Giogo Girls know whats up in the Nail Show. Big ups the WAH NAILS shout out!

GIOGO The Nail Show from GIOGO Girls on Vimeo.

FLASH SALE STARTS NOW! Make his crotch look like a rainbow with LimeCrime!

SHOP NOW TILL YOU FLOP

Take my advice...I don't use it anyway Part quatre-vingt-quartorze

SENDING NUDES - Sure do it. But leave your head out and avoid any tattoo's.  Also, if you send them to a bonehead expect said bonehead to let shit 'leak'.  You can't get angry with him though, it's not his fault that he is a bonehead. Or just post them yourself on tumblr before he can OR just keep your clothes on.

SOMETIMES NOT HAVING THE LAST WORD IN A TEXT MESSAGE IS THE LAST WORD - Actually it's every time.

WHEN YOU ASK A BOY WHERE HE LIVES AND THE SENTENCE ENDS IN 'AT THE MOMENT'... - ... homeboy is DEFS still living with his parents.

HATING ON OTHER BITCHES IS SO NINETIES - We live in a time where girls are actually beginning to find some self confidence and love themselves.  Eurgh, who actually gives a shit if you have always styled yourself on Beyonce and Mary Kate Kardashian and now your best friend does the same?  You're young and beautiful go be FREE and be less of a bitch. OK?

THE SKIN UNDER YOUR EYES IS MEGA THIN - Don't rub them! What the fuck are you doing?!  Look after your face you idiot.

YOU KNOW HOW YOU KNOW WHEN YOU LIKE SOMEONE? - You are always annoyed with them.  Chill out!  They never asked you to put them on that pedestal. FRANKIE SAYS RELAX!

Take my advice...I don't use it anyway SPECIAL EDITION: My current beauty essentials Pt 5

Lemme tell you, I love make-up. It's soul purpose in it's little perfectly packaged life is to make you look better!  Unlike fucking garms that make you look fat and get you all depressed when you can't fit into a size 10 anymore! Ehrm. Moving on.

Look at this...

It's the 88 eyeshadow palette from COASTAL SCENTS for $13 US. Now we know how strong the Aus dollar is atm so flex hard wit yo credit card Aussies because shits cheap. Even if the dollar wasn't on a winning streak, this is really reasonable for a multitude of colours that will last you frikkin ages. I went through this phase a while ago of being absolutely addicted to beauty tutorials on youtube, and every one of those bitches were banging on about Coastal Scents and how reasonable it is yadda yadda so I got it.  Besides, I ain't forking out 40 clams for a single fushia pink eyeshadow from MAC when I'll probably wear it once and look like I had conjunctivitis AND NEITHER SHOULD YOU!  It comes in matte and shimmery...I went with the former.

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Take my advice...I don't use it anyway Part quatre-vingt-dix

OH THE TANGLED LIES WE WEAVE THAT WE ARE NAIVE ENOUGH TO BELIEVE - Sometimes...no actually MOST times we are indecisive so when we think we have made up our mind the need to over articulate and speak about it becomes unbearable. Almost as though talking ourselves into it in public will provide us with a witness which then sets the bullshit in stone which will hopefully force us to stick to our guns. The other reason could be our quest for validation that we have in fact made the right choice. Ever noticed how when you know its the right decision that no further discussion is required and you don't need any assistance in helping you sleep at night? Wake up and smell the Nescafe Blend babe.

WE ALL COME WITH AN EX - Unless you are dating a 14 year old, your current squeeze most likely has an ex. Sometimes you might bump into them. Sometimes they might rear their head on a facebook feed. Sometimes they might send a text. Don't freak out about it and look like a fucking psycho. See? You just made me use the word I hate, but you are a frikkin psycho if you lose your shit over your boyfriend/girlfriends saying hi to an ex if they happen to be around.  Just like opinions and assholes...we all have an ex. Hell, your ex's new shag probably hates your guts as well! Let's just all agree to acknowledge that whomever we are dating at present once had a life before you and that it is all water under the bridge. (and that we all still have a sneaky wank over them from time to time)

OLIVE OIL IS GREAT FOR REMOVING EYE MAKE UP - No seriously, I was amazed at how well it works. A bit on a cotton wool pad and BAM! the dirt is gone. The oil is moisturising round your peepers as well. Double win.

