Take my advice...I don't use it anyway Part quatre-vingt-huit

LOW SELF ESTEEM FUCKS WITH YOU - Man, this shit can kill you quicker than cancer. It eats away at you until you are nothing but a moody, whiny, boring bitch.  We all know that what makes us unhappy about ourselves we can change, yet we struggle to do this, thus making us angry at ourselves and frustrated which only adds to the dregs of our self esteem. It really is all in your head. YOU NEVER LOOK AS BAD/FAT/UGLY AS YOU THINK YOU DO. If you say out loud 'God I look shit today' then yes, everyone will think you look shit today. Also, everyone knows you are just looking for a compliment or validation that you don't in fact 'look shit'. It's a tough one this, and I actually don't have a lot of advice for it. Only you know what you gotta do, so do it. 

IF HE ASKS YOU OUT, THEN HE SHOULD PAY - Nothing more of a clit killer than when a man makes you pay for your own dinner after he called the date. If you call it, you pay or he should at least offer. Call it old fashioned, I call it fucking manners.

THIS BLOG IS NOT ABOUT YOU - Are you really that self obsessed? When you read blogs or social network commentary do you take it personally? I s'pose everyone does to an extent, but then common sense and the dawning of the realization that, 'HEY! Not everything is about me!' enters the mind and you go on your merry little way. And FYI? This part is totally about you. 

QUIT HATING ON PEOPLE WHO ARE SHIT - If there ain't shit people, then you don't look as good as you do because you won't have the comparison. We need the shit people. Love you shit people! You don't have to hang around them (a summer festival in Australia can often be a shit people party) but don't sit on your 'I'm too cool' corner making judgments and passing obvious comments, because without them, you won't be you. Sometimes, besides having role models of who we aspire to be, it's good to have the 'role models' of those we avoid to be. Ya know?

MAKE TIME FOR FAMILY AND BUY YOUR NAN SOME FLOWERS - I don't give a toss about how you feel towards them (unless, you know, you were abused some shit) but I encourage you to get over it and bury the hatchet. Whatever that fucking means.

Take my advice...I don't use it anyway HOMME Part 25

FOR BOYS ONLY

WOMEN ARE STILL UP FOR CHIVALRY - I'm reading your mind right now, and I'm reading that you are thinking 'Well act like a fucking lady then' and it's true! But there seems to be a chicken and an egg sitch happening here. Like, did girls start becoming more of a beer slurping, potty mouthed, unromantic breed and therefore, men feel strange opening doors for them?  Or did girls decide to take a if you can't beat 'em, join 'em approach?  I think that girls are just out to impress boys by being crass and vulgar (especially on social networks and um, blogs) but deep down, they still want a prince to sweep in and treat them like a Disney princess. 

BUT HERE'S THE CONUNDRUM FOR YOU LOT... - The trend for dirty, badass sex is on the rise amongst chicks. It is!  Thanks to shows such as 'Secret Diaries of a Call Girl' and the ever trusty old Sarah Jessica (walks into a bar) Parker in Sex and the City, it has become more acceptable for women to be more open about their sexual preferences..out loud. So here they are online and in social situations saying how much they love a finger being slipped in the ass, or taking a load in their face and THEN are expecting you to be all, 'Hey baby you OK? You cold? you want my jacket?' And you know what? So they should! Don't let a women's behaviour in front of you fool you...she wants you to be a gentleman and woo her (yes woo) - and then whisper 'whore' into her ear in the bedroom. Confusing for you? Yes. But only if you aren't yet a man and can't handle it.

WHEN SHE TELLS YOU 'I'M THINKING ABOUT GETTING MY BOOBS/NOSE/LIPS DONE' ... - it means she wants you to go 'Why?! You don't need to!' - humor her please.

GROW SOME AND DON'T ASK A GIRL OUT OVER CHAT OR ANY OTHER FORM OF ONLINE MEDIA - Caallllllllllllllllllllll Heeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   Fuck.

FANNY FARTS HAPPEN - And we thank you for making us feel comfortable about them. Ignoring it is always good but making a light hearted joke can be cute. Just don't be a wanker about it, because Lord knows, one day you ain't gonna be bringing any wood to the party and you will end up being that fat kid crying in the corner. Ya get me? x