Saturday, July 3, 2010

Take my advice...I don't use it anyway. Part cinquante-neuf


GET ENOUGH SLEEP - You may think you are laughing in the face of the sandman, but that little fucker will chuck you under a sand dune when you least expect it. Don't underestimate the power of the slumber, and get some shut eye. You are not a salmon.

KNOW WHEN TO SAY WHEN - I'm talking about drugs here. And for those who never partake, good for you! And for those who do ... you know what I'm talking about. Don't be that guy.

HOLDING YOUR FINGER TO YOUR MOUTH AND GOING 'SSHHH' IS THE MOST PATRONISING THING ONE CAN DO TO ANOTHER PERSON - Who do you think you are? Rhianna?

WHEN YOU GO TO A STRIP CLUB, THERE WILL ALWAYS BE A HOSTESS FEE - So don't look too shocked when service charge is a whopping 27%. Plus that is just for a bog standard pole dance. And on top of that, old mate stripper will come out looking like a dogs dinner, wearing sparkly flip flops and have a vagina that looks like cos lettuce. Jus sayin.

DON'T BE BORING - It's embarrassing.

Still in London. But my brain is on the hill in Glastonbury. I should get some kind of award for typing this shit x

3 comments:

Monster Girl said...

Definitely learning that sleep lesson lately!

jjaci said...

WORD to the shushing thing! I now officially know someone who does this to me on a regular basis and it's shi*ing me up the wall. It's a real boost for the confidence. Sarcasm intended.

Obnoxious Owl said...

ssshhhh is for wankers