Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Take my advice...I don't use it anyway. Part quarante-deux

IF YOU ARE A DRIVER WOULD YOU INDICATE PLEASE - For fucks sake, are you tryna kill me?

MAKE SURE ALL TRACES OF TOILET PAPER ARE REMOVED BEFORE SEXY TIME - That shit will stay with you. It is something that will DEFINITELY come up during boy talk. Don't put a bulls eye on your forehead.

TRY AND AVOID GETTING INTO A BRAGGING PING PONG MATCH - You know what I mean...some bitch starts telling you how much she paid for her LV handbag, how big her boyfriends dick is or how if she doesn't have anything to wear she just 'makes something'. Oh God. I seriously wanna round house kick these ho's in the face! And then after that I wanna kick MYSELF in the face because I find that I end up taking the bait. I just can't fucking help it! You wanna try and bring the bitch down to size so you end up competing and therefore hating yourself for it because you know you're being an off the Richter scale lamo. Just nod and stroke the insecure cow's ego (hardly any of what she is saying is true anyway) or compete with, 'Oh really? Well my bf's dick ain't as big as that so I find myself regularly indulging in some gang bang action with my local high school football team'. She'll get the drift. Competing over dumbass things like this is a bit like the special Olympics....even if you win, you're still retarded.

PLEASE DON'T LOAD YOUR BORING ASS PHOTOS ON FACEBOOK - Hmm, I'm probs the last to talk here...but read my blog banner. Exactly. ANYWAY, nobody actually gives a shit that you got a new washing machine. Believe.

QUIT SAYING YOU'RE 'TIRED' - It's almost like people can't help themselves. They ain't even tired! It's a bit tough getting the 'ol 8 hour shut eye shit, I'll give you that' but J.H.'re like 21 or some shit! How can you be tired!? Stop stuffing that processed golden arched 'food' down your throat and try getting some sun from time to time. Just hold up on your fucking whinging.

DROP OLD FRIENDS AND FAMILY A LINE ONCE IN A WHILE - Just take some timeout to show the people that mean alot to you just how much. You know how good it feels when someone does it to you innit?

Spread the love people x


Ruby Velour said...

I get pretty annoyed at people's constant need to tell me how tired they are. Have a damn red Bull for christsake! God knows I feel tired most mornings but a berocca with breakfast and a can of sugarfree V with morning tea and I'm all sorted! You go to bed late? You suck it up the next day!

Obnoxious Owl said...

hear hear Rubles x

Anonymous said...

''if she doesn't have anything to wear she just 'makes something'. Oh God. I seriously wanna round house kick these ho's in the face!''
hahahaha fuck you make me laugh tammy
xx eli