Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Old sayings that fry my bacon.



NEVER JUDGE A BOOK BY IT'S COVER .
Oh rly? What if it looks boring as hell and is all dirty and shit? Why would I pick it up? Do you go for a magazine that has someone you can't tolerate on the cover? I don't think you do!! The way we dress sends a message about the kind of person we are. Shallow you say? Oh boo fucking hoo. Sure, there are exceptions but unfortunately, we are visual beings.  How many times do video clips make you fall in love with a song for instance? No one is expecting you to be the coolest kid on the block, but take a bit of pride in what you look like. A pie intact is way more appealing than a dropped one. Get me?

NO USE CRYING OVER SPILLED MILK.
Um, there is actually a lot of use thanks. What if you are having a shit day and that bit of milk was all you had going for you?  It's like saying you can't cry over someone who died. It's called mourning! Yes yes we shouldn't worry about what happened in the past. Whats done is done and all that but fuck man, we are entitled to be pissed when things don't go the way we expect them to. Leave us be with our tears for a second!

IF IT WALKS LIKE A DUCK, TALKS LIKE A DUCK AND LOOKS LIKE A DUCK ITS A DUCK.
Yes thanks for that.

A CHANGE IS AS GOOD AS A HOLIDAY.
I'd prefer laying on my front in a hammock, sipping on a coconut cocktail with someone named Guido in a little shorts gives me a back rub over changing jobs any day!

KEEP YOUR FRIENDS CLOSE BUT YOUR ENEMIES CLOSER.
Now why in Gods name would I want to do that huh? 'Oh hey dude, I know you hate me and stuff and say wack shit to me but you know what? I'm gonna keep you in my fold in case you decide to ruin my life at some point' SCREW THAT! Get the asshole out of you life! Sure, keep a beady eye on them like on FB or something, but bloody hell, cut dem ties!.

MONEY DON'T BUY YOU HAPPINESS.
The only people who say this are those who don't have it (me) and are trying to appease themselves. Money is more powerful than love mate. Two people in love living in the gutter? Yeah don't think so.


If you cant cook don't tell someone their food 
needs salt.

(that should be my new bi line)

4 comments:

Apfelkern said...

Thanks for the mindblowing blog.I love your way of giving advices and criticizing at the same time.

BTW I really enjoy your little proverbs about cakes. My favourites:

A pie intact is way more appealing than a dropped one.
No matter how tasty the cake is, people judge it by the icing.

More of them, please!

Obnoxious Owl said...

mmmmm Cake! x

Laura said...

LOVE your blog. You say what I am thinking most of the time but in a much funnier way.

I need a holiday. I'm in the middle of a Masters and my head is spinning to the point where my work is just not getting done like I want. My tutors advice: "A change is as good as a holiday. Just do another task instead."

I should really send her a link to your blog.

Obnoxious Owl said...

Thanks!

At LEAST get a massage if you can't go away x