Take my advice...I don't use it anyway Part quatre-vingt-dix-huit

BOOK A DENTIST APPOINTMENT - Once a year is enough. Yeah I know it's expensive but private health is surprisingly affordable so sort it out.  Getting old is hard on the body so preserve what you can and look after the teeth in your head!

SAVE - Even if it's twenty bucks a week...and don't touch it. You know whats worse than having cavity's in your teeth? Not being able to afford to pay to get them fixed. Be prepared for rainy days Owlies. If life was that much of a smooth sail then these advice posts wouldn't be so fucking popular INNIT.

DON'T PUT UP WITH A SHIT BOSS. - Guess what?  If you are lucky enough to live in the first world then you don't have to put up with a boss that takes the piss. That said, you can't be a slacker either...reap what you sow and all that jazz. You spend 80% of your life at work, you should not hate it. Be strategic about it, write down what you love then write down what you hate. Look at the things that you hate and objectively think about what you could do to change it. If it all falls down to 'your boss is an asshole' well then. You've gotta put your decision cap on don't you babe?

THE ONLY TIME YOUR WEE SHOULD BE BRIGHT YELLOW IS WHEN IT'S THE FIRST ONE OF THE DAY. - Drink more water.

STOP GOING ON ABOUT WHAT YOU 'DON'T' DO/HAVE/BELIEVE IN. - Great, you don't have facebook or twitter. Woopee doo for you. Great, you don't even OWN a television. Awesome. Happy for you. What? Really? You don't believe in God?! What an alternative thought.  *sigh*

Some things are not important.

It really doesn't matter if you are 10kg heavier than you would like.  You never were as fat as you thought you were and you will never be as thin as you are now.

Folk who are genuinely creative don't walk around going 'Oh God, I'm like soooooo creative'.  Do you imagine Van Gough or John Lennon ever having a blog talking about how creative they were?  No, they were too busy creating.

Stop. Breathe. Reflect.  Once upon a time you dreamed of being exactly where you are right now. Enjoy it toots ;)

Grow up and stop 'taking offence'.  So what if someone says something that 'offends you'.  What do you think is going to happen?  You will die in a car crash and then that person will feel guilty forever and ever Amen?  WAH WAH WAH WAAAHHHHHHH!

Take my advice...I don't use it anyway SPECIAL EDITION: If you're feeling shit then this will make it worse

EAT EVERYTHING IN SIGHT!
This is a sure fire way in making sure that you hate yourself.  You may even consider sticking your finger down your throat after you have inhaled the family size instant mac and cheese followed by 2 mars bars and it's probably not a bad idea.  I mean, vomiting and over eating whilst crying is the ideal way to make yourself feel better when you're going through a fuck show.

TEXT/MESSAGE/FB/TWEET THE DUDE THAT HAS ONLY EVER MADE YOU AN OPTION.
It will be even WORSE if he doesn't reply.  Here you go, why don't you just take this knife and make a few wounds on your arm and then I'll just pour all this salt in them?

YOU SHOULD GOSSIP AND TALK SHIT ABOUT EVERYONE. 
I mean, when you are feeling lonely and a bit down, the best thing to do is to start alienating and stabbing all your friends in the back.  You will feel like such a champion for doing it so why not take it a step further and flirt with their boyfriends?

YOU SHOULD HAVE LOADS OF MEANINGLESS, UNPROTECTED SEX WITH BONEHEADS. 
It just does wonders for the soul and self esteem.  Nothing quite says 'I love myself' like getting naked with someone that probably can't remember your name and convinces you that using a condom is a silly idea.  Why not take some naked photos of yourself with your head in smiling and waving and send it to his phone AND email just in case he didn't get it?

SPEND ALL YOUR MONEY ON JUNK AND/OR BOOZE AND DRUGS.
Because the anxiety of not being able to pay rent and your phone bill and the impending sense of doom one gets when they are having financial problems will far out weigh any troubles that are going on in your world innit?

DON'T CLEAN THE HOUSE OR DO ANY LAUNDRY FOR AGES.
It's great to just sit in squalor and look shit as well as feel shit. You want to be authentically shit inside and out hey?  It's awesome when you open the fridge and it smells like somebody's cat died in there, you just feel like you are in complete control of your life. All good, nothing to see here!

