Thursday, November 5, 2009

Take my advice...I don't use it anyway HOMME Part 4


THERE IS NO NEED FOR YOU TO TELL US HOW HOT YOU THINK OUR FRIENDS ARE - Unless you want to suck your own dick later that is.

CLEANSE AND MOISTURISE YOUR FACE - It. is. not. gay. You need to do it. Do you think that baby bottom skin is gonna last forever? So many brands do skincare for dudes now anyway, so the packaging is all manly and stuff. It's fine. No one will laugh at you.

DO YOURSELF A FAVOUR, AND GO BUY YOURSELF A PAIR OF JEANS THAT FIT YOU WELL - The best thing about your body is your ass. A pair of good jeans well help accentuate this little treasure. You need to avoid boot cuts and please for the love of GOD avoid stone wash. Yes yes some of you think skinny jeans are gayer that Elton John on all fours, so we're not asking you to get them, but get some that make your ass look like two scoops of ice cream please at least. Hardly anywhere does jeans with a zip fly for dudes now so don't ask for them, also, button fly denims are safer...lets be honest. So to sum it up, you need a pair of bog standard straight leg jeans that sit low on the hip, do not have a boot cut, button fly and low back pockets. Find a lady sales assistant to help you, she'll thoroughly enjoy the experience. Trust me.

TIPS FOR BUYING UNDERWEAR - Avoid the word 'polyester'. Avoid Crotchless. Avoid anything from the Adult Store, those things are meant for chicks named Cookie and whores, or for when you and your missus are just wanting a bit of fun. If you are purchasing knickers as a gift it needs to be something sexy yet tasteful. It needs to fit her properly too. You can't buy her a DD just because you want her to be that, a good bra can make her look like she has DD's anyway. Check out her underwear drawer and look at the sizes. Ask her mates...(for her size. Not theirs.) Do some research my dear. Go for black, white, soft pinks or leopard print. She's your lady, not your mistress. Cute polka dots and such is wonderful too. Elle Macpherson, Pleasure State and Agent Provocateur are all good choices. Happy shopping.

YEAH OF COURSE SIZE DOESN'T MATTER - Just like tits don't matter to you.

Don't forget to moisturize that gorgeous mug of yours x


shamblebaby said...


i wrote a little post about you i guess you won't understand it, but anyway:

mabye you can try this awful google translator (or you already have something better to translate german to english)


Tam Tam said...

I tried the translater and I got the gist of it. You are wonderful, thank you. I hope to visit Hamburg next year sometime as I have never been to Germany. Thanks sugar tits x

uber_bri said...

tammy, again you make me laugh and get tingles - i dont know why i got tingles from your last entry - maybe it was the bum thing, haha. you have the best way with words and it makes me miss you more, when are you getting here? xoxoxox

miss moose said...

you are completely and utterly fabulous. i just about peed my pants laughing reading your posts. tmi? maybe, but just wanted you to know how much i like your blog. :-)

Tam Tam said...

haha miss moose...there is never tmi...I LOVE tmi xx

danica said...

i only discovered your blog the other day and started going through your previous advice posts - i am hooked! thanks for giving me a good giggle this morning :)

Obnoxious Owl said...

thanks doll x

Mister S. said...

I'm a dude. A straight one as well.

I can honestly say that your blog is awesome. It's like a girl's diary. And even though we hate to admit it, every man wants to read a girls diary if he ever gets the chance. (We are nosey little bastards)

Really good advices. Agree on the clean face but may I say that the moisturizer isn't necessary. After shave balsams will do that for you (and they are manly as hell).

Also I'm so going to buy the jeans exactly as you described them, hell I'll even ask the assistance if my ass looks good in these. And I'll do it on my own this time (usually I get a lady friend to come with me and help me choose clothes).

Anywho, longest comment ever I suppose.

Keep up the good work! Cheers.

P.S And to a proper man, tits don't matter. As long as we can feel it in our hands it's okay. ;)

Obnoxious Owl said...

Wow dude thats awesome, thanks for commenting. It a tough 'ol think this thing called life, and I think we could all use a little help.
Send me a picture of your butt in those jeans :) Ta for reading x