Take my advice...I don't use it anyway SPECIAL EDITION: My current beauty essentials Pt 5

Lemme tell you, I love make-up. It's soul purpose in it's little perfectly packaged life is to make you look better!  Unlike fucking garms that make you look fat and get you all depressed when you can't fit into a size 10 anymore! Ehrm. Moving on.

Look at this...

It's the 88 eyeshadow palette from COASTAL SCENTS for $13 US. Now we know how strong the Aus dollar is atm so flex hard wit yo credit card Aussies because shits cheap. Even if the dollar wasn't on a winning streak, this is really reasonable for a multitude of colours that will last you frikkin ages. I went through this phase a while ago of being absolutely addicted to beauty tutorials on youtube, and every one of those bitches were banging on about Coastal Scents and how reasonable it is yadda yadda so I got it.  Besides, I ain't forking out 40 clams for a single fushia pink eyeshadow from MAC when I'll probably wear it once and look like I had conjunctivitis AND NEITHER SHOULD YOU!  It comes in matte and shimmery...I went with the former.

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The Queen of Lime Crime

I while back I interviewed Doe Deere from LimeCrime cosmetics for YEN which went to print, and I discovered it on their site as well a couple of days ago. I'm all for double exposure :)

Lime Crime do reeedeeeekulos lipstick colours in blue, yellow and more Barbie pink than Barbies tiny little plastic pussy. You should check it out and colour your face in here and read the chat I had with Doe Deere - the lady behind it all here

WHAT WILL THEY THINK OF NEXT?

And keeping within my beauty stream I've got going, look at these new colours from LIMECRIME .  They are pretty incredible. You would totally need a) flawless skin i.e. a foundation that makes you look like a girl from a glossy, b) the right outfit and c) balls of steel. I have two out of these things so I might cop me the Mint to Be.

Take my advice...I don't use it anyway SPECIAL EDITION: My current beauty essentials Pt 4

Gather round ladies, Mama Owl gwaan tell ya what I use on my mug. Fuck, I'm no 'beauty guru' (beauty guru's don't say fuck for one thing) but I know what I like and I am just a little bottomless pit of opinion, so HEAR ME NOW!!

 This here is MAC's gel eyeliner pot or better known in the 'bizz' as FLUIDLINE and they call it fluid because it is. Fluid and smooth and long lasting.  Not only on your lid, but this little demon lasts a bloody age. I've had this pot near on 5 months now and shit's still just giving and giving.   You need an angled brush....exhibit A...

I have the MAC one as well. I mean, I was buying it from there and stuff and they gotta do their little upsells and flog you all the necessary apparatus. It's not like you can use this shit with your finger, the brush is uber essential, you'd think they'd throw in hey?!  Anyhow, it's not that expensive this eyeliner stuff, it's only like 40 bucks, the brush ain't too far off that.  But really, unlike boys, brushes last relatively forever if you take care of them. I tell ya, that little angled shape on this brush combined with that pot of black magic will give your eyes wings that'll make ya fly like Air Jamaica girl.

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Take my advice...I don't use it anyway SPECIAL EDITION: My current beauty essentials Pt 3

Hands up who actually buys the same product over and over?  Yeah me neither.  No matter how happy I am with what I currently use, I get secretly excited when it runs out 'cause I get to try something new.  I mean geez, the packaging is just so damn alluring. I did a beauty post a few months back here and then another one here for the thrifty.  I still swear by those products, but I've kinda moved on to a few new things only to return later to the others.  I keep this shit on rotation...makes life a little more interesting.

STUDIO SCULPT by M.A.C is something I have used in the past but went on to ARMANI FACE FABRIC which is just magnificent but sadly, so is the price. STUDIO SCULPT is a cheaper alternative.  It'll set you back 50 bucks where as the ARMANI bad boy is almost 90.  This M.A.C foundation is the perfect combo of coverage and lightness.  I HATE thick foundation but I like a bit of coverage...I also hate foundation that gives you a white face in photographs (note: anything that has the word 'reflective' in the name will give you a Casper face in pictures)  I use the colour NC30 'cause I am olive skinned and I can use something darker, but this product comes in a million different shades, going from our porcelain dolls to our ebony homegirls.  I can't stress enough that when it comes to foundation, you get what you pay for.  And please get someone to help you with the right colour...there are so many beautiful girlies out there with Dorito dust faces. Yuck.

