Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Take my advice...I don't use it anyway. Part trois

IF HE TALKS ABOUT HIS FAMILY DISRESPECTFULLY DUMP HIM - Seems harsh I know. But they are his blood and that's how he speaks about them, imagine how he will speak about you? Not cool.

IF YOU GO TO SEE A BAND, MAKE THE EFFORT AND DANCE - Scenesters...people are staring at you not because you look cool, but because you look fucking miserable. If you spend 50 bucks to go see a band, make the most of it. Dance, drink and be merry. How can you say you 'love this band' if you just stand against the wall looking over styled and underwhelmed? Get over yourselves.

LEARN TO COOK SOMETHING - If you just learn how to make like 3 things, and you make them really well, you will trick people into thinking you are a good cook. Living off those 99c packets of noodle things and take-away is terribly un chic darling. Mastering the art of a good tomato sauce, pesto and roast chicken will open the doors for a multitude of dishes. Stop acting retarded and learn to work your oven.

SEX DOES NOT EQUAL LOVE - I'm serious. If you are in love, it is a way of showing your love but it is not how we love. Sometimes we just need a warm body, sometimes we have animal urges and most times we just have low self esteem that needs boosting but random sex is only going to make you feel worse. Learn to tell the difference.

BUY SECOND HAND - Retro furniture and clothing are often way fresher, original and lets not forget cheaper. Use your imagination and make the most of the individuality you've been blessed with. But for the love of Chanel, DON"T buy second hand underwear, sheets, knives & forks nor towels. If I need to tell you why, then you are more disgusting than I thought.

NO MATTER HOW MUCH YOU LOVE SOMETHING, IF IT DOESN'T SUIT YOU DON'T WEAR IT - I'm in love with those Lady Gaga esque sequin knicker thingies. But have you ever tried to pour a pint into a half pint glass? I've made my point.

WATCH THE NEWS AND READ THAT BIG BLACK AND WHITE THING CALLED THE NEWSPAPER - Whoever said ignorance is bliss, were just admitting that they actually know stuff all.

Go forth and conquer xx

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