BACK HANDED COMPLIMENTS - 'Oh that would look really good on you, but I wouldn't be seen dead it it' Yeah. Great. Thanks for that. Man, it's totally fine to acknowledge something is dope even though it's not really your thang.  I never understand when indie chicks are all like , 'EWWW' over David Beckham and 'SCHWING!' over Pete Doherty. Yeah sure, whatever floats your boat, but David Beckham is a looker whether you admit it or not. One can acknowledge something is decent without having to enjoy it. A bit like heavy Metal for me.

USE NATURAL YOGURT INSTEAD OF CREAM - If you wanna drop a few kay geez but still like you some pasta, use yogurt as a base to the sauce instead of cream. Don't add it to heat though, just stir it through the tomato paste or pesto. It's way kinder to dem thighs girl.  Be sensible. If you feel fat and are unhappy with the way you look, then do something about it. Just stop fucking moaning about it to your friends because they actually hate you for it. And you know they do so just stop it OK?

The Queen of Lime Crime

I while back I interviewed Doe Deere from LimeCrime cosmetics for YEN which went to print, and I discovered it on their site as well a couple of days ago. I'm all for double exposure :)

Lime Crime do reeedeeeekulos lipstick colours in blue, yellow and more Barbie pink than Barbies tiny little plastic pussy. You should check it out and colour your face in here and read the chat I had with Doe Deere - the lady behind it all here

Take my advice...I don't use it anyway SPECIAL EDITION: Life admin

Ever feel like you are losing control of your life? You know there is nothing major happening yet you just don't feel like you've got a grip on things? Shit is falling through the cracks and it makes you feel mildly anxious? I feel like that all the God damn time. I am in a continuous mind set that I 'should'  be doing something and it sucks horses balls.  I find a bit of general admin puts things into perspective.

BILLS/FINES/AND OTHER $$$$ RELATED ISSUES - This is the worst of the worst 'cause it hangs over your head like the acid rain cloud that it is. Every time I put my hand in my bag to look for something I would find another hot damn parking fine that I stuffed in there before forgetting about it. Then when I think I'm on top of something another little winner of a bill rears it's life ruining head in my mailbox. WOULD THE WORLD GIVE ME A BREAK PLEASE.  It's very easy to just throw money at whomever shouts loudest but you have to prioritise. Firstly, you don't want to lose your license, so you want to get onto anything that is fine related. Secondly, you don't want to live in darkness so pay yo bills. Phone and Internet should be last on the priority list if you are up to your ears in paper that ain't worth much, they are the more understanding folk when you give them a ring and ask for an extension. But for real, don't ignore money issues. They are sleepless night inducing fuck shows.

HEALTH - Go to the doctor and book that dentist appointment. Apply for private health and go to the supermarket and stock up on things that are good for you for once. Those fast food treats and booze benders always seem like they are occasional but before you know it, you are all up in an unhealthy highway and you need to pull your fucking head in. A few nights in and an early night or two won't go astray either.  Trust me, you'll feel better for it. Just please Lord don't become boring. Also, have a lot of rough, vigorous sex. Masturbate. Buy some toys. Watch porn on those nights in. Get sensual and healthy baby.

CLEAN - Clean your fridge, do your laundry, vacuum, take your car through the car wash.  Sterilize your bathroom, buy some new bed sheets and buy a new toothbrush. A scented candle wouldn't be a bad idea either. Be all Frankie magazine about it as well, and cop yourself some flowers and put them on the side of the bath. Then have a bath and shave your legs. You can have your first wine for the week now as well.

BODY AND MIND - Please girl, shave your legs and get your nails done. They don't have to be some mad manicure, just file them and keep them clean. Cover yourself in body lotion (even your boobs), and put on a face mask. Dye your hair and buy some new make up. Put the computer away for a bit, switch your phone off and watch a flick you've been meaning to watch or...*shock horror* .... read a book! Make a list of all the boys who are bad for you and cut the fuckers off.  Spring clean that little black book baby girl! Stop thinking about 'him' - you only miss 'him' because you are scared of the future. Don't be. It's gonna be the tits!

WORK - Have an early night and set your alarm a little earlier than normal. When you wake up the first thing you do after you pee is drink a full glass of water before you do anything else (a Korean beautician I used to have in London told me this years ago and I swear to God it changed my skin forever) then have a shower and do your hair and make up with the same amount of care you would for a night out. Get into work focused and pick up your favorite coffee. DO NOT SIGN INTO FACEBOOK. Fuck that shit right off...it's a time zapper. Start your working day as you mean to go on. Avoid office gossip. Avoid negative talk. Avoid moaning. Avoid cunts. You get paid to be there, you don't have to be besties with these people. Key word here: FOCUS.

