Thursday, November 11, 2010

Take my advice...I don't use it anyway SPECIAL EDITION: Start a bucket list


Hmm, so I know that most people have a list in their heads of the things they wanna do before they die, but I didn't realize that it  now had a name...The Bucket List. Look, I dunno why it's called that, I think it's from a movie...Google it if it bothers you...wait wait, I think it's the list of things you wanna do before you 'kick the bucket' - yup, that makes sense.  I like this idea for a few reasons, a) I like making lists, b) I work well if I have something to work towards, c) it makes me feel motivated and d) I am now putting them in print so I do kinda have to do them.  I don't know how long I'm gonna have this blog for...haha, can you imagine me dishing out advice at the sexy age of 85 ...

NEVER WALK NAKED IN FRONT OF YOUR HUSBAND - He will ask you if you are going to iron your dress.

Haha, but seriously. If I am still knocking these things out when I'm a golden girl, I'll check back in on this post and see if I achieved anything I said I would...you will have to remind me. Maybe I'll even post about them as I do them. I dunno.  Well here are my buckety things ...




  • I WOULD LIKE TO GO TO ITALY - I lived in Europe for 7 years and went to many places except Italy.  This has always bothered me because Italy is a country I feel passionate about.  I enjoy the Italians attitude towards life.  They don't scrimp on food, wine and leather shoes.  Eating and dressing is not just a daily ritual, they seem to inject passion in these basic human needs and make them quite wonderful.  I wanna be amongst it. Plus I wanna be my gold gilt, vulgar self in peace.
  • I WANT TO JUMP OUT OF A PLANE - Yeah yeah, skydiving will probs be on loads of bucket lists, and it's on mine as well.  I'm not that original.
  • I WANT TO GET A LAP DANCE AND GO TO A DECENT STRIP CLUB - I've been to one measly strip club in London with three friends, and after nearly getting knee capped by the bouncer and having to spend 4 thousand dollars on luke warm beer, we were forced to watch a Russian bird with a weight problem, wearing flip flops and had a vagina like a half eaten burger.  No thanks. Bring me the fembots and I want her to cry while she does it. Kidding! Kinda.
  • AFTER WRITING RHYMES FOR AGES, I ACTUALLY WANT TO BUILD UP THE COURAGE TO RAP IN FRONT OF SOMEBODY AND RECORD SOMETHING - Even if nobody ever listens to it and nothing ever comes of it, I want something other than a photograph as a reminder of this crazy time in my life. 
  • I WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH A ROCK STAR - And not a shit one either. Nobody from Art Vs Science thanks. I'm thinking big time. Like Meatloaf....or Dolly Parton. 
  • I WANT TO EARN ENOUGH TO BE COMFORTABLE - Not even rich, just happy and content. Is that even possible do you reckon?
  • AT SOME POINT I WOULD LIKE TO HAVE SOME SORT OF CHILD - The whole marriage thing is still up in the air for me...sure a wedding would be nice but marriage? Not sure yet.  I would like a baby though, I'm not gonna lie.  Just the one I think. I'm not sure when, because trying to keep the thing alive is a full time job.  Plus I don't wanna raise an asshole...the world has enough.  
  • I WANNA GO TO JAMAICA - Because I have a dutty wine. 
  • I IMAGINE LIVING IN A HOME THAT HAS PURPLE WALLS AND NEON PINK WINDOW FRAMES - Don't judge me, it's my list. 
  • BEFORE I GIVE BIRTH TO AFORE MENTIONED CHILD, I WOULD LIKE TO PUT A CURB ON MY SELFISHNESS - It may be a life long battle.
  • I WANT TO SKINNY DIP IN THE SEA AT MIDNIGHT - Preferably with a man.  But a good friend would be ok too.  I think it would probably be the most liberating feeling ever, especially as I am a little scared of the ocean.  Fuck swimming ina big black swamp without seeing whats at the bottom! Plus there are those sharks feeding on that whale at the moment...wait hang on, I might have to retract this.
  • I WOULD LIKE TO FIND PEACE WITH MY MOTHER - It's a long, draining, intricate story...another time folks.
  • I WANNA OWN A CAR IN POWDER BLUE - Preferably something like an MG.  But I'd even go an old Mini or a VW Beetle.  Powder blue with tan leather interior.
  • I WANNA TRY VARIOUS SEXUAL THINGS WITH SOMEBODY THATS WORTHY - I'm not telling you what they are, mind your own damn business. 
  • IT WOULD BE NICE TO FALL IN LOVE - It's not as easy as it seems.
  • I WANT TO MEET M.I.A - Just a hello and a *high five*. There is something I wanna say to her, but again, I'm not telling.  Also, I'm not a crazed fan.  I have my reasons.
  • I WANT TO OWN SPECIFIC THINGS BY SPECIFIC DESIGNERS - A Chanel handbag.  A Vivienne Westwood suit.  A Matthew Williamson blouse.  A pair of trousers by Balenciaga.  A jacket by Balmain.  Vintage Louis Vuitton luggage.  And I do NOT want rip off's.  I'd rather go without thanks.
  • I WANT TO SEE MORE OF AFRICA AND TAKE MY FRIENDS I'VE MET IN THE OTHER COUNTRIES I'VE LIVED AND SHOW THEM WHERE I GREW UP - I never get tired of seeing the look on someone's face when they see Cape Town for the first time.  God, knowing my luck they probs get hijacked within 5 minutes of landing on African soil which will wipe that look straight off their mug.  Just behave when I'm in town OK South Africa?
  • I WANT TO VISIT DISNEYLAND - I'm sorry. But I do. Bite me.
  • I WANT TO LEARN HOW TO SAMBA - It's the only way I can think of that I will be able to look exactly like Shakira.
  • THERE ARE SO MANY BOOKS I WANT TO READ AND MOVIES I WANT TO WATCH - This requires another list.
  • I WOULD LIKE TO LOSE MY DEPENDANCE ON THE INTERNET - And have more dinner parties.
  • I WANT TO COOK EVERY SINGLE RECIPE OUT OF NIGELLA LAWSON'S 'FEAST' RECIPE BOOK - So my next point should be to watch what I eat innit?
  • I WOULD LOVE TO SPEND A WEEK AT A 5 STAR SPA WITH MY SISTERS - Spa me baby! Fuck. I'd never want to leave!
  • I WOULD LOVE TO ATTEND A CHRISTIAN DIOR FASHION SHOW - Any show at Paris Fashion Week to be honest, but DIOR would be ace.
  • AT SOME POINT I WOULD LIKE TO HAVE THIS FUCK SHOW OF A BLOG PUBLISHED .... - Would you buy it?
  • I WOULD LIKE TO FIND INNER PEACE.

4 comments:

Michelle Belle said...

I can help you out with the Samba thing. My best bud and housemate is a Samba teacher and she is amazing. She performs too and can even show you how to make kickass costumes.
She teaches Samba for Juan Rando Dance Academy http://tango.com.au/courses?s=samba
DO IT! Dancing is my obsession (aside from sockies) and it's the least lame form of exercise.

Oh and Louis Vuitton luggage is DEFINITELY in my list.

Robin said...

I'd buy it.

e said...

Come out to Cali for a visit, we can hit up Disneyland and a choice strip club in one fell swoop ;)
I'd buy it, you always make me laugh!

Obnoxious Owl said...

on my way yo!