Monday, August 9, 2010

Take my advice...I don't use it anyway SPECIAL EDITION: The things that will make you look like a slut


RIDICULOUSLY SHORT SKIRTS IN MID WINTER - You don't look hot, you look cold and uncomfortable.

STRETCH SATIN - Why not just wear a fishnet bodysuit and get it over with?

TAKING IT IN THE BUM THE FIRST TIME YOU GET DOWN - Come now lassie. I've told you before...keep the party tricks for later...or else home boy will get full way to early...ya get me?

GETTING YOUR TITS OUT WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK - Or in front of his friends.

FLIRTING WITH HIS FRIENDS - There is banter and then there is, 'Hey, we should watch porn together some time'

YOU FORGET THE LAST PERSON YOU HAD SEX WITH - I'm not gonna lie...it's a concern.

YOU HAVE HERPES - Again...it's concerning...for many reasons.

YOU DON'T KNOW WHO THE BABY DADDY IS - I say pick the richest one.

THE PERSON YOU'RE FUCKING IS MARRIED OR HAS A GIRLFRIEND - Check yourself. You deserve better. And so does she.

YOU BEGIN TO REALISE THAT THERE IS NO ONE LEFT IN YOUR GROUP OF FRIENDS TO HAVE SEX WITH - Even the girls.

GIRLS ARE NEVER KEEN TO LEAVE YOU ALONE WITH THEIR MAN - Please girl, sort your fucking life out.

YOUR VAGINA HAS BASICALLY BEEN A REVOLVING MAN DOOR AND MORE THAN TWO GENTLEMAN HAVE TAKEN A SPIN IN UNDER A WEEK - Unless it's a one off...ehrm, *cough* cough*

Hey, I know I may cop a bit of shit for this...mainly because I scream and shout about sexual equality for women...but there is a blurred line between being a sensual female who enjoys taking a lover from time to time and likes to explore her sexuality, and being an insecure cum bucket who uses sex as balm for her lacerated self esteem, comprende?
*If you have ever encountered the dreaded 'herp' or the 'clap' then it doesn't necessarily make you a slut. I'm sorry. But if you don't know who you could have got it from ...well...

XXXO

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

omg! I totally know someone who should read this! love your blog!

Obnoxious Owl said...

Link her up baby. Thanks for the love x

Cupcakes with legs. said...

hahaha i love it! your blog always gives me a good old giggle but at the same time thinking, so true. :)

WJ said...

'You forget the last person you had sex with' - maybe he was that forgettable or you haven't had sex for a seriously long time!

'insecure cum bucket'...love your work :)

Obnoxious Owl said...

Don't worry WJ, my memory has elapsed me too ;) x