I never do it either

You know how like when you were at school and you didn't do your homework? Remember how relieved you were when the kid sat next to you didn't do theirs either? Yeah man. That sense of relief is priceless.

Well I didn't do my homework, nor do I ...

• Pay my parking fines on time. In fact, I am staring at a pile of twelve of them right now. Yes. Twelve. Is there a parking ticket man reading this? Can you do me a sweet deal?  The other night I was drunk walking down the road in the city and saw a group of Po Po and charmingly (slurring is regarded as charming) requested they swipe my parking tickets. They laughed. 
• I never wear sunscreen. I really should. I like really really should. This is Australia! Every 3 seconds people get skin cancer from standing under a light bulb or something. I also use solarium's. I'm not proud and I don't tell everyone. Well...just the 1000 plus people who read this blog every day. But I bet half of you smoke SO THERE!
• I never wash my fruit. But guess what? You don't have to! Plus I've had worse in my mouth to be honest.
• I never do pelvic exercises but I am defs gonna start because the other day I sneezed and a bit of wee came out. NOT SEXY. Plus they were my last clean knickers.
• I hardly ever read these days. This really pisses me off. I blame the internet. I also blame that the days only have 24 hours in them and I blame the fact that I am human and have to sleep at some point. 
• I never wear my seatbelt when I just nip down to the shops. Oh my God. A copper is gonna read this and give me the lethal injection I JUST KNOW IT.
• I never remember to not shave between waxes and then the next time my vagina goes to Brazil it feels more like it went to Bosnia. I bring these things on myself.