Tuesday, April 13, 2010

The Beige List


See I think people don't really get what I mean when I say something is 'beige'. I keep seeing readers of this blog using it completely outta context! You can't call someone or something 'beige' just because you don't like it. Being 'beige' means it's non descript, boring or unmemorable. You can't hate 'beige' things...you are to feel indifferent. Someone who happens to be fairly tacky, vulgar or irritating like say Kendra from Girls of the Playboy Mansion is WAY more entertaining than Gwyneth Paltrow aka 'The Queen of Beige City' - in my opinion.

I kinda caused somewhat of a stir in my last Beige List by mentioning Poland (yes the country). It did not mean that I thought Poland was shit. It just meant that if you had a choice between Poland and say...Tokyo, watcha gonna choose? If the world were a box of crayons, Poland ain't exactly gonna be the fuchsia one now is it? Please don't beige me to tears with your pro Poland comments. Thank you. *Note: This is not a hate campaign! It's just a list of things that just don't leave a lasting impression. At least to me.
  • Plain yogurt at room temperature. (not yuck, just meh)

  • Anything at room temperature.

  • Anything 'luke warm'.

  • The name 'Luke'.

  • Apples. (unless they're in a pie)

  • The name 'Apple'. (God. Only Beige McGee would name a kid that)

  • The Oscars (as if you care who wins best costume designer)

  • Mac and cheese with no red sauce aka 'ketchup' (what's the point?)

  • Chips with no red sauce or aioli aka 'fancy mayo'.

  • Delta Goodrum. (Girl get a sex tape or something...I beg of you)

  • Frankie Magazine

  • Plain vanilla ice cream. (And I don't mean the fancy one with the vanilla seeds)

  • Rayban Wayfarers. (It's been done)

  • Telling me about your non-wet dream. (care factor: zero)

  • Kevin Rudd. (He's no Saddam is he?)

  • Your tattoo that comes with a story as long as the Bible.

  • Family Crest tattoo's.

  • French manicures.

  • Marshmallows.

  • April Fools Day. (unless you are creative. Most aren't)

  • McDonald's Apple Pie. (They are always a squillion degrees too fucking hot)

  • VH1's top 10 sexiest. (oh God, we KNOW it's gonna be Jessica Alba)

  • Jessica Alba.

  • Describing hail stones as 'golf balls'. (surely there is another comparison?)

  • What you ate on the plane. (nobody cares)

  • Sparrows. (unless it's Captain Jack. Plus a sparrow ain't no owl...innit?)

*Note: Just because you have a beige name, doesnt mean YOU are beige.

xxx


8 comments:

Gracie said...

very good. & Thank you.

xx

Obnoxious Owl said...

Thank YOU. oh God. I'm converted.

xx

Jul's said...

I would add talking about cars. Most of the time it's beige.

Anonymous said...

Frankie Magazine is amazing; I know you think it's beige but calling it so pretty much trashed my whole belief system.

Obnoxious Owl said...

Hmm see I wouldn't call Frankie amazing...but it's not crap. It just boils down to what you're in to. 'beige' does not mean 'shit' - it just means it doesn't make a big impact. Just because you read Frankie, or you like chips with no sauce, doesn't make YOU beige. Ya get me? x

ImeƱa said...

I didn't think anybody else liked mac and cheese with ketchup. You are just amazing <3

filosofiapop said...

Jack Sparrow is really beige to me :/

Anonymous said...

If you say beige means that you don't care about something, than why do you blog those things? I don't quite get it.