Friday, April 1, 2011

Take my advice...I don't use it anyway SPECIAL EDITION: Life admin

Ever feel like you are losing control of your life? You know there is nothing major happening yet you just don't feel like you've got a grip on things? Shit is falling through the cracks and it makes you feel mildly anxious? I feel like that all the God damn time. I am in a continuous mind set that I 'should'  be doing something and it sucks horses balls.  I find a bit of general admin puts things into perspective.

BILLS/FINES/AND OTHER $$$$ RELATED ISSUES - This is the worst of the worst 'cause it hangs over your head like the acid rain cloud that it is. Every time I put my hand in my bag to look for something I would find another hot damn parking fine that I stuffed in there before forgetting about it. Then when I think I'm on top of something another little winner of a bill rears it's life ruining head in my mailbox. WOULD THE WORLD GIVE ME A BREAK PLEASE.  It's very easy to just throw money at whomever shouts loudest but you have to prioritise. Firstly, you don't want to lose your license, so you want to get onto anything that is fine related. Secondly, you don't want to live in darkness so pay yo bills. Phone and Internet should be last on the priority list if you are up to your ears in paper that ain't worth much, they are the more understanding folk when you give them a ring and ask for an extension. But for real, don't ignore money issues. They are sleepless night inducing fuck shows.

HEALTH - Go to the doctor and book that dentist appointment. Apply for private health and go to the supermarket and stock up on things that are good for you for once. Those fast food treats and booze benders always seem like they are occasional but before you know it, you are all up in an unhealthy highway and you need to pull your fucking head in. A few nights in and an early night or two won't go astray either.  Trust me, you'll feel better for it. Just please Lord don't become boring. Also, have a lot of rough, vigorous sex. Masturbate. Buy some toys. Watch porn on those nights in. Get sensual and healthy baby.

CLEAN - Clean your fridge, do your laundry, vacuum, take your car through the car wash.  Sterilize your bathroom, buy some new bed sheets and buy a new toothbrush. A scented candle wouldn't be a bad idea either. Be all Frankie magazine about it as well, and cop yourself some flowers and put them on the side of the bath. Then have a bath and shave your legs. You can have your first wine for the week now as well.

BODY AND MIND - Please girl, shave your legs and get your nails done. They don't have to be some mad manicure, just file them and keep them clean. Cover yourself in body lotion (even your boobs), and put on a face mask. Dye your hair and buy some new make up. Put the computer away for a bit, switch your phone off and watch a flick you've been meaning to watch or...*shock horror* .... read a book! Make a list of all the boys who are bad for you and cut the fuckers off.  Spring clean that little black book baby girl! Stop thinking about 'him' - you only miss 'him' because you are scared of the future. Don't be. It's gonna be the tits!

WORK - Have an early night and set your alarm a little earlier than normal. When you wake up the first thing you do after you pee is drink a full glass of water before you do anything else (a Korean beautician I used to have in London told me this years ago and I swear to God it changed my skin forever) then have a shower and do your hair and make up with the same amount of care you would for a night out. Get into work focused and pick up your favorite coffee. DO NOT SIGN INTO FACEBOOK. Fuck that shit right's a time zapper. Start your working day as you mean to go on. Avoid office gossip. Avoid negative talk. Avoid moaning. Avoid cunts. You get paid to be there, you don't have to be besties with these people. Key word here: FOCUS.

DREAMS - Start putting them into action. The age old list system with a piece of paper and pen is still the best way to go about this. Make your dreams tangible. Nothing is over the top, aim high! (sorry if I sound like
Oprah) then make make some plans babe.  Also, don't tell anyone your plans. Keep your cards close to your chest, assholes wanna hate and put doubt in your mind. Don't think out loud and only speak about it when it starts to unfold.

Remember, keep it tight. Especially your vagina.


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