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Sarah Woolley - A Retro Doll

Last month I attended the Wheels and Dollbaby fashion show and I gave it a bit of a slaying, not because I'm not an admirer of the sex that IS the pin up girl steeze.  I just like it done right...and oh my, does Sarah bring it home!  This flame haired creature caught my eye at fore mentioned fashion parade...she was the best thing about the damn thing.  I mean, just LOOK at her!  It's like The Little Mermaid came to life or some shit...um, Ariel? Is that you?  

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We are overgrown kids. We need to accept it.

I hate Halloween and I hate dress ups. Don't tell me what to wear!  But what I CAN get behind this spooky season, is this new collection by MAC make-up.  The cosmetic powerhouse have teamed up with Disney and produced  'Venomous Villains' - iLike.  I'm not really one to cream myself over Disney inspired stuff, but I have always enjoyed the 'baddies' more than anything.  What can I say I'm a sadist!  I even had an Maleficent house key once...The Sleeping Beauty bitch?   Plus lets be honest, these bad asses are way more fierce that the airy fairy princesses.  'ol Cruella De Ville has been rocking the red lippy and monochrome look WAY before Anna Wintour.  I went on a bit of a rampage today and this is what I picked up ...

 I got the red one by Cruella.  It's not as bright as one would expect, but it's bloody.  It's pretty great.

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Take my advice...I don't use it anyway SPECIAL EDITION: Owl's Beauty Essentials Pt 2 - For the thrifty

So the last beauty post I did actually ended up becoming some kind of Bible to some of you guys.  I had soooo much feedback which is great because now I know you all actually take heed of the shit I say but at the same time kinda freaks me out 'cause now you are all jacking my swagger!  I kid...jack all you want, it's pretty fly. 

Some of the response was that some of you liked the post, but requested I do another with some of the less pricier stuff I use.  To be honest owlies, I do my scrimping on clothes...like buying 2nd hand/Ebay etc, and I flash the cash on the beauty.  'Cause really, this stuff is an investment, however, there are some increddy products out there that won't rape your bank account, and they be ...

Revlon Top Coat.  Right, you know I'm attached to my acrylics like shit to a shoe. I enjoy them because I like having nice hands and I love nail varnish, but I HATE chipped varnish...there ain't no 'grunge chic' Ashley Olsen type shit happening up in here!  Varnish hardly ever chips when you have acrylics, it just adheres itself way better than to your OG's.  But it does go dull every few days, which is why I lacquer up my claws with this baby.  It's great for keeping your nails shiny and it dries super fast.  I've been known to shine up my talons at the traffic lights from time to time...for example.  HEY! Who the fuck are you? Constable traffic man? This is the greatest top coat I've ever tried and it's great even if you don't have fake nails.  Plus its only like 6 dolla.

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Dope free things from Lime Crime!

Ya'll know how much I love these brightly coloured hues from LimeCrime Cosmetics?! Well, if you spend over 50 bucks they throw some magic dust your way worth $48 - which is pretty wonderful.

Hit up the link and flex your visa or whatever devilish plastic you hold, using the code word DOUBLERAINBOW and get involved because it's only until this Thursday, 29 July. Yikes, speaking of 29 ... thats my new age in a few days...someone fucking kill me.
I just splurged on some gold magic dust and red lippie for my bday party. Are you in Perth on Friday? You should come! If not, you should come anyway!

xx

IT'S A CRIME NOT TO GO LIME

Soz for the lame play on words but I'm feeling a lil girly today. And I have to stress how much I friggin love LIME CRIME cosmetics. Seriously. Like Doe Deere (the creator) says, this is the usual lipstick colour palette...

I mean, it might as well be ...(shock horror)...beige!

So she answered my prayers and introduced these bad boys...

Let's be honest...make-up is grown up candy. you would be seriously bonkers not to treat yourself. Click on the banners on the side or the bottom of my blog and spoil ya selves.

I want no beige ladies at the Owl party! 27 FEB!!!!! XXXX

DON'T YOU JUST HATE IT WHEN... (2)

...you are sitting in economy class on an aeroplane during a long haul flight and you are packed in tighter than a ducks asshole, and they show adverts for first class on your little tiny TV screen? Um...thanks for that. We didn't realise that first class meant that your chair could recline all the way back into a bed...oh and you can have a massage too? Oh wow, AND you get complimentary slippers and pyjamas? GEE WHIZZ, if we'd have known THAT we would have spent that extra $20 000! I never say this word but 'c*nts'.