DREAMS - Start putting them into action. The age old list system with a piece of paper and pen is still the best way to go about this. Make your dreams tangible. Nothing is over the top, aim high! (sorry if I sound like
Oprah) then make make some plans babe.  Also, don't tell anyone your plans. Keep your cards close to your chest, assholes wanna hate and put doubt in your mind. Don't think out loud and only speak about it when it starts to unfold.

Remember, keep it tight. Especially your vagina.

x

WHAT WILL THEY THINK OF NEXT?

And keeping within my beauty stream I've got going, look at these new colours from LIMECRIME .  They are pretty incredible. You would totally need a) flawless skin i.e. a foundation that makes you look like a girl from a glossy, b) the right outfit and c) balls of steel. I have two out of these things so I might cop me the Mint to Be.

Take my advice...I don't use it anyway SPECIAL EDITION: My current beauty essentials Pt 4

Gather round ladies, Mama Owl gwaan tell ya what I use on my mug. Fuck, I'm no 'beauty guru' (beauty guru's don't say fuck for one thing) but I know what I like and I am just a little bottomless pit of opinion, so HEAR ME NOW!!

 This here is MAC's gel eyeliner pot or better known in the 'bizz' as FLUIDLINE and they call it fluid because it is. Fluid and smooth and long lasting.  Not only on your lid, but this little demon lasts a bloody age. I've had this pot near on 5 months now and shit's still just giving and giving.   You need an angled brush....exhibit A...

I have the MAC one as well. I mean, I was buying it from there and stuff and they gotta do their little upsells and flog you all the necessary apparatus. It's not like you can use this shit with your finger, the brush is uber essential, you'd think they'd throw in hey?!  Anyhow, it's not that expensive this eyeliner stuff, it's only like 40 bucks, the brush ain't too far off that.  But really, unlike boys, brushes last relatively forever if you take care of them. I tell ya, that little angled shape on this brush combined with that pot of black magic will give your eyes wings that'll make ya fly like Air Jamaica girl.

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Take my advice...I don't use it anyway SPECIAL EDITION: My current beauty essentials Pt 3

Hands up who actually buys the same product over and over?  Yeah me neither.  No matter how happy I am with what I currently use, I get secretly excited when it runs out 'cause I get to try something new.  I mean geez, the packaging is just so damn alluring. I did a beauty post a few months back here and then another one here for the thrifty.  I still swear by those products, but I've kinda moved on to a few new things only to return later to the others.  I keep this shit on rotation...makes life a little more interesting.

STUDIO SCULPT by M.A.C is something I have used in the past but went on to ARMANI FACE FABRIC which is just magnificent but sadly, so is the price. STUDIO SCULPT is a cheaper alternative.  It'll set you back 50 bucks where as the ARMANI bad boy is almost 90.  This M.A.C foundation is the perfect combo of coverage and lightness.  I HATE thick foundation but I like a bit of coverage...I also hate foundation that gives you a white face in photographs (note: anything that has the word 'reflective' in the name will give you a Casper face in pictures)  I use the colour NC30 'cause I am olive skinned and I can use something darker, but this product comes in a million different shades, going from our porcelain dolls to our ebony homegirls.  I can't stress enough that when it comes to foundation, you get what you pay for.  And please get someone to help you with the right colour...there are so many beautiful girlies out there with Dorito dust faces. Yuck.

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Sarah Woolley - A Retro Doll

Last month I attended the Wheels and Dollbaby fashion show and I gave it a bit of a slaying, not because I'm not an admirer of the sex that IS the pin up girl steeze.  I just like it done right...and oh my, does Sarah bring it home!  This flame haired creature caught my eye at fore mentioned fashion parade...she was the best thing about the damn thing.  I mean, just LOOK at her!  It's like The Little Mermaid came to life or some shit...um, Ariel? Is that you?  

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We are overgrown kids. We need to accept it.

