Thursday, November 19, 2009

Take my advice...I don't use it anyway HOMME Part 5

FOR BOYS ONLY

CHILL OUT ON THE HOMOPHOBIA - It ain't sexy honey. What do you think these gay guys are going to do to you exactly? Hold you down and take your bum hole virginity whilst singing a Cher number into your ear all whilst wearing pink skinny jeans? Listen my dears, half of them can't even hold down their eyelash curlers, let alone hold you down. Straight boys getting freaked out by their homosexual counterparts just makes me want to yawn these days. They are GAY, just leave them the hell alone and stop hating. What makes me laugh even more is that most of the 'alleged' straight dudes dress and act more feminine than Elton John at a tea party. Don't stress about the gay boys sugar, they wont bite...unless you want them to.

YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT, BUY US TEA TOWELS OR BLENDERS AS PRESENTS - It's so frikkin sexy it makes us moist in our knickers. Not.

DO NOT BITCH AND GOSSIP ABOUT CHICKS - Leave that to us. There is something terribly off putting about a guy getting involved in female politics. It's all bull shit anyway, so keep your nose out and just stand there and look pretty OK? I'm kidding! Or am I ...

WOULD YOU KINDLY USE THE TOILET BEFORE COMING TO BED WHEN YOU'VE BEEN DRINKING - Hands up ladies who have had their men piss the bed after a night of boozing? Other things include in the cupboard, in their shoes...even on US - and not in a good way, I might add.

WE REALLY LOVE IT WHEN YOU COOK US DINNER - Even if you can't cook...try. You can buy those pasta sauces in jars these days - they aren't great, but they'll do, boil some linguine, mix in the sauce, sprinkle some parmesan cheese on top. Set the table with some flowers, get a good bottle of wine - splash out and spend more than 20 bucks on it and put 'Kings of Convenience' on the stereo. Seriously, it doesn't have to be fancy. We'll just love it that you made the effort. If you do all of this, and she is a miserable cow about it I THEN give you permission to piss the bed.

God speed fella's x


4 comments:

Ana Maria. said...

I really like your advices, so funny but so true!

Raptor said...

hahah, peeing the bed!? im so glad ive never experienced this!

Obnoxious Owl said...

Your time will come...

Raptor said...

uh ohhhhhhhhh! Better keep my eye on work ethic!