Thursday, October 8, 2009

Take my advice...I don't use it anyway...SPECIAL EDITION - HOMME

This one's for the boys. Listen up fellas, do not think you were sitting all high and dry on your pedestal whilst I dealt out advice for your female counterparts. There's a couple o' things you could take on board yourselves....

IF YOU LIKE HER...CALL HER - You see, the problem with us calling or making the first move is that we often get viciously labeled 'psycho' and sometimes even the word 'clingy' is thrown around. OK, generally I do call and message first, well mainly because I don't take any of my own advice. But seriously, find some balls and dial that babes number.

DON'T BAPTISE YOURSELVES IN AFTERSHAVE, THIS AIN'T THE COMING OF THE LORD AND I DOUBT HE'LL CARE WHAT YOU SMELL LIKE - Fair dues, we ladies like a nice smelling gentleman. However, sometimes the scent is more overpowering than a brand new car fragrance pad thingie. Just a smidge boys, just a smidge. There is nothing better than just catching a subtle whiff of something sexy from an equally sexy man. But we just want it to softly caress our nostrils, not sodomise them. Comprende?

JUST DO WHAT YOU SAY YOU'RE GONNA DO - It's all we ask. If you say you'll call then call. If you say you want to see her again...then yup that's right...see her again. If you promise to try on her underwear then ...wait hang on, never mind that. Seriously though, we get all 'psycho' (only a man could come up with that fucking word) when you leave us hanging. Just be straight with us OK sugar?

WE'RE NOT YOUR MUM'S - Learn to cook, it's sexy. We don't enjoy taking over where Mummy left off. Sure you are the apple of her eye, but to us you are another kind of produce. The kind Mum's don't need to know about.

HYGIENE - Yes smelling nice is good, but emptying a can of deodorant on yourself after a workout ain't gonna do anything. It's just gonna add to the pungency, take a frikkin shower you dirty bastard. Generally us normal chicks just enjoy a clean, non fancy over gelled hair styled boy. Chill out on the hair product and make more use of the soap and toothpaste.

WE LIKE SEX TOO. ALOT. - Stop trying to 'nail' us as if you are doing us some big favor. We probably want to get naked and sweaty too, often the difference is we want to make it more worthwhile instead of a quick 'in and out' (excuses my crassness) just to say we've done her, I mean it. Figure out what we want's the big secret....asking us. If we are just another girl on the factory conveyor belt that is your love life then guess what....we can tell. Thanks to 'Sex and the City' it became acceptable to lay it on the table...yup that's right gentlemen, girls talk. So instead of trying to plough us with your funny little one liners, learn about the clitosorous rex.

SOME GIRLS LIKE NICE ARMS, OTHERS LIKE A GOOD SET OF GNASHERS BUT MOST GIRLS LOOK AT SHOES - I'm not kidding. Obviously things like CROCS (ew, I vowed that brand would never make it onto my blog...oh well), those hiking velcro strappy sandal train wrecks and socks with sandals are all a given. But I am writing this blog for my kinda girl, and MY kinda girl would rather stick a fork in her eye than be seen with a dude in pointy toed alligator, python or any other kind of reptile skin shoe. Not chic at all. Not one bit. Just keep it simple and relatively trendy. Converse, Nike's (air force one's not running shoes, and NOT with jeans either), VANS Authentic, bog standard rubber flip flops, simple soft leather dress shoes. Come now gentleman, take one of your lady friends on a shoe shopping trip.

Seriously though, we love you. We really do. That's what kills us.

To be continued...


motel said...

great! i have to disagree with the last one though, i am seriously a fussy thing when it comes to mens shoes. and by that i mean, no slip slops(flip flops? not sure anymore) and no white sneaker boats(lacoste is a big culprit here) that used to be in fashion about 6 years ago. you know the ones...and no racecar driving shoes! i immediately think of an italian 22 something student when i see them. eew! keep the posts coming, makes my day!!! ^_^ xxx

Tam Tam said...

YES!! Those frikkin race car driving things are disgusting. Lacoste and puma have loads to answer for. Hmm, flip flops here in Aus are part of the furniture are my sunshine xx

Tania said...

hehe loving your posts girl!

think you saying whats already in my head.... its bizarre and fabulous at the same time!!!!

mmm Im ok as well on the slip slop front I think boys in slip slops can look pretty cute!

ha ha ha I so hate fancy shoes on men that I tried my hardest to get Brad to wear old school lace-up vans to our wedding.. he didnt listen to my pleas and guess what he has regretted it ever since!!

keep the entries coming Ive gotten alot of friends loving your blog!!!


Young Mind said...

I've just finished reading all your advice posts (so far), and I have to say you are a seriouslu wise owl.
While there are a couple pieces of advice that cause me some mental friction (like 'don't wear biege', and 'take photos of everything'), I can tell that this is the place I'm going to turn to anytime I am facing some kind of dilemma.

Tam Tam said...

Wow thanks ladies, keep reading and commenting! I'm so thankful xx

black vanilla rose said...

Awesome points! I hope boys everywhere read these and take note xxx