Saturday, June 12, 2010

Take my advice...I don't use it anyway. Part cinquante-sept


IF YOU THINK YOU DON'T LIKE A KIND OF FOOD, YOU PROBABLY ACTUALLY DO - Like I used to think I hated curry, then I had it for the first time tonight and it was like the world cup in my mouth. Pretty wonderful. Except I defs know that I hate olives. And cucumber can get fucked as well.

ALWAYS CARRY WET WIPES - For in case of cleaning your hands/wiping away streaky eyeliner/stains/in case someone wants to go down on you...you just never know.

OR YOU COULD USE ONE TO WIPE THAT JUDGEMENTAL LOOK OFF YOUR FACE - Oh so your friend does drugs/slept with a married man/keeps going back to the same dude that is bad for her/likes to wear Ed Hardy or worse...beige...who the hell do you think you are to pass judgement? Oh sozz, I forgot you breeze through life making all the best decisions. Silly me.

GET A PAP SMEAR - Stop being a bloody girl about it, and get that shit checked out. If you have a revolving man door for a vagina...get it checked. If you smell or see something slightly weird...get it checked. Even if it's perfectly pink and normal...get it checked. Once a year. Every year.

IF HE ONLY EVER WANTS TO 'SEXT' YOU INSTEAD OF DOING IT FOR REAL IT MEANS HE DOESN'T ACTUALLY LIKE YOU - He just wants the sexy words while he imagines Kate Moss is sending them or something.

DEVELOP A HIGHER OPINION OF YOURSELF - This will keep the douche bag boys at bay, stop you from feeling social anxiety at wanky art shows/nightclubs/parties and everything in general will just become so much better. You will be able to not care if the guy you are into doesn't message you, plus you will be happier because you will be able to easily forget anybody who doesn't treat you the way you should be treated. How do you do this you ask? Fucked if I know.

Image by: Miss Van


1 comment:

margg. said...

amen.

totally with you there on the wet-wipes.