Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Take my advice...I don't use it anyway. Part seize

AVOID V.P.L - Visible. Panty. Line. If you can't handle a g-string then go without knickers rather than having this unsightly ridge around your bottom. The V.P.L does the same to an otherwise fabulous outfit what guys doing baby talk does to sex...'STOP! You're ruining it!'

SO, YOU'VE BROKEN UP BUT YOU CAN'T HELP IT IF YOU STILL FREQUENT THE SAME PLACES - Yeah. Fucking. Right. Nobody, including you, really thinks you are going to your old favourite Mexican restaurant on a Tuesday night for nachos. You are sooooo trying to run into him! Strike up a relationship with some new places to go. Much like your ex, those restaurants/pubs/coffee shops/clubs aren't the only place to go in town and somewhere else is bound to have better nachos. BREAK UPS GIVE YOU AN OPPORTUNITY TO GIVE YOUR LIFE A MAKE OVER. So lets start with where you like to go for your Mexican fix.

THERE IS NO PERFUME LIKE CHANEL PERFUME - Celebrity fragrances are basically sugar water with some rose petals thrown into it. Much like the ones we used to make as a child. Although there may be a few exceptions...Gwen Stefani maybe, and possibly Kate Moss...possibly. But do we really want to wearing what Avril Lavigne deems cool? Let's not be silly now.

VINTAGE AND SECOND HAND CLOTHING IS JUST WONDERFUL - But would you mind washing the stuff before wearing it please? As the saying goes, 'You don't know where it's been'.

PEOPLES RELIGIOUS BELIEFS SHOULD BE LEFT ALONE - The amount of Atheists that bang on about the um...big bang theory are just as grating as those from the God Squad that speak Christianese all day long. We all have a theory, just like we all have ass holes.

IF YOU ARE A SMOKER AND YOU ENJOY A COFFEE, YOU MIGHT NEED TO STEP UP ON THE 'OL DENTAL HYGIENE - Yeah, I'm sure that morning fag and cup of java goes down real well. But your breath afterwards goes down like a dead rat. Keep some chewy in your pocket to disguise your sewer of a breath with some minty freshness.

YOU MIGHT WANT TO THINK AGAIN ABOUT PUTTING 'SEXY_KITTEN_SUGARLIPS_4U@HOTMAIL.COM ON YOUR RESUME - Yup we all have a dodgy email address we made when we were 12 but it's time to grow up now sugar. Make a new account! It's free for Gods sake! As a manager in a company, I cringe inside when I receive such resumes. It shows a lack of attention to detail and makes you look a little lame. I'm just saying.

I mean it with love x


Young Mind said...

Great post, once again! I have no idea how you have the stamina to keep banging out all these advisory posts, but please do not stop! haha
Oh, and you're and company manager too? Would you mind saying which company? :)
I'm currently studying for my commerce exam today... shall be the death of me!

Obnoxious Owl said...

Its for a clothing company. I'm starting to question the stamina! haha, Good luck for the exam x

Anonymous said...

Dear Tammy,
Are you trying to say that scientific empiricism and religious mumbo jumbo have equal claims to validity?
Surely thats not what you mean.

Obnoxious Owl said...

Dear 'Anonymous'
I mean that there is a time and a manner to get your point across. Thats what I mean. My beliefs are not relevant here.

Muttering Mark said...

that made me laugh, one of good friends had an e-mail address (name)69@hotmail.com, she didn't realise, until a friend reviewed her CV after a few job rejections.