I hate Halloween and I hate dress ups. Don't tell me what to wear!  But what I CAN get behind this spooky season, is this new collection by MAC make-up.  The cosmetic powerhouse have teamed up with Disney and produced  'Venomous Villains' - iLike.  I'm not really one to cream myself over Disney inspired stuff, but I have always enjoyed the 'baddies' more than anything.  What can I say I'm a sadist!  I even had an Maleficent house key once...The Sleeping Beauty bitch?   Plus lets be honest, these bad asses are way more fierce that the airy fairy princesses.  'ol Cruella De Ville has been rocking the red lippy and monochrome look WAY before Anna Wintour.  I went on a bit of a rampage today and this is what I picked up ...

 I got the red one by Cruella.  It's not as bright as one would expect, but it's bloody.  It's pretty great.

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WAH nails 1st birthday party and Bleach London Opening!

FREE NAILS AND DRINKS AT THE KINGSLAND ROAD SHOP IN DALSTON TONIGHT!

I'm so jelly!  I miss my London family :(

Take my advice...I don't use it anyway SPECIAL EDITION: Owl's Beauty Essentials Pt 2 - For the thrifty

So the last beauty post I did actually ended up becoming some kind of Bible to some of you guys.  I had soooo much feedback which is great because now I know you all actually take heed of the shit I say but at the same time kinda freaks me out 'cause now you are all jacking my swagger!  I kid...jack all you want, it's pretty fly. 

Some of the response was that some of you liked the post, but requested I do another with some of the less pricier stuff I use.  To be honest owlies, I do my scrimping on clothes...like buying 2nd hand/Ebay etc, and I flash the cash on the beauty.  'Cause really, this stuff is an investment, however, there are some increddy products out there that won't rape your bank account, and they be ...

Revlon Top Coat.  Right, you know I'm attached to my acrylics like shit to a shoe. I enjoy them because I like having nice hands and I love nail varnish, but I HATE chipped varnish...there ain't no 'grunge chic' Ashley Olsen type shit happening up in here!  Varnish hardly ever chips when you have acrylics, it just adheres itself way better than to your OG's.  But it does go dull every few days, which is why I lacquer up my claws with this baby.  It's great for keeping your nails shiny and it dries super fast.  I've been known to shine up my talons at the traffic lights from time to time...for example.  HEY! Who the fuck are you? Constable traffic man? This is the greatest top coat I've ever tried and it's great even if you don't have fake nails.  Plus its only like 6 dolla.

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WAH WAH WAH WAH!!!!

So I went back to London recently for a little catch up and for Glastonbury (stay tuned for that post) and whilst staying in the whimsically ghetto suburb that is Dalston, I stumbled across WAH Nails. Oh dear God. Now kids, ya'll know how I enjoy a decent mani...so this was kinda like when Charlie first walks into Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory and nearly jizzed in his pants...er, not sure if using 'jizz' and a child in the same sentence is PC or not but fuck it, I am the Owl after all ... it's expected. Anyway, back to WAH ...

They specialise in nail art ... and I don't mean that fucked Vietnamese shit you see in lesser nail salons, I'm talking real, bad ass contemporary art man! My talons were used as a canvas, and Megan from WAH pimped them up to the maximum.

This is what I had done for Glastobury. I couldnt stop staring at these puppies hey...and I bet you can't either!

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Take my advice...I don't use it anyway SPECIAL EDITION: It's my birthday and I'll advise if I want to

With my pending birth nuptials tomorrow, I am feeling pretty 'meh' , thus causing me to write. I'm turning 29, which means it's almost the end of my twenties which means I will soon no longer be a 'pretend' adult and have to be a real one. Imma have to get used to the number 3 pretty damn soon innit? Here are 29 things I have learnt ...

1. NOBODY WILL JUDGE YOU IF YOU OPT FOR CUTLERY - I never quite got the hang of chopsticks.


2. IF HE CAN'T GET HARD THE FIRST TIME, DUMP HIM - Brutal, but you know it makes sense.


3. THE 'ADVICE' IN FASHION MAGAZINES ARE WRITTEN BY SEXUALLY FRUSTRATED BORING BITCHES WITH ZERO IMAGINATION - Except for Vogue. And Yen - because I am doing the writing for that one. Contradiction you say? Fuck off, it's MY blog.


4. PARTY HARD - As long as its not hurting anyone and you're having a good time. And go easy on the party favours.


5. START SAVING AS SOON AS YOU START EARNING - Getting sexy new things is dope, but being broke ain't sexy.


6. USE EYE CREAM - Prevention is way better than the fuck show that is botox.


7. MAKE DECISIONS BASED ON YOUR GUT INSTINCT - And not based another persons agenda. The only person who has your best interests at heart is YOU. And God - and not even he speaks up when you most need him.


