Monday, November 30, 2009

Take my advice...I don't use it anyway. Part vingt


DON'T EAT THAT WHOLE BLOCK OF CHOCOLATE - Just don't do it. You will hate yourself afterwards. You know you will. Minute on the lips, lifetime on the hips.

DON'T BE MEAN TO BOYS AND THEN GET UPSET WHEN THEY RETALIATE - Guys get a bad rep for being douche bags, but there a lot of young ladies out there who treat the good guys like toilet paper. Usually, behind every 'bad dude' lies a broken heart. But don't completely let your guard down, because there are also many that ARE just wankers.

EMPTY YOUR BIN BEFORE IT STARTS TO SMELL - Don't be a filthy slag.

'ANIMAL' BY MIIKE SNOW WILL ALWAYS CHEER YOU UP - Song of joy.

FAKE TAN THOSE LEGS - Brown legs are the sexiest things in summer. St Tropez is the best brand - hands down. Be sure to exfoliate first and so what if they aren't skinny? Had a look at Beyonce lately? It's all about the junk schweetie.

CALL YOUR MUM RIGHT NOW AND TELL HER YOU LOVE HER - She'll bloody love it, and one day, you'll be glad you did.

ONCE A MONTH, PICK AN OLD FRIEND TO EMAIL - It's kinda theraputic to tell them what you've been up to. It will also cheer you up to realise how much you have been doing with your life...or depressing if you have been sitting on your ass being a beige loser. Come now, put the chocolate down, fake tan your legs, put on Miike Snow and plan an outing this weekend. Then next week, email that mate and tell her/him all about it.

Love you x

7 comments:

sofie sticker said...

you so would be my friend if you lived over here. :-)
xx

Obnoxious Owl said...

I'll be your friend from over here instead flower x

sofie sticker said...

and it's working wonderfully so far :-x

D said...

love you, too x

Oh, Brother! said...

No chocolate...

INSTEAD! Instead, we could go on incredibly boring protein-and-vegetables-only diet!

And become INCREDIBLY skinny, and be picked up by thousands of Drop-Dead-Fredly beautiful beach boys with delicious brown hairs.

Fake tan = besties from separate testies. Even if the unfortunate wearer occasionally turns an odd orange hue...

BUTIDON'TCARE!

I DO love your blog, by the way, Ma Cherie!

Obnoxious Owl said...

Oh my goodness that is hilar...

Anonymous said...

I'm sorry but fake tan never looks good. Ever.