I never do it either

You know how like when you were at school and you didn't do your homework? Remember how relieved you were when the kid sat next to you didn't do theirs either? Yeah man. That sense of relief is priceless.

Well I didn't do my homework, nor do I ...

• Pay my parking fines on time. In fact, I am staring at a pile of twelve of them right now. Yes. Twelve. Is there a parking ticket man reading this? Can you do me a sweet deal?  The other night I was drunk walking down the road in the city and saw a group of Po Po and charmingly (slurring is regarded as charming) requested they swipe my parking tickets. They laughed. 
• I never wear sunscreen. I really should. I like really really should. This is Australia! Every 3 seconds people get skin cancer from standing under a light bulb or something. I also use solarium's. I'm not proud and I don't tell everyone. Well...just the 1000 plus people who read this blog every day. But I bet half of you smoke SO THERE!
• I never wash my fruit. But guess what? You don't have to! Plus I've had worse in my mouth to be honest.
• I never do pelvic exercises but I am defs gonna start because the other day I sneezed and a bit of wee came out. NOT SEXY. Plus they were my last clean knickers.
• I hardly ever read these days. This really pisses me off. I blame the internet. I also blame that the days only have 24 hours in them and I blame the fact that I am human and have to sleep at some point. 
• I never wear my seatbelt when I just nip down to the shops. Oh my God. A copper is gonna read this and give me the lethal injection I JUST KNOW IT.
• I never remember to not shave between waxes and then the next time my vagina goes to Brazil it feels more like it went to Bosnia. I bring these things on myself.

Take my advice...I don't use it anyway SPECIAL EDITION: Great ways to make people want to punch you with a brick

FUCK THEIR BOYFRIEND / GIRLFRIEND / EX / PERSON THEY HAVE HAD A MAD CRUSH ON FOR AGES AND YOU KNEW ABOUT IT ETC ETC - Do not underestimate jealousy and the monster effect it can have on people.  Dudes beat up women over it. Girls pretend they are pregnant over it. And if you dare stand in between them and the person who makes them feel good about living...well, God bless your little sneaky soul.

BUILD FALSE CAMPAIGNS AND RECRUIT ALL TO YOUR CAUSE - So you have beef with somebody? I'm sure you have a good enough reason. If your reason really is good then you will silently seethe and learn to get over it. If you need many to agree with how you feel and need a whole army behind you in your war, then you are going in unarmed and without just cause. Not only is it bullying, it's hilarious. People are in your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime....for whatever reason. Sometimes you just stop being friends. Sometimes you just fall out of love. Sometimes the very thing that used to endear you to someone will make you want to force them to gargle broken glass. Build a bridge babe.

TALK ABOUT HOW MUCH WEIGHT YOU HAVE TO LOSE WHEN YOU WEIGH UNDER 55KG - Everyone will do the 'oh shut up you're amazing' thing, but secretly they hate you and will wish that you really were fat.

BE LATE ALL THE TIME - People love waiting. Especially if they don't smoke and their phone has run out of battery.  Then when you finally arrive be an asshole. That will really send it home.

BE REALLY RACIST AND/OR HOMOPHOBIC - Threaten to 'punch a fag in the face' because he wears skinny jeans.  Be really rude to people who can't speak English and laugh at Big Issue Sellers. You are so awesome dude. WINNER.

DON'T GO DOWN ON YOUR LOVER - Just lay there and have your cock sucked or your pussy licked until you feel like your body is having a convulsion then just say thanks, roll over and go to sleep. And avoid the wet patch at all costs.

BE REALLY, REALLY INCONSIDERATE - Always show up at parties empty handed. Always leave about half a millimetre of milk in the carton and put it back in the fridge. Don't flush. Talk in the movies and do not put your phone on silent. Borrow things and never return them, or do but return it broken or dirty. Borrow someones car and return it with the petrol light on. Never ever ever clean after yourself in a share house and just generally be a tight little ass for the rest of your easy breezy life.

BE CONDESCENDING AND PATRONIZING - Smile while you insult and make sure your tone is snide and poncy. THAT will really make you as popular as MC Hammer.

The end.

PS, I'm perfect.

