Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Owls SEX alphabet: G - L



G - is for GAGGING. Men are sadistic bastards. They get aroused at the sound of you gagging. But then again, I suppose it does give them the feeling that their member is just so large that you can't fit your itty bitty mouth around it nor get it down your delicate throat. Humor them please and suck it like you are starving.

H - is for HAIR. Yes. Hair down there and everywhere. Some dudes like it, some don't. In all honesty, I think we have spoilt them. What with the rising popularity of Brazilian waxing, everyone has gone bald eagle in their nether regions. Now it has become expected rather than appreciated. Gee hey, they can be lucky they are even being allowed to visit el paso del pussy, let alone make demands on your landscaping. If you like it all off do it, if you don't? Then don't! It's kinda like how some of us prefer circumcised over non circumcised...we aren't exactly asking them to go into the bathroom with a blade and a bottle of Dettol now are we? Just make sure you keep it groomed and clean...if you invite someone over for a garden party, you make sure you trim the hedges.

I - is for INTENSITY. Know when to turn it up and when to hit cruise control. You can only do the mad, scratching, hair pulling button ripping fuck shows now and again for them to be effective. Otherwise you will eventually run out of clothes innit? The mornings are good for a slow lazy shag but hey, there is no right or wrong time. It's what feels good at the time. But like any workout, you need to vary the intensity in order for it to be effective and to stop it from becoming boring. The worst thing that could ever happen to sex is predictability.

J - is for JIZZ. Sorry for being all obvious about it. But yeah. Jizz. Cum. Load. Happy juice. Semen. Whatever. There are so many things relating to it...where does it go? Back, chest or face? Who sleeps in the wet patch? (you sleep in your own) and WHY have they not made sheets in mother of pearl?!?  NO it doesn't taste nice, but its not exactly intolerable either. Just er...suck it up and get on with it and don't make a big deal about it.  Damn those porn stars for making it look like we love it...WE DON'T!!! Nobody does. We just pretend we do to make them happy BECAUSE IT'S JUST THE KIND OF GIRL WE ARE!

K - is for KY. Lube it or lose it baby.

L - is for LOVE. You don't have to be in it to win it. Innit.

LETTERS A - F
To be continued...

6 comments:

aDeLiNe said...

To visit el paso del pussy!!! You always have the best expressions!!!!! xxx

N. said...

Awesome. Just, awesome.

Raptor said...

wish i got a cake for every time someone jizzed in my eye......i'd have 2 cakes

Nikki said...

HERO!! Write a book already!

Patrick said...

oh tammy tam tam i love you more than you can imagine and FYI i rarely swallow I'm honest about it i say "um no that isn't going there and if you get it in my hair i may bite it off" I figure and hope that when men evolve (whenever that will happen) that it will be something more appealing like glitter or at least mint flavored which would save me carrying around mints when i go on a date or a walk in the park.

- patrick xx

Obnoxious Owl said...

HA HA! Oh you guys xx