Thursday, August 26, 2010

Take my advice...I don't use it anyway SPECIAL EDITION: 'cause I'm just a teenage dirtbag baby

The things I wish that someone told me ...

YOU KNOW THAT BOY YOU'RE CRYING OVER?  THE ONE YOU THINK YOU CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT? - It's all bullshit.  In ten no FIVE years from now you will either a) laugh at the fact you ever had a thing for him and/or b) you will have forgotten all about him.  Don't cry baby girl, they only get worse as they get older. Sozz about the bad news.

YOU KNOW THAT LITTLE PLAN YOU HAVE?  THE ONE WHERE YOU ARE GONNA GET MARRIED BY THE AGE OF 23?  HAVE YOUR FIRST BABY BY THE TIME YOU TURN 26 ETC? -  All bollocks.  People in their 20's seem sooooooooo old when you're teenager.  They ain't.  One day you will wake up and it will be your 29th birthday and you would have done none of those things.  Don't plan. Live!!  party, meet people, have loads of sex (safely)...if marriage and brats happen during this? Awesome!  If not? So fucking what!  As John Lennon once said to me; 'Life happens when you're busy making other plans'

YOU ARE NOT FAT - I promise you will look at a photograph of yourself one day and yell out, 'Look how thin I was!' I swear on my life.

TRAVEL - I'm guessing if you are a reader of this blog, you would be shall we say a little wordly or open minded?  Maybe you just like swear words I dunno, but I want you to clean your ears and litsen to Aunty Owl...sort out your passport, save your $$$, pick a country and hit it up.  You have nothing to lose.  Nothing.

SPEAKING OF MONEY - Say a massive 'fuck you' to debt.  Don't get a credit card and don't get sucked in to owing people for stupid stuff you don't need.  Except for studying.  Thats different.

ON THE SUBJECT OF STUDYING - Alot of olds have plans for their offspring before they leave the bloody womb.  Fathers want their sons to maybe continue the family business, some Mum's want their daughters to marry well and breed.  With this kind of input, you can get your own future plans twisted and end up sucked into something you can't stand.  Research!!  FUCK, you guys have the internet these days man!  Hit up people who are doing jobs you would be intersted in and ask questions...most would be happy to oblige beacuse they to know what it's like to be part of the fuck show that is being a teenager.

DRINKING AND DRUGS - blah blah blah in moderation blah blah blah.  Nobody likes a junkie basically.

SEX IS NOT DIRTY - And it doesn't have to be with someone you love....thats just a bonus.  But it DOES have to be with some you feel comfortable with and who doesn't make you doubt yourself.  You don't even have to respect the other person, you just need to make sure you maintain the respect for yourself.  And if homeboy doesn't call you after you've done the deed?  Hey babe, it's happened to the best of us.  Bee. Leave.

YOU KNOW THOSE BITCHES AT SCHOOL? - Fuck 'em.  The effect they will have on your life is a big fat ZERO.  Unless of course you let them.  I swear to God you will look at photos of them on facebook one day and they will look older than your Mum.  And if you are the bitch?  Sort your shit out now please.  We have enough arsehole adults in the world already thanks.

Stay in school kids x


elisa said...

Dear miss owl,
yours is truly my fave blog in the world, no word of a lie, you make my smile lines deeper with each post...
and as a late-twenty-something, big head nods for all the above x

Obnoxious Owl said...

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx thank you.