Take my advice...I don't use it anyway Part quatre-vingt-neuf

SHOUT OUT TO THE HATERS

'HATE' IS SUCH A STRONG WORD - You know why? 'cause it's the opposite of LOVE. The line is thin between the two and the crossing over from either one is brutal. Conflicting emotions, hurt and jealousy. A bit like the war in Israel. Kinda.  When you love something and you can't have it, it's easier to hate. It's easier to get over an ex if they cheated on you, because you have tangible reason to get over them. It's easy to hate something when you are jealous of it because it's eases your insecurities. How much do we love it a little when someone we are secretly envious of fails or fucks up? We love to hate and we hate to love. We think if we hate something it makes us less vulnerable, but in reality, hating is a sign of weakness.

DEALING WITH HATE - It's interesting because I was thinking about this topic quite a bit, then when I got home today, someone had left me a handwritten note in my letterbox about the irony of me having a 'no junk mail' sign on it when I have allegedly clogged up theirs with news on the garage sale I am helping with this weekend. Firstly, I didn't even know I had a 'no junk mail' sign as I am renting and I check my letterbox about once a month and secondly, I felt a little impressed that someone took the time to hand write me a letter. I'm guessing it's so I know that they 'know where I live' but I have never been weird with people knowing my address and phone number because surprisingly, I don't get much hate. I'm guessing these are the kind of people that also write gibberish in the comments section of youtube. Whatever their reason, I'm sure they feel justified. But here's the thing, these folk almost never sign their name. It is 99.9% of the time signed anonymously. Which in my mind, discredits anything they have to say. Because there is nothing more that I HATE than a coward.

THE BIGGER PICTURE - If you put yourself out there, people will have opinion. Some will be positive and some will be negative. We take the positive for granted and we take the negative to heart. That is whats wrong with this picture. People are fickle and flaky. They wanna hump your leg the one minute and break it the next.  Who knows why, not even they do really. There are photography graduates out there struggling to get work, while someone who just has a good eye and relentless networking skills gets the cover of Vogue.  Are they gonna hate that person?  Of course they fucking are. Is it that person's fault? No way. When the path to our desired destiny starts going up hill, we look for someone to blame so we feel like it's not our fault. We rebel against people that make us think or look at ourselves without our rose tinted Ray Bans. Ah the mirror to our lives is a dirty one for sure.

I don't really know what else to say without this being a bit of a 'group hug' post, but without the hate, you don't see the love..................ya know?

It's not you, it's me

RANT RANT RANT!!!! It's all that ever happens on the Internet. And why the hell not? You get to say what you want and people can't talk back, and if they do, you can just delete. Obnoxious much?  Well, do you expect any different?  Also, I never do any of these things, I am perfect in every way and do not need to improve in any area of my life.

• Bitch fights and social media wars. Over it like an Olympics hurdle sprinter mate. Follow. Unfollow (not even a real word). Little private jokes here and there which aren't so private because they are on a public forum. Using terms and words that have been going around for yonks then claiming them as your own...oh God...who do you think you are? An Internet Shakespeare some shit? 
• The over use of the word 'hipster'.  I swear to God those who have insecurities about being cool fucking LOVE this word. Why? Because now there is a negative connotation to being a hipster and it can be applied to anyone who is making you feel inferior or left behind in the style stakes. The same can be said for anyone who runs tumblrs with loads of re blogged content and near naked skinny girlie's.  Who actually cares? If your content is original and unique, then by comparison, these things make you look better. I actually couldn't give two little hoots about some 16 year old taking photos of her pussy through her knickers in her bedroom in Arizona and making a gif out of it hey. It's just gonna come back to bite her ass...not mine.
• 'Madonna did it all before Lady Gaga' - yeah and? Is she still doing it? Do you think the 10 year old girls of today give a shit about Madonna? No. No they don't. There is a new generation on our ass and we are not the children of the future anymore...I don't care how much Whitney Houston sings about it.
• Yes I am 30 and not married. Nope, no boyfriend. Kids? Possibly. Who knows. Am I happy? Kind of, who really is these days anyway. Do I ever want to get married? Sure, why not. Am I scared that I won't find someone to marry? Only when I look at the cost of houses. What am I going to do when I'm old?  What I do now...masturbate loads and avoid the advances from happily married husbands.
• I think the level of compassion and understanding for others life choices are at critical levels. Why can't we just all realize that we are all insecure about something. ALL OF US. It is the fucking driving force behind anything we do. Sure people mess up, often massively. But we are all on the same quest...the quest to be happy. We don't always get it right, and my God do we love it when we witness someone not getting it right, because then we get to not worry about all the things we aren't getting right for a bit.
• Yes, I'm sure you did it/heard it/wore it/saw it before anyone else. You and 100 000 other people. 

