Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Take my advice...I don't use it anyway. Part douze

DURING THE SUMMER MONTHS YOU MIGHT NEED TO MAKE USE OF YOUR SHOWER MORE THAN ONCE A DAY - Yes people, I'm talking morning and night you dirty buggers. Make use of natures natural cleanser and clean your crevices. I'm not only advising you to do this for your own good, but also for those who have to share any form of public transport with you.

THE WORD 'C*NT' SHOULD NOT BE OVER USED - There are two instances where I feel this word is acceptable and that is during a fit of rage, i.e. 'I can't believe you slept with my husband you c**t' or during a moment of passion, 'I love the way you lick my.....' - otherwise it loses it's dramatic effect. Since living in Australia I have come to notice that Aussies drop the 'C' bomb more than 'Bless you' gets said in a Catholic Church. And while I am not trying to paint myself holier than though as far as the art of profanities go, I am just merely pointing out that if this word is used as a daily noun or adjective then we lose the only curse that exists which shows when we mean business.

WHEN YOU ARE PURCHASING YOUR LEATHER JACKET, AVOID PLASTIC ZIPS - A plastic zip can make real leather look like a black garbage bag, however metal hardware can make even the most pleatherest of jackets look discerning.


LISTEN TO FRIENDLY FIRES - Seriously great musical melodies that will be like butterfly kisses on your ears.

JUST BECAUSE YOU SOMETIMES KISS GIRLS WHEN YOU ARE DRUNK DOES NOT MAKE YOU A LESBIAN - Look, we've all done it. You wanna show the boys how adventurous you are and porn makes it look pretty hot. Yeah chicks are don't have to be a lezza to admit that, and really, the thought of kissing another girl does not gross us out as much as our male counterparts when it comes to lip locking with the same sex. I mean, it's a bit like eating chicken's fine. However, if you are going to go around saying you have now met someone and it's a woman, then you will need to accept that further down the line, when the attention you wanted to gain from the whole experience has died down and you are stuck with dykey dyke mcgee then she is gonna want you to be kissing a whole other set of lips. And lez be honest, that ain't gonna taste like chicken. I'm just saying.

Lez be friends X


Monster Girl said...

just stopping in to say that your blog is amazing.

F said...

I fucking love you.
And I just read this 15 minutes ago.
When I'm 28, I hope I'll learn to be as honest and as vibrant as you, and maybe get out of my pretentious little bubble.


Tam Tam said...

Thanks for reading! I'm sure your bubble isnt as prentencious as you think F....whats the F for?
And Monster Girl, your name is amazing! xx

Mindy said...

Haha some good advice here! You have a great little blog.

Tam Tam said...

Thanks Mindy love x

Tania said...

as usual honest, naughty and fun..just my cup of tea...


Obnoxious Owl said...

you're my cup of tea x