Friday, June 18, 2010

Take my advice...I don't use it anyway. Part cinquante-huit


THERE IS LITTLE OR NO SHAME IN ORDERING HALF A PINT - Same goes with spritzers.

YOU CAN'T GET ANGRY WITH SOMEONE IF THEY COPIED YOUR TATTOO, WHEN IN FACT YOU GOT THE SAME ONE AS A CELEB - It's just going down the line innit?

LONDON IS THE GREATEST CITY ON EARTH - Don't argue.

HE IS NOT ALLOWED TO CUM INSIDE YOU - Ever.

YOU DO NOT NEED THE CHIPS TO GO WITH THE SANDWICH - Carb city on the plate meets wobble city on the thighs.

NEVER UNDERESTIMATE THE POWER OF THE SIDE BOOB - It's pretty fucking lethal if you ask me.

USE THAT HAND SANITIZER SHIT AFTER USING A COMPUTER AT A NET CAFE - I'm about to do that in 5.3 seconds.

LESS IS NOT ALWAYS MORE - This goes for gold jewellery, bright colours, and oral sex. Fuck Coco Chanel and all her monochrome wisdom. First rule of being obnoxious: there are no rules.

This is being typed from a pikey net cafe in Hackney, whilst jacked up on cider. FYI. x

4 comments:

Amberly said...

haha aren't you forgetting that originally the whole reason for sex is for him to cum inside you... to make babies! If you're with a guy in a loving, committed relationship then it's just a part of intimacy. Be safe, be smart and follow your heart. Nothing about sex is gross or wrong if you're both comfortable with it.

Anonymous said...

whats yuk about letting him cum inside you? it doesnt feel gross when it happens to me and its most enjoyable way for him to cum anyway isnt it? most of the jizz comes out when he comes out of you, and sex is altogether pretty gross anyway. i wanna know why i shouldnt let him before i go ahead and follow this advice cos i do like your advice, you're a wise owl x

Lady SJ said...

hackney and cider = a london love bomb

excellent advice owl, esp the less is more shizza

x

Obnoxious Owl said...

The cumming inside you should only be happening if you are in a COMMITTED relationship and you know he is healthy. No one night stand or casual hook ups may do this. You could get a disease, or worse...preggers. Plus it is an intimate thing which should be reserved for those that are deserving.

And SJ...I miss ya x