Monday, November 16, 2009

Take my advice...I don't use it anyway. Part quinze


COCKTAIL GOGGLES ARE REAL - When we are drunk, guys suddenly seem a lot more like Brad Pitt than 'the pits'. It's a bit of a double edged sword really, because without the drunken, embarrassing hook ups, we don't have those hilarious 'remember when I ...' sessions with the girls later. With every hot guy, one ugly duckling must come. Don't feel too bad about those cringe worthy snog fests on those messy night outs, but at the same time, try not to make it a habit. There are messy nights out, then there are MESSY NIGHTS OUT. If you know what I mean. Oh and if someone less attractive than you turns you down...you might need to re assess yourself.

MEN ARE VISUAL CREATURES - No, I don't mean great to look at, well...that too, but I mean they are visually stimulated. So don't hold back. If you want to indulge in some sexy time with a male or turn up the heat, there are a few tricks you can do ... I don't actually think I am about to tell you anything you don't already know really. But here we go anyway: 1) Let your lips glide over the neck of your bottle of beer - his mind will be awash with blow jobs and beer...it's boy heaven. Please ladies SUBTLETY is the key word here, you don't wanna be indulging the bottle in deep throat, just a gentle innuendo will suffice. 2) Let him in the change rooms when you are trying on clothes...especially lingerie. Put it on slowly and gently let your hands run over your curves and lady bumps all while acting unaware that he is watching you. 3) When you are putting make up in front of him, lean over your dressing table and stick your bum in the air whilst arching your back...he will oblige you.

ORDER THAT SKINNY CAPPUCCINO - If we're being honest, there is not much of a difference in taste between skim and full fat milk, but the calorie difference is immense. LITTLE PICKERS WEAR BIGGER KNICKERS!

THE LITTLE BLACK DRESS REALLY IS A WARDROBE STAPLE - Yeah yeah, nothing new. But seriously, it is so true. Find a basic, short, black, well fitted dress and the possibilities are endless! I'd go with more of a floaty whimsical number than a stiff, tight one. You can throw a denim jacket over it with Converse high tops for a urban street kinda look, or obvious heels for night time, but instead of just putting on the boring matching black pair, go with red, green or even neon pink...the dress is black for God's sake, black goes with everything. Add a vintage brooch with black ballet flats and a little blazer for a date or lunch with the girls, put a stripey tshirt underneath teamed with huge hoop earrings and flip flops for ice cream at the beach. Wear your hair up in a messy sexy do with strands and strands of pearls and your best 'Fuck Me Heels' to lure a prospective penis. If you have a cute black dress, you will always have something to wear.

REALLY? YOU LOVE OBAMA? - Please, do not get me wrong. I love president Barack Obama. The fact that we have a man of multicultural heritage in charge of a great nation is a positive step in the right direction in my opinion. However, the amount of cats who claim to LOVE him because Beyonce has made it fashionable by wearing a tshirt with his face on it, or because you can get Obama bobble heads just irritates me. These same people HATED George W and didn't really know why they did either, but they knew everyone else did so it must be the right thing to do. Sure Mr Obama is doing some good things, why don't you go find out what they are before you declare yourself a big fan...I guess in life we need the sheep so the shepherds don't get bored.

Yeah. I went there x

4 comments:

Raptor said...

love this one! so true about Obama, ive covered this topic aswell. people need to read a book or something haha - http://liveandloose.blogspot.com/2009/10/obama-abortions.html

joel said...

well for a start, America is far from a "great nation" in fact they are the exact opposite of that.

and obama aint doing shit.
cause he aint in charge of shit.
he's a puppet, a face, thats all.

And the love for obama has nothing to do with his policies (or lies is my preferred term) it's in most but not all cases just because of his skin colour, which is "reverse racism?" and in my opinion just as pathetic as Racism.

Pull the wool from your eyes people!!!! you are being lied to.
turn off your fucking TVs, Stop reading the news paper and please stop conforming!

alternatively give away your brain cause right now it isn't yours anyway.

Wilbs said...

well said, joel.

i'm also glad that obama wasn't called 'black', because he has a much more diverse background than that. so yes, 'reverse racism'.

Obnoxious Owl said...

Um, I fail to see where there is any racism here...reverse or otherwise. The small paragraph in an otherwise tongue in cheek post, was merely a dig at those who assign themselves to an opinion before doing their research. Which you guys obviously do, so 'well done'! If you have read my blog thoroughly you will know that I am South African, I may know a little about 'reverse racism'. The fact I like a man of multicultural heritage in charge of a powerful nation such as the USA is not because he is black, but because the Bible Belt is thinking a little outside of the box...and I enjoy broad minded thinking. Thanks for reading anyway. Hey maybe, we'll get a gay prime minister for Australia next! Now wouldn't THAT be liberal, at least parliment will wear better outfits. (insert attack on sexual stereo types)