Go comment your mum.

What is the world coming to would somebody answer me this please?

Everyone is going on about Rebecca Black yet I have heard hardly anything about this little treasure?  I was even sceptical about giving it the 'music' label.  The colours are nice though and homegirl is hot, I'll give her that.  Make sure you cop Drum Media this week where you will read my full vent on these rainbow hued scene queens.

Take my advice...I don't use it anyway SPECIAL EDITION: Perspective

Tragedy and natural disaster happen and people start throwing around the word 'perspective'. Why? Because the only way to make our problems easier to bare is to hear about someone having a worse time that you. I was perusing  my timeline on twitter at the time of hearing what happened in Japan...in fact, that's where I found out about it before quickly jumping on BBC to check it out. Almost instantly, the usually ironic or sarcastically clever tweets (all thought of spontaneously of course) turned to shout outs for Japan, prayers for Japan and general 'I love you Japan' commentary. You almost did a little cringe when people were still tweeting their lame shit as they had obviously not heard what had happened. You know that little feeling you got? It's called perspective. Things you would usually laugh at weren't as funny, they were actually quite irritating. You suddenly didn't really care if your boss was being a prize wanker or if old mate didn't reply to your text or if some nobody unfollowed you.  I can't help but think that these epic disasters, these gigantic fuck show situations, happen to do just that...kick our ass into perspective. You can't do much to help the situation over there, you can shout out 'prayers for Japan' etc...but we all know your ass ain't praying. These situations are disastrous, monstrous, incredibly frightening and sad. But they are only 'tragic' if people don't take heed and recognize. Recognize that what you have can be taken from you at any given second. Recognize your insignificance but recognizing the significance in what you do. People have died, but they only would have died in vain if we don't take the lessons that are so obviously and deliberately being thrown at us here. And recognizing that when the universe talks, we should shut the fuck up and listen.

Owls SEX alphabet: A - F

A - is for ANAL. Obviously. It seems more and more dudes think it's on the menu of late.  I mean, it's a pretty gnarly thing to take it up the Jones hey?  Like, we're not actually meant to do that. Dudes just see a hole and they have to put something in it. Once my little cousin put his tiny little penis into a window of a toy train and he couldn't get it off! It took my uncle about an hour of sweat and tears (my little cousins...not his. I think) to get the damn thing off his peanut and guess what? THEY NEVER LEARN!  Some girls dig it and if you do...that's fine. Just don't go dishing it out willy nilly because your bum is most certainly NOT a toy train.

B - is for BLOOD. Don't have sex during your period please. It's fucking gross. I don't care who the hell you are. Sorry.

C - is for CLIT. It is the ultimate 'c word'. Do you even know where yours is? Do you know what gets you off? You do realize that it is probably the most important organ on your body. PROBABLY even more so than your brain.  Look after it and learn what it likes. Then teach others.  Help them to help you.

D - is for DOGGY. - aka 'the best position in the world'.  Also the best position for looking smoking.  However, the one that will cause you to have a fanny fart. Just saying.

E - is for ENERGY. As in have some. Don't just lay there like a wet towel. Even if he is a dud it don't mean you have to be! Still 'oooh' and 'aaaahh' and make the effort.


F - is for FUN. Ha! You though I was gonna say fanny innit? Wrong! Sex is meant to be FUN. This ain't that wack Westboro Baptist Church shit.  No one who belongs to the Church of The Owl is going to Hell because they had some good 'ol 'how's your father' - and if you are part of that dick for brains church then "HI! We're having a better time than you are!" Dickheads.

to be continued...(is this too rude?)

Take my advice...I don't use it anyway SPECIAL EDITION: Things you can only do when you are home alone

PUT ON YOUR FAVORITE TRACK LOUDLY AND PRETEND YOU ARE PERFORMING IT - I KNOW that you girls are practicing Nicki's verse in Monster for such an activity.

MASTURBATE A LOT - Duh!

WATCH PORN WITH THE SOUND ON - See above.

GO ON A ZIT SQUEEZING RAMPAGE - And make the bathroom mirror look like a painters radio.

