Saturday, April 17, 2010

Take my advice...I don't use it anyway. Part quarante-cing

THE WORD 'PAKI' IS NOT COOL - Not everyone who looks like they could be from Pakistan are from Pakistan. How would you feel if you were called an American if you were Canadian? Irish if you were Scottish? Kiwi if you were Aussie? A racist just because you were a white South African? Fuck off with your ignorance.

IT'S UBER TACKY TO TALK SHIT ABOUT YOUR EX - So it didn't work out? Move on! 1 on 1 bitch fests with your best mate over wine is OK though.

MAKE SURE YOU CLEAN YOUR GENITALS PROPERLY - FOR SEE.REE.OWS. It's a moist crevice for God's sake! Shit can get nasty. It takes like 4.5 seconds in the shower and remember to wipe properly! Plus if it's period time, ya need to bathe more. You may think I'm a bit OTT with this, but my bitches know about the girls I'm talking about. (Sozz I called them genitals - it's a pretty cringe word)

EVERY SO OFTEN YOU NEED A 'MEDIA BOYCOTT' - Yup that means an entire day with no twitter, email, facebook, myspace (does that even still exist?). I swezz to God it helps clear the head. Go take a long bath, read a book, phone a friend instead chatting on the interweb. Let's get back to basics for 24 hours.

IT'S NOT COOL TO LEAVE A PARTY WITHOUT SAYING 'G'BYE - At least make sure you say adios and thanks to the host. Rule of thumb: If there is less than 5 people at the bash, you have to say bye to all of 'em. Else they'll talk about when you leave for defs.

NEVER HAVE SEX IN YOUR PARENTS BED - Would you like it if they had sex in yours? Exactly. And furthermore, if any of my friends are reading this, you may only have sex in my bed if you are good looking. I want no ugly 'ma fuckers bumping and grinding between my sheets thanks.

No thank YOU x


James aka sexpanther said...

I well had intercourse in your bed, the leopard print brought the animal out of me, unfortunately alison was watching dvds at the time, its still intercourse on your own yeah?

Obnoxious Owl said...

It's sex with someone you love I guess. Plus you are handsome.

Christina said...

totally agree with the paki thing (oh i hate that word) its very common in the UK. im like dude i'm Srilankan you do realize that's a totally different county !!

Monster Girl said...

Who would even WANT to have sex in their parents' bed? Ew, ew, ew.