Sunday, January 9, 2011

Take my advice...I don't use it anyway SPECIAL EDITION: Tips for an easier life

DON'T GET INVOLVED - Yeah, you might think you have all the answers and you probably do. But you can't go around taking on every single situation that crosses your path if it doesn't have anything to do with you.  Sometimes your friend may just want you to listen, not to sort everything out and make it better. Help them if they ask for help, otherwise, keep your bloody beak in it's nest.

DON'T GO TOO HARD ON THOSE SCHOOL NIGHTS - Working whilst tired will turn you into an asshole and you will be unproductive and do retarded things.  When it's appropriate, play hard. But if your job is important to you, then act like it.

BUDGET - Good heavens this is fresh coming from me ha ha. But for seez...being broke is mighty stressful man. It sucks giant broke donkey's balls.  Try and go without sometimes in order to have $$ for things like your morning latte for example.  One cup of bought coffee for me a day is my guilty pleasure and it really upsets me when I cant afford it because it really is the highlight of my morning.

DO NOT SHIT WHERE YOU EAT - i.e do not fuck your friends, your brothers/sisters friends, your friends partners, your friends ex partners, your friends parents, your neighbour, your teacher/professor/boss, your colleague...get where I'm going with this?  Acting on lust will satisfy you for about 30 minutes.  Then you have to face these people in social environments. You might even find you start getting jealous if they talk about other girls/dudes.  Why would you fucking do this to yourself? You used to be able to hang with your friends without a worry in the world, now you just feel anxious and won't attend things if that person is there.  Keep the flirting up for sure! But if you act on it, then the flirting is done and sometimes, that is what was holding the friendship together in the first place. Innit.

DO YOURSELF A FAVOR, AND GET THAT SHIT WAXED - Why do you insist on shaving and scratching and near burning your privates with hair removal cream??  Get the wax situation on the case and get rid of it!  Stop being such a um, pussy.  IT'S NOT THAT BAD and you will wonder why you never did it before.

PEE STRAIGHT AFTER SEX - Because a UTI is not a summer holiday and it will feel like your bladder wants to die.  A simple flush of any bacteria will ensure you don't get weird crap up on in ya.

WEAR SUNSCREEN - Yes you do burn. No, you don't look tanned you look like a cooked prawn.  Hey, I'm all for worshipping at the sun, but do it safely.  Wear sunscreen. Wear a condom. Wear your seat belt. NO POINT IN CRYING OVER SPILT MILK!

1 comment:

Robin said...

"Wear sunscreen. Wear a condom. Wear your seat belt." is going to be my new mantra. Thanks! :)