Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Take my advice...I don't use it anyway HOMME Part 25


WOMEN ARE STILL UP FOR CHIVALRY - I'm reading your mind right now, and I'm reading that you are thinking 'Well act like a fucking lady then' and it's true! But there seems to be a chicken and an egg sitch happening here. Like, did girls start becoming more of a beer slurping, potty mouthed, unromantic breed and therefore, men feel strange opening doors for them?  Or did girls decide to take a if you can't beat 'em, join 'em approach?  I think that girls are just out to impress boys by being crass and vulgar (especially on social networks and um, blogs) but deep down, they still want a prince to sweep in and treat them like a Disney princess. 

BUT HERE'S THE CONUNDRUM FOR YOU LOT... - The trend for dirty, badass sex is on the rise amongst chicks. It is!  Thanks to shows such as 'Secret Diaries of a Call Girl' and the ever trusty old Sarah Jessica (walks into a bar) Parker in Sex and the City, it has become more acceptable for women to be more open about their sexual preferences..out loud. So here they are online and in social situations saying how much they love a finger being slipped in the ass, or taking a load in their face and THEN are expecting you to be all, 'Hey baby you OK? You cold? you want my jacket?' And you know what? So they should! Don't let a women's behaviour in front of you fool you...she wants you to be a gentleman and woo her (yes woo) - and then whisper 'whore' into her ear in the bedroom. Confusing for you? Yes. But only if you aren't yet a man and can't handle it.

WHEN SHE TELLS YOU 'I'M THINKING ABOUT GETTING MY BOOBS/NOSE/LIPS DONE' ... - it means she wants you to go 'Why?! You don't need to!' - humor her please.

GROW SOME AND DON'T ASK A GIRL OUT OVER CHAT OR ANY OTHER FORM OF ONLINE MEDIA - Caallllllllllllllllllllll Heeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   Fuck.

FANNY FARTS HAPPEN - And we thank you for making us feel comfortable about them. Ignoring it is always good but making a light hearted joke can be cute. Just don't be a wanker about it, because Lord knows, one day you ain't gonna be bringing any wood to the party and you will end up being that fat kid crying in the corner. Ya get me? x


Anonymous said...

Lakyn said...

Every man in the world should probably read this. And by "probably read this," I mean tack it on their dicks so they're constantly looking at it.

Obnoxious Owl said...

Ha! x