8. STAY IN TOUCH WITH PEOPLE THAT MEAN SOMETHING TO YOU - Even if it's just one email a year, it makes the difference.


9. IF YOU HAVE DOUBTS ABOUT THE RELATIONSHIP YOU ARE IN, GET OUT EARLY - Don't stretch it to longer than a year. And when I say doubts I mean life changing doubts, not doubts about curtain colours.


10. DON'T LIKE YOUR JOB? - Change it. It really is that simple and you know it.


11. DON'T BE AFRAID OF HARD WORK - And don't let hard work fuck you.


12. TRY NOT TO OVER ANALYSE EVERY FREAKIN MOVE - Risks are good for the soul. Well, maybe not for the soul, but they make you hella less boring.


13. MOISTURISE - Dude, I'm serious. Shit gets real if you don't keep that shit smooth.


14. YES GIRLS, THERE IS SUCH A THING AS FEMALE EJACULATION - If homeboy is able to make you squirt...he's a keeper.


15. SO YOU DON'T HAVE A HUSBAND/MORTGAGE/KIDS - AND YOU ARE ALMOST 30? - *round of applause* you've obviously been having a life. And you do have all those things? Ditto. Different strokes for different folks peeps.


16. YOU WILL EVENTUALLY LOVE THE SKIN YOU'RE IN - Plus you will learn to rock the hell out of it.


17. WHO CARES WHAT PEOPLE THINK? Nobody. That's who.


18. HAVE LOTS OF SEX - Lots.


19. YOUR FOLKS AREN'T PERFECT - It doesn't make them bad people it just makes them people. You aren't meant to be under their wings forever anyway. Fly my babies...FLY!


20. GET RID OF DEAD WEIGHT - And by weight I mean physical as well as any people clutter you may have hanging around. You are allowed a certain amount in your twenties, but near the end you need to start doing some emotional/physical/people spring cleaning yo!


21. TRAVEL - Going to resorts in Bali/Phuket/Mauritius/Mangaluf/Benadorm don't count. Yes, fight me on this all you want - care factor: zero


22. USE A FUCKING CONDOM - For the love of God and unwanted pregnancies/genital disease.


23. TATTOOS ARE FINE - Just don't choose dumb ones and don't be hasty.


24. FIND OUT WHAT YOU ARE GOOD AT - And pimp the life out of it. You were meant to, it's why you have the talent! Singing/drawing/writing/painting/selling stuff/teaching/creating/being good with kids/being good with animals/blow jobs/making people laugh/dressing well/doing fancy things on the internet (not making DIY porn with an unsuspecting other) - whatever it is ... just do it.


25. DRESS TO IMPRESS - If for no other reason than it is alot of fun.


26. READ THE PAPER, WATCH THE NEWS - We live in a fucked up world, and it's better the devil you know.


27. BEING A RACIST OR A HOMOPHOBE WILL GET YOU NOWHERE - Like, it will totally get you voted off the island.


28. GET RID OF YOUR 'TYPE' AND BE OPEN TO ALL KINDS OF PEOPLE, IN ALL SHAPES AND SIZES - Broaden your horizons, there are many undiscovered treasures out there in the form of some quite wonderful people. And be aware, there are also a fair few cunts.


29. LIFE ISN'T A RACE, IT'S A MARATHON - A 19 year old said this to me a month ago. Go Figure.

Dope free things from Lime Crime!

Ya'll know how much I love these brightly coloured hues from LimeCrime Cosmetics?! Well, if you spend over 50 bucks they throw some magic dust your way worth $48 - which is pretty wonderful.

Hit up the link and flex your visa or whatever devilish plastic you hold, using the code word DOUBLERAINBOW and get involved because it's only until this Thursday, 29 July. Yikes, speaking of 29 ... thats my new age in a few days...someone fucking kill me.
I just splurged on some gold magic dust and red lippie for my bday party. Are you in Perth on Friday? You should come! If not, you should come anyway!

xx

Take my advice...I don't use it anyway. Part quarante-huit

THE CORRECT PRONUNCIATION OF 'CROISSANT' - This is a tricky one. Because if you pronounce it as it's spelt when you're in Europe, you seem like an uneducated pleb. Pronounce it correctly here in Aus and you sound kinda wanky. I think it's a French word and should be pronounced as such...if you know how. 'cause if you KNOW how to say it, you should, but if others don't and you correct them, you sound like a wanker. Do I make the sense?

