Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Take my advice...I don't use it anyway. Part onze


YOU DESERVE TO BE WITH SOMEONE WHO IS NICE TO YOU ALL THE TIME - Sometimes when someone is super nice for like 10 seconds we tend to hang on to that short moment of bliss...but stand back honey and look at the bigger picture. You don't want to be with someone who is an asshole for the majority of the time but has 'good moments'. And if you are a lucky lady to have found a nice one, remember to be nice to them too.

HAVE A WARDROBE CLEAN OUT - I generally do this nearly every 6 months or so. If it's too small, too big, has stains on it, broken zips or lost buttons then chuck it. You will never lose that weight, you will never fix that zip, that dress you bought from the second hand store that you intended to turn into a top will never happen and stains are just not chic my lovelies. Some people might say that if you haven't worn it in a year then you never will...well, I tend to disagree with this one. For instance, I wish I still had my Doc Martins I used to wear in 1996...sure they wouldn't have seen much of the former part of the 2000's but MAN would they be uber fresh right now.

DON'T GET INTO CAT FIGHTS - Look babe, it's just not cool. You aren't impressing anybody, other than a few dudes who will be looking all over the place for some mud to throw on you. But if some bitch is really getting on your tits or on your man, ask your dad or brother to show you how to throw a proper punch because all that hair pulling and flailing is so not glamorous. Meow, saucer of milk for you?

BUY SOME NICE SHEETS FOR YOUR BED - Make it look all wonderful and cosy and SEXY. White is a wonderful choice for summer as it feels like you are sleeping in a big fluffy cloud! However, if you do choose the lighter shades then make sure you remove all your make up before you go to bed, otherwise, you will wake up to discover your face on your pillow. If you are also no longer a teenager then I suggest you remove the 58 fluffy toys and stuffed animals too...OK, I'll allow one, but just the one! If you make your bed a place where you want to be, then trust me, the boys will follow. If you build it, they will come.

TREAT CYSTITIS - You know that burning feeling you get like you want to pee all the time but you don't actually have to? Yup, you have a urinary tract infection. It's common, don't worry, and you are not a dirty whore. You usually get it after sex and you are especially susceptible to it if you are partial to a bit of doggy style, as the man tends to pump alot of bacteria into you from this angle. You are supposed to pee straight afterwards, as this will get rid of any nasty bladder infecting germs. Cranberry juice will help, as well as cranberry capsules which you can get from most health food stores (said capsules are to be taken orally, not placed up your woo hoo). But really, you need to visit your doctor. Look after your fanny my darlings x

6 comments:

Young Mind said...

Oh wow, this is an especially good post! ahhaa... ummm especially the last tip

Tam Tam said...

Always keen to help sugar x

Young Mind said...

oh, and I 'tagged' you for a blog award! but no need to feel obliged, it's just a bit of fun

Tam Tam said...

wow thats so awesome! You should defo email me your postal address so I can send you come choclates. Owl ones of course ;)

aDeLiNe said...

Your blog is GOLD. Love the way your write, love how true and hilarious it is. Adding it to my reader now, you can expect a visit soon again :)

Tam Tam said...

Top bird, cheers for that x