Saturday, February 5, 2011

Owls SEX alphabet: A - F

A - is for ANAL. Obviously. It seems more and more dudes think it's on the menu of late.  I mean, it's a pretty gnarly thing to take it up the Jones hey?  Like, we're not actually meant to do that. Dudes just see a hole and they have to put something in it. Once my little cousin put his tiny little penis into a window of a toy train and he couldn't get it off! It took my uncle about an hour of sweat and tears (my little cousins...not his. I think) to get the damn thing off his peanut and guess what? THEY NEVER LEARN!  Some girls dig it and if you do...that's fine. Just don't go dishing it out willy nilly because your bum is most certainly NOT a toy train.

B - is for BLOOD. Don't have sex during your period please. It's fucking gross. I don't care who the hell you are. Sorry.

C - is for CLIT. It is the ultimate 'c word'. Do you even know where yours is? Do you know what gets you off? You do realize that it is probably the most important organ on your body. PROBABLY even more so than your brain.  Look after it and learn what it likes. Then teach others.  Help them to help you.

D - is for DOGGY. - aka 'the best position in the world'.  Also the best position for looking smoking.  However, the one that will cause you to have a fanny fart. Just saying.

E - is for ENERGY. As in have some. Don't just lay there like a wet towel. Even if he is a dud it don't mean you have to be! Still 'oooh' and 'aaaahh' and make the effort.


F - is for FUN. Ha! You though I was gonna say fanny innit? Wrong! Sex is meant to be FUN. This ain't that wack Westboro Baptist Church shit.  No one who belongs to the Church of The Owl is going to Hell because they had some good 'ol 'how's your father' - and if you are part of that dick for brains church then "HI! We're having a better time than you are!" Dickheads.

to be continued...(is this too rude?)

6 comments:

aDeLiNe said...

This is the new bible.

Skye said...

Actually I really don't understand where's the problem with the bloody gore shit. I always fuck while having strawberry week and no men ever complained about it. Well, maybe because I'm pretty good, maybe because they don't think about it. Okay, it's gross, but hey, it's sex, it's always good. Why thinking about something you can wipe away with a piece of paper. Sex is too good to let it be for one week in the month.

Obnoxious Owl said...

Shout out to the term 'strawberry week'!! hahahaha

Raptor said...

have to agree with you, there's something not right about doing it during "strawberry week". Love this though, cant wait to read the rest!

Fresh Frenzy FF said...

Miss Owl for the president.

tj said...

totally agree with Skye - strawberry sex is fine..... sure it looks like a horror movie but sex is sex, just do it... FUN TIMES