JUST BECAUSE A GIRL HAS A PIXIE HAIRCUT ALA TEAGAN AND SARA, DOES NOT MEAN SHE IS A LEZZA - It just means she looks like one.

DO NOT SQUEEZE YOUR SPOTS WITH DIRTY HANDS - Geez louise. It's your fucking face dude! Go easy on it! I asked my friend over the weekend what she would rather have, a pretty face or a banging bod? Without hesitation she said, 'A pretty face for sure! What would you rather wake up to?!' - nuff said.

IF YOU ARE FEELING LIKE SHIT AND LOOK IN THE MIRROR AND SEE A MONSTER STARING BACK, TAKE A WALK OUTSIDE... - And have a look around you. Yup. There are millions who are way uglier than you are. Take strength in that.

THERE IS NO SHAME IN EATING HUMMUS AND CRACKERS FOR DINNER - Throw in a glass of red and you are positively chic.

IF YOU MUST STARE, THEN HAVE THE DECENCY TO LOOK AWAY WHEN THEY CATCH YOU - Unless it's a boy and he is hot...just give a coy smile and THEN look away. But for the love of God, don't just keep on dead pan staring you fucking weirdo. Also, if you are sitting in your friends room while she gets dressed, read a magazine or something, just don't bloody stare like a freakazoid. Same goes for watching people eat. Talk about social retardation.

ALL YOUR FRIENDS AT SOME POINT HAVE SAID SOMETHING UNFLATTERING ABOUT YOU - Don't ask me how I know, I just do.

God, we're all slightly fucked up innit? Where do you think I get my material from?! xx

Take my advice...I don't use it anyway SPECIAL EDITION: Owl's Beauty Essentials

Yup, I'm about to share with you my most fave products that ever lived - and trust me, I've done the legwork. I have such an obsession with make-up, skincare and fragrance because it is THE best treat you could possibly buy yourself. It's sole purpose in life is to make you a 'lil more bangin. (aw thanks guys!) Clothes just make you feel fat and food MAKES you fat so beauty products is where it's at! I'm not getting paid to promote any of these (although if anyone from these companies reads this post and want to throw some my way, gimme a holla!) So with no further delay, I give you: Owls Beauty Essentials.

I am a tan junkie. And it's no secret (as much as I try to keep it as one) that I hit the solarium from time to time. Yeah I know, naughty naughty but whatevs. Luckily I'm blessed with olive skin because of my dads Portuguese heritage, but alas, I have my mothers genetics too...and she is a ginger ninja (a nice one) which makes me pretty prone to freckles. St Tropez is a mother fuckin life saver. If I'm feeling ill, fat or gross I slap this brown miracle worker all over my bod. Hey! When I self hate I self tan! It is by far the best brand out there. I've used others and yeah they're OK but I always end up back with 'ol faithful. It looks the most natural, like I never get a 'Are you wearing fake tan?' question, I just get told 'You're looking well' which = win! Plus it doesn't have the minging chemical smell most of them have. Me and St Tropez are gonna be getting emotional together this winter, I can tell ya that RIGHT now.

Darphin skincare is the most amazing thing I've ever used ever, like EVER! Seriously. Years ago when I was living in London a friend got me onto this French marvel (of course it's French), I was feeling run down and having a skin crisis and she got me a couple of samples of the entire range. Within like 3 days my skin looked like a baby's ass after a warm bath. Increds! It's all natural and smells beeeeyewtiful. I seriously wanna root this product hey. It's a bit pricey, I ain't gonna lie, which is why I will admit, it's not always a bathroom staple for me. But when my bank account isn't undergoing rape or my skin looks like a bad day in Bosnia, I get my claws into this baby and my GOD it works. If you can't afford the whole range, get hold of the Cleansing Aromatic Emulsion - it's pretty much all you'll need. You can buy it from Mecca here in Aus, and Space NK, Harrods and Fenwick in London. To find out where to get it in your neck of the woods, peep it here.

I moisturise my entire self from head to toe after every shower. And I'm a sucker for the Body Shops Body Butters...Brazil Nut in particular. It smells so 'effin delicious I have to sometimes stop myself from licking my arm! Grapefruit is my fave in summer but I really am addicted to it's nuttier mate. It's fairly inexpensive and pretty much amazing. The only thing is though, is that it gets under my acrylics because it's in a tub. But that's my own fault for wanting hooker nails.