PLAY THE MUSIC THAT YOU ARE EMBARRASSED TO ADMIT YOU LISTEN TO LOUDLY - Embrace your secret pleasure! Only God can judge you.

YOU CAN DO THINGS WITH FOOD THAT YOU ARE TOO SHY TO DO IN FRONT OF PEOPLE - Like put more Parmesan on your pasta so there ends up being more cheese than ravioli on your plate. Murder your mac and cheese with so much ketchup it almost looks like an abortion. Eat the entire slab of rocky road Cadburys chocolate. Shove a courgette up your fanny. You know...the usual.

LEAVE THE BATHROOM DOOR OPEN - Even when you're doing a poo!

PUT ON YOUR SECRET OUTFIT THAT YOU ARE SAVING FOR A SPECIAL OCCASION AND PARADE AROUND THE PLACE - I know you be knowing what I'm talking about bitch!

HAVE 'THAT' SKYPE CALL WITH YOUR LONG DISTANCE FUCK BUDDY - Oh don't act coy. Of course this whole list was going to consist of lust, gluttony and poor taste. Our secret behavior ain't so secret 'cause we all do it!

Take Grum's advice ... he has a girlfriend anyway!

The other day the young TC decided to increase my inbox count by a single digit by sending me an electronic mail. It was a brief and simple request that read along the lines of “Yo bitch, write me a blog post or I’ll slit your throat like a fish whilst you sleep”. Well, it was something like that. I don’t know. I may have been paraphrasing slightly. And by slightly I mean a lot and by paraphrasing, I may have meant “wildly bull-shitting”.  So the request was for me to write an advice column for the male readers of this blog. The request seemed simple enough until I realised that all the advice I could dispense would have been rendered absolutely useless by you lot. None of you want to know about the joys of efficiently compiling Linux distributions or my thoughts on the recent production of antimatter at the European Organization for Nuclear Research. Well, perhaps some of you. But chances are that you read Obnoxious Owl simply for the magnificent posts about relationships, sensible cosmetic use or filthy vag thrush.

I may not know much about the application of eye shadow (although hit me up for a killer guyliner tutorial) and my knowledge on vaginal thrush is limited to the collection of images I keep on the subject matter on my hard drive (I don’t think I’m allowed to post a 339 high resolution image slide-show on the topic) so I guess I’ll discuss relationships.  So guys, the below is for you - girls, go run away and do something else as the rest of this post is just for the men. No really, go away. No girls allowed. Oh come on, WOMEN STOP READING! Fuck off.

Gone?  Good.

Read more »

Take my advice...I don't use it anyway Part soixante-dix-huit

PEOPLE WHO DON'T HAVE FACEBOOK ARE WEIRD - I mean, yeah...talk to them and stuff, but don't make eye contact.

DO NOT TEXT/FACEBOOK/TWEET DURING A MOVIE - You should get a life...they're nice.

FURTHERMORE, IT'S RUDE TO DO THOSE THINGS DURING DINNER...ESPECIALLY WHEN IT'S JUST TWO OF YOU - Hey man, I'm all for social networking, but for fucks sake if one thing does not go out of fashion, it's manners.

THERE IS BEING A FOOD ECCENTRIC, THEN THERE IS BEING A FUCKING ATTENTION SEEKER - Like not liking olives or anchovies is pretty popular, that's cool.  Ordering a burger with no tomato or not enjoying red meat is all fine. But then only liking mushrooms if they cut up real small, or taking your own food to a dinner party and asking them to warm it up is just plain wack. Sort yourself out.

HIRING LIMOS ARE TACKIER THAN A THEMED WEDDING - Don't even get me STARTED on hummer limos.

A PHONE CALL AFTER 10PM ON THE WEEKEND, OR ANY NIGHT ACTUALLY, BUT MAINLY THE WEEKEND, MEANS THAT HE THINKS THE USELESS PIECE OF SKIN AROUND YOUR PUSSY IS YOU - Unless of course you already know this and you don't mind then by all means, take that call.

IT'S TOTALLY OK TO NOT BE AN ANIMAL PERSON - It's not cool to be cruel though. Fuck I ain't no dog whisperer, but I know not to blow in their faces.

WHEN LIFE IS TAKING A DUMP ON YOUR HEAD, REMEMBER: WE ARE ALL GOING TO DIE - Then smile.

