bacon sandwiches the morning after a big night. Has to be soft white bread, not toasted with loads of red sauce. This is the Obnoxious Owl hangover cure.