Friday, December 3, 2010

Take my advice...I don't use it anyway Part quatre-vingt-un

HEY MAN, IF SOMEONE IS AN IRRIT EVERY TIME YOU SIGN ON, DELETE THEIR ASS - I love the delete button.  It's glorious. You know whats great about living on the internet? The delete button...thats what. But don't re add then delete, re add then delete...that's just lame ass.  I'm talking about proper twits that you don't want around...say it with me ... DELETE!! I bet I sign on now and have 150 less followers. Don't blame you.

DON'T MISTAKE SEX FOR LOVE - Oh baby GIRL I wish I had something like this blog when I was 18! Then again, I wouldn't have nearly as much inspiration if I didn't make as many fuck ups as I did/do.  Love is calling when they say they will (and at a reasonable hour) NOT finger bangs.  Ironic innit?

DO YOU GET A WHIFF OF YOUR OWN VAGINA SOMETIMES? - You may be over producing bacteria, a simple pill or cream will sort that shit out.  Hey man! Don't shoot the messenger!

LET'S TALK ABOUT BEING A WIMPY LITTLE GIRL FOR A SECOND - Stop bitching and moaning about being 'scared' to be home alone and walking home in the dark etc etc.  Sure, air on the side of caution at all times, but don't be such a pussy.

GUYS LIKE IT SMOOTH - And obviously I am talking about our private parts here. They do! They love it bald. Yes yes, I know it hurts. And we should be all 'Hey, just be lucky you getting anywhere near it' etc BUT lets be reasonable for a second...having our pubic hair ripped out is like the only shit thing we have to put up with in sex.  They have to worry about getting hard THEN staying hard THEN not blowing too early.  Now you know we've all experienced the above and are they still around? 'zacley!  So make your way to the beautician, lay back and think of England.  There's a good girl ;)

I love you guys. It's December already...yikes! xxxo


Fat Aus said...

i love you owl but i've gotta disagree with you about the pubes - i know a lot of dudes (& ladies) who love the 70s style bush!

Obnoxious Owl said...

Where are these dudes? I've only ever experienced spoilt brats ;/ said...

this post is wisdom personified! although me personally i keep both parties happy with a regular shave. pain free with pleasing results, and a spot of roll-on deodorant prevents ingrowns! swearsies! TMI. internet? Aw, too bad.