...you wake up in the morning feeling pretty perky. You feel amazing in your outfit and you apply your make up like you never have before, you SWEAR everything just fell into place. Then you run into nobody, and nothing exciting happens during the entire. bloody. day? - what a frikkin waste.

...when it starts pissing it down as soon as you leave the hairdressers and your $100 haircut and blowdry is gone, and you are left looking like Diana Ross on crack?

...scene kids start to 'love' your favourite band? What the hell do they know?

...when you walk into a party or gathering and say a general 'hi' to everybody and nobody responds and just kinda gives you a half smile. And then they all watch you look for somewhere to sit and get comfortable and carry on with whatever boring, beige conversation they were having?

...when you give a friend a present that you spent alot of money on and knew she would like, and when she opens it in front of said crowd she doesnt get too excited and just kind of murmers her gratitude...um, you'll get poo wrapped in brown paper next time if you're not bloody careful.

Yes. I'm annoyed.

Take my advice...I don't use it anyway. Part quatorze

IF SOMEONE IS UNABLE TO MAKE OUT YOUR CHARACTER, THEY WILL LOOK AT YOUR FRIENDS - Just like your clothes, your apartment, your hairstyle etc your friends are an extension of you. It is a very accurate ruler to measure what someone is like by the kind of people they attract or the kind of people they are attracted to. Yeah yeah yeah we shouldn't judge, but in reality, we all do. On one level or another.

HOLD UP ON THAT FOUNDATION GIRL - I swear to God, young teenage girls single handily keep the cosmetic industry in business with the amount of foundation they pack onto their young, fresh faces. As you get older you definitely start to wear less or maybe you are just able to afford better brands, I don't know. The thing is, the more you wear, the more you make people curious as to what is going on under all that gunk. Sometimes it is smeared on so thick you could probably write your name in it with your fingernail. I think when you are younger you tend to stand closer to the mirror than is absolutely necessary, so obviously you will see the odd flaw or two, but in reality, is that really how close you stand in front of people? Unless you're a creep. Listen my petals, you only need a little. And maybe spend a bit more on a product that will give you some coverage but won't look like you've used a roller to put it on? You need the right colour too, and you need to blend it into your jaw line. How many girls do you see with a different colour face compared to the rest of their body? Yeah, you know who you are. If you pour cement over weeds, they will still grow through.

I AM A BIG BELIEVER IN BUTTONS - I know. Random right? The next time you are at a school fete or car boot sale, look for those little old ladies who are selling things out of their sewing kits and rummage for some unusual buttons. If you are in a second hand store, look for interesting buttons on shirts, even if the shirt is tacky - buy it for the buttons. Go to your nearest haberdashery and find some winners there too. (I do have a point here, just give me a chance) Now you know that very uninteresting jacket that you haven't worn in ages? Put some new dope buttons on to it to breathe some fresh life into it. The most boring beigest item can look uber fresh with some interesting accessories attached to it. It's the icing on the cake. I once had this little black cotton blazer that was super cute but it had some nasty black plastic generic buttons, I replaced them with new ones that were big gold lion faces. Voila! Tres chic non?

IF YOU FINALLY WORKED UP THE COURAGE TO MESSAGE YOUR CRUSH AND HE REPLIES WITH A 'WHO'S THIS?' - IT'S NOT A GOOD SIGN - The dude didn't even think it was worth saving your number! Do not even reply to a 'who's this?' message unless you are replying with 'your mum'. Your phone number should be regarded the same as the winning lottery numbers...anyone who gets it, should consider themselves a lucky mother fucker.

LISTEN TO 'FOALS' - A wonderful band from Oxford, England. Get excited.

Bloody love ya x

Take my advice...I don't use it anyway. Part deux

IF HE IS NOT ANSWERING YOUR CALLS NOR REPLYING TO YOUR TEXT MESSAGES ITS BECAUSE HE DOESN'T WANT TO - Yes, this is a hard fact to face. Rejection is like a big icy wind slapping you in the face, it sucks giant balls and makes you feel disposable. But the guys a douche and why bother stroking his ego when you could be stroking something else? Move on and delete him from facebook.