Take my advice...I don't use it anyway Part soixante-dix-sept

WHAT OTHER PEOPLE SAY ABOUT YOU IS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS - Right I never do this, but I'm gonna speak personally here for a second...it won't happen again so don't get used to it.  I write a pretty, shall we say, 'out there' blog.  I am also not what you would call a 'wallflower'.  Some people will get me, many won't.  I can't care about that otherwise it will send me stir crazy.  Imagine if I heard everything that gets said about me?  I'd probably throw myself off the nearest tall building ... (we have a whole SEVEN of those to choose from here in Perth)  My point is, with the good comes the bad.  With the lovers come the haters.  If you aren't somebody who fades into the background then people will have opinions of you and not all of them will be positive.  I wouldn't say don't care what people say about you, because I think a certain amount of criticism is a positive thing.  As long as YOU are happy with yourself...and lets be honest, we always know what we wanna change.  Surround yourself with good, non 'people pleasers' and listen to your intuition.  The rest can go fuck themselves.  So if you have non love for the Owl and you are reading this...then my message to you is, 'Hey there! Thanks for reading toots'

Read more »

Take my advice...I don't use it anyway SPECIAL EDITION: Paranoia - we all get it

Yes we all get those irrational feelings. Sometimes they are justified, other times you are just being a weirdo.  I think it's comforting to know that others have the same wack thoughts in order to make us feel better about our insecurities.  We're a complex lot us homo sapiens innit?

'I WONDER IF THOSE PEOPLE ARE TALKING ABOUT ME' - Yeah they probs are.  But why does it have to be negative?  They are probably saying something really nice about you!  Yeah you're right...they probably are running their mouths.  But who the fuck cares anyway?  Also, they might not even be talking about you.  AARRGHH the paranoia!  Thing is though...if you talk shit, then you assume others do too.  So stop talking shit!  But only if you care if others do...if you don't, then continue.

'IS THAT PERSON BEING WEIRD WITH ME?' - Guess what?  They might have had a crap day and are being weird with everybody!  So don't make it all about you.  Just stay out of their way and go on about your day.

Read more »

Take my advice...I don't use it anyway. Part cing

BUY JEANS THAT FIT YOU - I swear to God, denim can be to your ass like Wonderbra's are to your tits. The trick is to find the right fit. If you have a wobbly belly then indulge in some high waisted sexy pants, if you have shapely pins then rock the skinnies but for the love of Joseph, Mary and Jesus DON'T try to squeeze anymore luggage into an already stuffed suitcase. You get my drift sweeties?

IF YOU'RE GOING GREY THEN PUT SOME GARNIER NUTRIESSE ON THAT SHIT - I don't really care how old you are, yes yes yes you are too YOUNG to be going grey, but the truth of the matter is...you are. Deal with it, then embrace the colour. I am the ripe sexy old age of 28 and I sometimes find a little white sneaky hair in my barnet, the problem is...is that if you pull one of those suckers out then four come to the funeral. I am not at the stage where I need to dye it yet per say but if you are then do it, and trust me, you'll know when it's time. Whomever said one should age gracefully were talking out of their ungroomed ass.

DON'T TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM BEFORE HE TELLS YOU - The thing is, men are not like us. They succumb to peer pressure. Half the time when they have uttered those three words to you they haven't even admitted it to their buddies. I KNOW sometimes you need to bite your tongue so hard you may bite it off to stop yourself from saying it, but trust me, it's worth it. Because I'm telling ya...bite your tongue now, or it'll bite you in the ass later.

IF SOMEONE SHOWS EVEN A HINT OF HOMOPHOBIA, RACISM OR ANY OTHER KIND OF 'ISM' THEN SHOW THEM THE DOOR - Do not even bother trying to expand the mind of the ignorant, someone once told them that it's bliss, and they agreed.

TRAVEL - It's good for you. It's also something that needs to be done on a whim. You'll never have enough money, and there will never be a perfect time. Do it do it do it. But for Pete's sake (who is Pete?) DON'T go to any of those tacky Spanish or Greek resorts where you drink in the Red Lion with a bunch of over tanned Brits and order chips with everything. i.e. paella and chips. It's so far away from being chic it's scary.

IF YOU HAVE A THOUGHT, WRITE IT DOWN - It might make a totally wonderful blog.

Kisses and good night xx