Monday, November 29, 2010

Take Justin Ward from Soggybones Magazine's advice...he actually raises some interesting points

BIATCH THE FUCK UPIf your man's taking you for a cunty joy ride, sucking off your cheques and slumming at your place like an obese rodent, ask yourself, what's he good for? Chances are everyone outside your relationship knows he's taking you for granted. His mates will be glad to have him back, your friends will respect you and you'll appreciate true colours...just take time out to clean your dirty windows. The sex can't be that mental, can it?

PAY ATTENTION TO THE WAYS OF A FOREIGN JUNGLEIt's one thing to be all about your roots, but another to be totally rooted in the wrong jungle. For example, if you're heading south to Margaret River or Denmark for a summer weekend with your girls, remember such country places are full of feral men, they're as willing as city dudes, but they just don't give a shit about the latest fashion trends. There is nothing more off putting than a group of Perth girls rock up at the country Tavern looking like they're hitting some crook bar in Subiaco. Leave your heels and cakes of makeup on the floor. Keep it mellow, and if your stomach's down, Coopers it is.

SHOULDERS BACKWhat is with attractive girls whipping around town with weak arse posture? Holy fuck! Girls, if you've got bad posture, but the rest of you is fine and polished, you're not getting in the car. There is nothing worse than a lady slouching mid conversation sipping on her drink. It's off putting. Shoulders back will do wonders for your short/long term health.

EAT ITIf you order, demolish the Kebab, even if it hits the floor. Don't order something and sit there gawking at it for 10 minutes. There is nothing lamer than cruising with a girl and having her order lamb to simply remark when it arrives, "oh, I'm not in the mood anymore. Sorry. Do you mind finishing it off?" Fuck oath we do, eat!

GO ONE UP THIS XMAS - That's if you're thinking of buying me a t-shirt. Men typically sink more beer and drop more kebabs. If it's a little o/s we will grow into it. We won't be offended if you buy one size too big. Nothing worse than a rad looking Tee that's one size too small.

Coopers? No cider in the sticks?, Owl x

Justin is the editor of SOGGYBONES MAGAZINE 


cerebral e said...

Agreed. Love it when a guy tells me to eat. And drink beer.

Nancy Magoo said...

I love when a guy looks like he's a cross between the movies Fast Times at Ridgemont High and Lords of Dogtown. Schwing!

Obnoxious Owl said...

haha word