I looooooooove lipsticks. They are an as important accessory to my wardrobe as my jewellery. I have like 812 all up - OK, I only have 11, but you get my point. Now I like to wear it daily, and whilst I enjoy bright colours (I even have blue lippy) it's not exactly practical to be rocking rainbow lips everyday of the week. So my fave staple lip smacker is by my old friend M.A.C and the colour is 'BOMBSHELL'. I reapply this bad boy about 20 times a day and therefore go through alot of them. (Did you know if you take 6 empty M.A.C containers to the counter, they give you a free lipstick of your choice? It's all about recycling honey - true story) My favourite daily make-up look is bronzed skin, defined eyes, rosy cheeks and plump pink lips (oh get your mind outta the gutter). This colour helps me achieve said look so if that's your thing too, give it a whirl.

Now I didn't want this post to be all about M.A.C - especially as I do use alot of it. Hey it can't be helped, my younger sis is a M.A.C make-up artist so I get alotta loot, what can ya do? Anyhow, I wear liquid eyeliner every.single.day. And I have done for about 10 years. No joke. I have tried all of them. I really have. Even the cheap 2 quid one's from H&M. Therefore I can categorically say that M.A.C's liquid eyeliner is the bomb diggidy. It lasts for aaaaaaages and it's precise. It has a texter like tip so it makes it hella easy to apply, and it comes in quite a few colours. Black liquid eyeliner does to the face what a Wonderbra does to your tits. Invest in this owlettes.

Ah yes, an obvious next choice after the liquid liner is the hall of fame red lippy. EVERYONE suits red lipstick. Ya just gotta find the right shade. An absolute winner is NARS lipstick in JUNGLE RED. It is seriously Gwen Stefani worthy. I am yet to see anyone who doesn't suit this colour red. Don't say you can't wear red because you have thin lips either...get all Kirsten Dunst about it and embrace the crimson honey. Red on the lips is classic, yet makes you look instantly contemporary - so you're going out and you are just wearing jeans, Converse and a white tshirt? Slap some red on your kisser and you'll look instantly fuckable. Hit up NARS in general though, it's a pretty radical brand. A few honourable mentions that I carry in my lipstick wardrobe as far as red hue's go is LADY DANGER by M-A-C (sozz) and RETROFURIST OPAQUE LIPSTICK by LIMECRIME - pretty much the colour Snow White woulda worn if she wasn't off shagging dwarfs.

As many of you are aware, I am pretty much married to my acrylic nails. Unfortunately they aren't too kind to your own nails or cuticles. Which is why I always make sure I apply hand cream throughout the day and especially at night before zzzzz. CLARINS HAND AND NAIL TREATMENT is bloody LUSH. It smells like heaven and makes your hands feel like 30 bucks. (That's how much it costs) - so worth it though! This shit is so addictive it's like hand cream crack.

When my folks were handing out eyelashes, I'm pretty sure my sisters got dibs on it 'cause it's almost as if I was given pubic hair by accident. For seez, my eyelashes are ridiculous - and not in a good way. Which is why I need all the help I can get! Eyelash curlers save my life. Hmmm, that sounded a bit dramatic, but Imma trying to get a point across 'ere! If your eyes are your window to your soul, then don't be skimping on them! shu uemura is pretty much the Rolls Royce of eyelash pimpers. Look into it.

Alright so just one more M.A.C thing OK? Ya know like how I was saying I like bronzed skin, pink lips, defined eyes and rosy cheeks? Well. look no further than this shade of amazing. The colour is called DOLLYMIX by (yawn) M.A.C and it makes my privates tingle. I love this colour hey. It may be a lil too bright for fairer girls but if you are feeling brave, give it a try. I usually prefer creamier blushes, but I really do love this little baby. You just gotta watch you don't pile too much on and end up looking like you applied your make up with a spatula. Ya get me?

Hands up who is addicted to lip balm??!!! Yeah man, it's mental. My lips get dryer than a nun's fanny if I don't apply some lubrication on the regular. CARMEX is THE BEST. Plus I love how it comes in a little yellow tin, it kinda gives it that retro feel. I first got hooked on this when I worked for Urban Outfitters, and we used to sell around 2000 of these suckers in a week! We kept them in cookie jars throughout the stores and they constantly needed refilling. You can get it at most pharmacies and I seriously suggest you do. I bet you're an addict after the first time you try it. Keep them kissers kissable ladies!

