Take my advice...I don't use it anyway Part quatre-vingt-seize

FACE VALUE IS A BEAUTIFUL THING - There is something to be said about those that wear their heart on their sleeve.  Usually they are upfront and honest as well...two valuable qualities in a person.  Say what you mean and mean what you say.  Computer says no to passive aggressive cowards and two faced bitches.

FUCK HEAPS OF FRENCH GUYS - They help set the standard for what is acceptable.  i.e. wining, dining and sexy accents.

AIM HIGH - And apply this mantra to everything.  The sky is the limit blah blah blah but no really. It is.

WHEN YOU GO TO KFC AND YOU ASK FOR ORIGINAL RECIPE, MAKE SURE YOU CHECK BEFORE YOU LEAVE BECAUSE THEY WILL SLIP YOU THAT ZINGER SHIT - Serves you right for indulging in the colonel in the first place.

GOING BACK TO THE FRENCH MEN... - Make sure you also fuck one of the following in your lifetime: a black dude, a dude with face tattoo's (don't fall in love though), a dude who would wear your knickers if you asked, a man who you actually love, a millionaire, a virgin (pay it forward), someone at least 10 years younger than you (if you are 26 and older), an artist of some description, a celebrity (proper famous, NOT someone from Home and Away...like we have to know who he is), an older dude, an old crush, a guy who boasts a huge dick, a guy with a not so huge dick and a chef. Make sure he makes you pancakes.

KAZZ - Owner of Caribbean Kitchen

It is no secret that I have a passion for all things dance hall and dub step (those fly girls I used to work with in London will vouch for me) this being said, when I decided to throw this soiree I wanted it to be lively, I wanted colour, I wanted sublime culture and I wanted the ghetto rawness of Kingston Jamaica and the explosive atmosphere of Notting Hill carnival. So when Hemingway attended the recent Raggamuffin festival and saw Kazz from Caribbean kitchen dishing out Jamaican delicacies, he jumped on him to come feed the faces of my bodacious 'owlettes' and provide the aroma to set the tone of the night. So hear me now and meet Kazz...he'll be bringing the flavas to you...The people of Haiti would be proud.



SO KAZZ, YOUR HERITAGE IS JAMAICAN, BUT IS THAT A SOUTH LONDON ACCENT?
No! North London love

IS THERE MUCH OF A JAMAICAN COMMUNITY IN AUSTRALIA? NAMELY THE WEST COAST?
Yeh mon nuff. We are in the process of forming a Caribbean Association in WA, we have people from all parts of the Caribbean now living in Perth

WHAT ARE YOUR FAVOURITE COLOURS?
It's the Colours of Ras Tafari
RED for the blood,
GREEN for the earth
GOLD for the sun

But yuh see I'm what you call a a true Gooner all "RED"

WHAT WONDERFUL FLAVORS WILL BE ON OUR PALETTES AT THE PARTY?
Jamaican "Jerk BBQ Chicken" (is a secret blend of herbs and spices cooked over a Wood or charcoal fire. A marinade of hot-pepper as it's key ingredient) wid Dumplins (A dough mixture is shaped into medium-size balls and fried in hot oil. Wid some Rasta Four Bean salad.

SOUNDS HELLA TASTY. WHAT DO YOU LIKE TO DANCE TO? Nuh Reggae

WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE THING IN THE WHOLE WORLD?
Jamakin-it nice!!!! Were We Bring de flava to yuh!!

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THAT GIRL, THE OBNOXIOUS OWL?
Well nice...like chicken rice haha.

Jamaican me blush Kazz x

For bookings email Kazz at bookings@carribbeankitchen.com.au or check out his website here.



YOU BETTER BE SHOWING US YOUR BESTEST WIND ON THE 27TH RUDE BOYS AND GALS X

Take my advice...I don't use it anyway SPECIAL EDITION: THE ONE NIGHT STAND

KNOW WHAT YOU ARE GETTING YOURSELF IN FOR - Do you think you might like the guy? Are you able to do this and not feel the need to compulsively message and facebook stalk him afterwards? Are you sure you are doing it because you are really horny and not just because you are attention starved? Think about these things sugar. And answer them truthfully. Because if you think you might want more...then stop yourself. Easier said then done I know. I'm like a frikkin express train...ever seen a train try to hit the breaks in a hurry? Yeah. Exactly.

USE PROTECTION - God knows where his fleshy sword has been in battle. And not only that but it's also all fun and games until someone gets pregnant.

DO NOT FALL FOR HIS LINES - Look, we are all adults here. It's the 21st God damn fucking century...chicks have cobwebs of sexual starvation that need dusting with meaty feather dusters from time to time. Be up front about what you are about to do. Get him to be straight with you. It's the empty promises that are the head fuck. If you are in for the night only, let him know, so he can drop his little game plan and both parties can enter the night of passion on an equal footing. Unless he is a sadistic bastard and gets off on treating woman like disposable razors, you do not need to give up any ass for a dick-for-brains like this. Let some bimbo stroke his non existent ego and fluff his insecurities. You are better than that.

TRY TO STAY ON GOOD TERMS - Hey, you've just been mega intimate with another human being. He has seen parts of your body not even you have seen without the help of a small handheld mirror. If you bump into him, greet him with a smile and a knowing wink. Let's be mature about it. After all, if it was good, you might want to do it again.

THE ODD ONE NIGHTER EVERY SO OFTEN CAN BE SATISFYING AND GIVE YOU A SELF ESTEEM BOOST - However...the one nighter every WEEKEND can have the complete opposite effect. These sexy run in's should be viewed as a treat my lovelies and NOT as your staple diet

LEAVE THE PARTY TRICKS AND SECRET WEAPONS FOR SOMEONE WHO IS MORE THAN JUST A REAL LIFE DILDO - Look sweetheart, this is drive through...not a three course frikkin meal. If he wants caviar then he will need to put in the effort. You will give him the standard burger and fries meal and he will like it. If he is particulary deserving then maybe you can super size it and I mean MAYBE, but don't be doing that willy nilly. The one night stand is much like fast food in the way that it always seems like such a good idea at the time...it smells good, it tastes good and it often hits the spot. Thing is with fast food though, the satisfaction in usually fleeting...and you are still left feeling hungry.

THINGS THAT ARE ENJOYABLE...1

Passing your driving test. The sense of accomplishment is magnificent.

When you buy a chocolate bar from a vending machine and the sucker shoots 2 of them out by accident OR even better, when some dickhead has left their change behind.

Listening to a song that you haven't heard in ages...like what just happened to me now, Halo by Bloc Party. What a wonderful thing music is.

When you see your ex and you look smoking hot and he has a receding hairline.

Finding 10 bucks in your pocket. That shit never gets old.

When you weigh yourself and you haven't picked up a single kilo, in fact you have lost some weight even though you gorged on McDonald's the day before and feel gastronomically violated.

That song 'Domino's' by The Big Pink. It's God damn amazing.

Hotel room sex - where inhibitions go to die.

Bacon sandwiches the morning after a big night. Has to be soft white bread, not toasted with loads of red sauce. This is the Obnoxious Owl hangover cure.