Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Take my advice...I don't use it anyway SPECIAL EDITION: THE ONE NIGHT STAND


KNOW WHAT YOU ARE GETTING YOURSELF IN FOR - Do you think you might like the guy? Are you able to do this and not feel the need to compulsively message and facebook stalk him afterwards? Are you sure you are doing it because you are really horny and not just because you are attention starved? Think about these things sugar. And answer them truthfully. Because if you think you might want more...then stop yourself. Easier said then done I know. I'm like a frikkin express train...ever seen a train try to hit the breaks in a hurry? Yeah. Exactly.

USE PROTECTION - God knows where his fleshy sword has been in battle. And not only that but it's also all fun and games until someone gets pregnant.

DO NOT FALL FOR HIS LINES - Look, we are all adults here. It's the 21st God damn fucking century...chicks have cobwebs of sexual starvation that need dusting with meaty feather dusters from time to time. Be up front about what you are about to do. Get him to be straight with you. It's the empty promises that are the head fuck. If you are in for the night only, let him know, so he can drop his little game plan and both parties can enter the night of passion on an equal footing. Unless he is a sadistic bastard and gets off on treating woman like disposable razors, you do not need to give up any ass for a dick-for-brains like this. Let some bimbo stroke his non existent ego and fluff his insecurities. You are better than that.

TRY TO STAY ON GOOD TERMS - Hey, you've just been mega intimate with another human being. He has seen parts of your body not even you have seen without the help of a small handheld mirror. If you bump into him, greet him with a smile and a knowing wink. Let's be mature about it. After all, if it was good, you might want to do it again.

THE ODD ONE NIGHTER EVERY SO OFTEN CAN BE SATISFYING AND GIVE YOU A SELF ESTEEM BOOST - However...the one nighter every WEEKEND can have the complete opposite effect. These sexy run in's should be viewed as a treat my lovelies and NOT as your staple diet

LEAVE THE PARTY TRICKS AND SECRET WEAPONS FOR SOMEONE WHO IS MORE THAN JUST A REAL LIFE DILDO - Look sweetheart, this is drive through...not a three course frikkin meal. If he wants caviar then he will need to put in the effort. You will give him the standard burger and fries meal and he will like it. If he is particulary deserving then maybe you can super size it and I mean MAYBE, but don't be doing that willy nilly. The one night stand is much like fast food in the way that it always seems like such a good idea at the time...it smells good, it tastes good and it often hits the spot. Thing is with fast food though, the satisfaction in usually fleeting...and you are still left feeling hungry.

8 comments:

Raptor said...

bahah loved this. ive never had a one night stand..but sort of wish i had ;)

Obnoxious Owl said...

Don't believe the hype :)

Raptor said...

oh by the way

MUST.HAVE.THAT.SHIRT

ImeƱa said...

I absolutely love your comparisons.

bodykiss said...

Good advice!! Although not my cup of tea (& certianly not now that im in a relationship) but for those who like to 'indulge' it's awesome. (Even though I still fume when I think of a girl my bf had a one night stand with before we got together..I think HE should have thought about your first point!!)

Obnoxious Owl said...

Yup, the one night stand is not for the emotionally retarded. Thanks for reading x

bodykiss said...

not so much the emotional part but he should have thought about 'what he was getting himself into...', as I can only sum her up with a few not very nice words. Anyway, i'll stop rambling on about my own problems :P

Anonymous said...

do you have any idea where i can get that shirt? haha