Monday, February 14, 2011

Take my advice...I don't use it anyway Part quatre-vingt-six

STOP BEING SO SELF INVOLVED - Statements like, 'Oh my word, this creepy guy keeps messaging me' makes you sound like a dickhead. For one thing, he only KEEPS messaging because you KEEP replying. Then you go and use his determination to make you look good enough to be worthy of a 'creep'. Also, if people are trying to add you on facebook or come up and say  'sup when they see you out then maybe it's because they actually like you and might want to be friends. But go ahead and add them on facebook if you don't want to be friends with them...they'll see that you are more self absorbent than a ShamWOW and they'll leave you be.

QUITE USING 'FUCK' TO DESCRIBE SOMETHING - i.e. 'It was busy as fuck!' 'It was hard as fuck!' 'I am stupid as fuck!' - seriously. You sound like an uncultured, illiterate baboon.

FEELING SICK? DON'T GO TO THE PARTY! - Yeah I know you think it might pass so you go anyway, but if its not working out then just go home. Why should others run around getting you painkillers, rubbing your back and listening to your fucking whining?  Why did you even go? I mean FUCK sort your life out. (I am an uncultured, illiterate baboon)

DRINK A CUP OF TEA IN THE BATH - Also light some candles. Switch off your phone and take time out. I'm telling sorts your head out. Then when you pull the plug, imagine all your problems and negative vibes were in the water and they have just gone down the drain. I find visuals help ... just like how a dude needs to look at bouncing tits when he wanks.

DON'T ASK THE QUESTIONS THAT YOU WOULD BE BETTER OFF NOT KNOWING THE ANSWERS TO - Like don't ask your boyfriend if he thinks your best friend in hot. Don't ask an ex who you still have feelings for if he has slept with anyone else. Don't ask what the meat is in Chinese food and don't ask how many bitches they've boned. NONE OF THIS MATTERS! You should however ask if they have a condom, if they used skim milk in the latte you just ordered and whether or not they read Obnoxious Owl. KIDDING! No really...

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