When I was a teenager I used to put so much foundation on, ya coulda scraped some off my jaw line and used it to fill the cracks in a wall! MAINLY because I fucking HATED my freckles. Now as I get a little, ehrm, older I have embraced the freckling and prefer lighter coverage and realised that as far as foundation goes...you get what you pay for. End of. GIORGIO ARMANI FACE FABRIC is actually what the name says. Your face feels like it's been swathed in a piece of beige silk. It is seriously in.sane. It covers just enough so you look relatively flawless (more flawless than you already are awww) but kinda gives the impression you aren't wearing any. Sound too good to be true? It ain't.

I am one of them girls that has to wash her hair daily. For some unGodly reason my hair is getting finer as I creep into my 30's, which is a pain in the tits, 'cause I HATE HATE fucking HATE flat hair. Then I came across this bad ass. And I'm glad I did, because it's basically the dictator of hair products, and my hair listens to everything it tells it to do. KMS HAIRPLAY is a dry wax in spray form that won't leave your hair feeling gunky and just kinda more manageable, especially after you've just washed it and it has the texture of bum fluff. I heart this very much.

Fragrance I think should be personal. Your signature scent should be kept under wraps and lie if someone asks you what you're wearing. (FYI, if your signature scent is a celeb fragrance...we need to talk). So I am keeping my lip zipped as far as my sig scent is concerned, but what I WILL share with you is what I wear on the not so special occasions, like normal days at work, the movies, whatever. I always get asked about this and it's LAURA MERCIER in CREME BRULEE. Obviously a scent named after a dessert is gonna be tasty. WARNING: You will get asked at least 3 times a day what you're wearing if you indulge in this.

I have advised you in countless previous posts to remove your make-up before you hit the pillow. Easier said than done when you roll in at 4am looking like something that lines the bottom of a birdcage and you would rather stick a fork in your eye than get involved in any sort of beauty regime. Face wipes is proof that God is a woman. NIVEA in my opinion are ze best. It's slightly creamier than other brands, and better at removing eye make-up without dragging the fine skin under the eye. You should be keeping this in your bag as well in case you spend the night in the company of a male, and you wake up the next morning resembling Pamela the Panda. Just run these under your eye and BAM! the dirt is gone. They are also great for when you just wanna refresh your make-up before you go out and haven't got time to shower. Just wipe this over your mug then reapply. God, it's scary how much you lot need me.

The two best things for a glowing complexion is loads of water and loads of sex. But if like me you are not indulging in the latter, you may wanna get your paws onto BENEFIT HIGH BEAM. I bloody love BENEFIT. The packaging is adorable (I am easily sucked in by a good container) and whilst it may look a bit 'novelty' it defs does the job. Just run this glorious stuff along your cheekbones and brow bones before (or after actually) your foundation and you will look like you've just had the lay of your life. Hey! Some of us have to make do with material things.

You are never to young to start using eye cream. Heck I wish I started when I was a toddler (gee thanks Mum). But I didn't so therefore I spend mega $$$ on it now. ELIZABETH ARDEN PREVAGE is literally like skin poly filler. It's almost as though you see the skin tighten right in front of your um, eyes. I realise that many probs couldn't afford this (me included) but I wanted to tell you about the best I have ever come across and seriously, this is it. It's supposed to have the foreskins of circumcised infants as one of it's ingredients (er....OK) so mabes that's why it's a squillion dollars. But man oh man, I'd bath in this shit if I could...baby penis and all.

Ok so it wasn't 10...more like 16. Whatever man, I can do what I want. Lemme know if any of you use any of these, and if you don't and you give any a try, tell a girl what you think. How dope is it being a lady hey? Fuck being a man. If they are fugly, there ain't much homeboy can do about it.

Love ya xx

IT'S A CRIME NOT TO GO LIME

Soz for the lame play on words but I'm feeling a lil girly today. And I have to stress how much I friggin love LIME CRIME cosmetics. Seriously. Like Doe Deere (the creator) says, this is the usual lipstick colour palette...

I mean, it might as well be ...(shock horror)...beige!

So she answered my prayers and introduced these bad boys...

Let's be honest...make-up is grown up candy. you would be seriously bonkers not to treat yourself. Click on the banners on the side or the bottom of my blog and spoil ya selves.

I want no beige ladies at the Owl party! 27 FEB!!!!! XXXX