EATING LESS THAN 2000 CALORIES A DAY WILL MAKE YOU LOSE WEIGHT - This shit is the Gospel. Forget the soup diets, the shake diets and the no eating diets...you can't do those forever. Calorie counting is the way forward. If you burn more than you consume you lose weight. It's that basic. By calorie counting, you are not depriving yourself of anything fabulous. You can have that slab of chocolate, but you will have to accept that that is probably all you can eat that day. Portion control baby...PORTION CONTROL. Listen to me...I've lived it and learnt it.

START PUTTING MONEY ASIDE AS SOON AS YOU START EARNING - You will thank me for this. Being broke is possibly the worst feeling in the fucking universe. Well, that and not having any replies to your text messages. Don't make your head the bulls eye on the dartboard that is life.

LISTEN TO THE TEMPER TRAP - It is like they are making love to your ears.

CLEAN THE MOULD OFF YOUR SHOWER CURTAIN AND THE GROUTING OF YOUR TILES - If you don't then you are disgusting and people judge you by the cleanliness of your bathroom.

DON'T WEAR BEIGE - Beige is not a colour...it's a lifestyle choice.

GO ON HOLIDAY SOMEWHERE ELSE OTHER THAN BALI - There is a big wide world out there. Buy a globe and check the mother fucker out.

FOR GODS SAKE, DON'T WEAR WHITE TO A WEDDING - That shit is just whack.

BE HAPPY WITH YOUR OWN COMPANY - Nobody likes a clingy or needy girlfriend/sister/friend. You just piss people off and they pity you. You were given a brain, a few talents and the ability to be independant - it really is a true sin if you don't make use of these things.

PUT SOME SLAP ON - Nobody can look natural without a bit of make-up. Oh the irony.

You are all rockstars xx

Take my advice...I don't use it anyway. Part un

OK, so I've been around for 28 years now and I've gained alot of baggage (both physically and emotionally) and with it, comes experience...so listen up my lovely's...

MASTURBATE. I'm not joking. Take $40 of your hard earned cash and by yourself a cute little vibrator in a girly colour like pink or lavender. PLEASE avoid those life size, flesh coloured monstrosities, they are not chic and the height of tackyness. Then settle down and enjoy some 'me' time. This is important. You need to know that those feelings you can get from sex are not because of the boy giving them to you, it's because you are a WOMAN with a powerful body and you are doing that yourself. You don't need a shitty boy to give you those feelings. I wish my mum told me this when I was younger so I didn't go through life attaching emotions to dudes who made me feel wonderful when all I had to do was service myself. Then save the good stuff for somebody worth it.

WEAR EYE CREAM AND REMOVE THAT GUNKY MASCARA BEFORE YOU GO TO BED! Seriously, those fucking wrinkles appear out of no where. And EVERYONE knows the eyes are the first to age. It's never too young to start so just do it. Go! Go now! Do it!

WEAR WHATEVER YOU WANT. Sod funny looks from people and trying to 'fit in'. You are creative and beautiful and people who snigger are just jealous of your bravery. Do it. Clash colours, wear heels to the supermarket, try that green eye shadow. Why the hell not?

DRINK LOADS OF WATER. This is the truth. It's the best thing for your skin. Every magazine and every celebrity tells you to do it. They aren't lying.

LISTEN TO THE PIXIES. They are the best band in the world. The end.

CLEAN UP AFTER YOURSELF AND PAY YOUR WAY. If you are living at home past the age of 18 and you aren't a student, give your mum some dosh for the damn groceries. Clean the toilet. Make your bed. Welcome to the real world sunshine.

YOU KNOW THOSE BITCHES AT SCHOOL WHO ALWAYS CALL YOU NAMES AND MAKE YOUR LIFE HELL? By the time they are 25 they'll have 2 kids, be in a unhappy marriage and start to look like their mums. This is no joke.

GET INTO ART. There is seriously something for everybody. It's wonderful. Try it.

DONT GET THAT TATTOO TILL AFTER YOU ARE 25! You will hate it. You really will. Your twenties are all about growing and learning the lessons. Do you even like the things or dressed like you did last year? What makes you think that ink you got when you were 18 will still be relevant when you're 30? Think about it baby. Imagine having a tribal butterfly tramp stamp at the base of your back! Yeah 'cause um...it's not like I would know...or anything. So um yeah.

That's all I got for now...stay tuned. I know I seem a bit arrogant, but I'm only telling you the things I wish someone told me.

You are all amazing x