Take my advice...I don't use it anyway Part quatre-vingt-dix-sept

SPEND THAT LITTLE EXTRA - I know there is a saying that goes 'Look after the pennies and the dollars will take care of themselves' or some shit, but hey there are some things that are worth splashing on.  Save 400 bucks on a long haul flight which turns a 21 hour journey into 43 hours. Yeah man, totally worth it! Not. Other things that are not worth the scrimp: baked beans (Heinz only thanks), shampoo and conditioner, underwear and toilet paper. You get what you pay for!

IF HE WANTS YOU, HE'LL FIND YOU. - Especially if he knows you are keen, and believe me...they know.

DON'T SIGN OFF YOUR EMAIL WITH 'THANKS YA'LL' - It's fucking lame. As my friend Alex would say, 'On the scale of 1 to lame this is lame'

IF YOU ARE ON A BUDGET GO TO GALLERY OPENINGS AND ART SHOWS - Those fuckers aren't shy with the wine and cheese buffet let me tell you!

NEVER TRUST A MAN WHO DRIVES A NON PRIMARY COLOUR CAR - Nothing says 'I'm a dickhead' like a bright and shiny purple/lime green or orange vehicle with a huge exhaust pipe. You know what they say....big exhaust, little penis.

DOES ANYONE KNOW OF ANYONE THAT HAS EVER GOTTEN BACK WITH AN EX AND THEY LIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER? - Serious question.

Take my advice...I don't use it anyway HOMME Part 11

FOR BOYS ONLY

ROSARY BEADS COULDN'T BE MORE OVER - Yes David Beckham kinda looked hot in them in ...when was it? 2001 maybe? But now it's just lame ESPECIALLY if you aren't even remotely religious. It's just my opinion.

DON'T GET THAT GIRLS NAME TATTOOED ON YOUR ARM ... - Or anywhere else for that matter. It's kinda romantic but it's also real silly.

WASH YOUR SHEETS - And make your bed. Else you won't get laid. FACT. And if you are getting laid in an unmade filthy bed...well...those girls need to check themselves.

SOMETIMES GIRLS WILL GIVE YOU THE IMPRESSION THAT THEY WILL HAVE SEX WITH YOU WHEN THEY HAVE NO INTENTION TO - If they keep avoiding the subject, it's 'cause they either don't wanna hurt your feelings, or because they wanna keep you interested for as long as possible while they figure out if they like you or not. If you want a quickie, find someone who shares your desire for no strings shenanigans otherwise...don't bother.

ALL YOUR FRIENDS FLIRT WITH YOUR HOT NEW GIRLFRIEND - Yes. All of them.

WE FAKE MOST OF THE TIME - It's not always a reflection on your performance...or lack there of. It's just that the female orgasm is a stubborn little fucker that needs more than a prod to come out of it's hiding place and sometimes we just aren't in the mood to make the effort. However ... some guys just seriously don't know what the fuck they are doing.

YOU KNOW WHEN SOME OF YOU SPEED AWAY WITH YOUR BIG NOISY EXHAUST PIPE IN A FURY? - You might wanna make sure you aren't leaving the petrol station after you just bought a Chocolate Chill and a Cadburys Fredo Frog. Epic fail on the street cred. Furthermore, it's not that impressive...no I'm lying...it's not impressive at all.

Boobs!!

The Obnoxious Owl Experience

I have a ridiculous relationship with my camera phone. It's not even a particularly good device but I just love the little sucker. I am a Nokia devotee because nothing pisses me off quite as much as when I a) can't work out technology or b) technology just doesn't work. I seriously want to stab a monkey in the face when my laptop freezes (for example). All I want my mobile phone for is text messages, phone calls and photos. My acrylics won't allow for a touch screen...and I just am not even remotely interested in the iphone. Yawn alert. Anyway, every now and then I'm gonna share with you a few snaps I capture during the life of the Owl...all lovingly captured by a little chrome Nokia 6700.

So we had a bit of a storm last week here in sweet Perth. And I would know...with one of my stores being flooded and sitting in traffic for two hours when I was only but a 5 minute drive away from home. It quite literally came out of nowhere...one minute the sun was smiling on us then the next God threw a fucking tanty!!! Water was quite frankly coming out of our ass! Thank FUCK the only damage done to me personally was coming close to killing myself out of boredom whilst stuck in traffic (I drive an automatic...so the gear stick was not an option). Because I'm telling you right this minute, heads would have bloody rolled if golf ball sized hail penetrated Queen Lizzy's windscreen.

Yes. That is a car submerged halfway in a 'puddle'. This snap was taken just before I had to mount the curb.

On a lighter note, I was wandering through the city a few weeks back and the delicious smell of spray paint suddenly filled my nostrils. Following the scent like a whore to PVC, I came across the fella's from Last Chance getting their spray on for Perth's arts and culture week...

The piece was along the wall of an entire lane in the city, so this photo does not do it any real justice but ain't the lil seal cute?! And that fucking magenta ocean is off the hook! The boys then agreed to get busy on an old shed as the backdrop for the Owl party that was the following weekend. Have a geez at this beauty....

Young Ben from Last Chance did an Owl mighty proud! The colours in the clouds and the detail in Mr Owl's face are hard to see here, but geez louise I was mega stoked with this. Thanks homies x

This week I had to pack up my life in a million...OK ten boxes. It went fairly well (two car trips just for clothes) but it took great gusto to attack my creative space that is my desk.

I fucking love this messy corner of organised chaos. Taking it apart was pure torture! I mean, it takes AGES for everything to land in it's rightful place. The dark shadows in this photo is very symbolic of my mood that evening. Fuck you end-of-lease lady.

The upside was the fresh mani I got the following day. I knew I wanted gold, and I knew I wanted pink (I have Lady Gaga coming up innit), so my nail goddess Nicki worked her nail hocus pocus and produced these claws...

I say this every time, but this really is my favourite one. There are even diamonds on my middle finger, so the next time I flip you the bird...ya'll got some bling to look at. See how thoughtful I am?

This fly little ride was parked in my hood a couple 'o weeks back...

Who the flying fuckity fuck do these fresh ass wheels think they are?! And furthermore...how can Lizzy become equally as pimped? Anyone?

Space invaders it may not be, but an Obnoxious Owl sticker holds it own...

Look at her just chillin there with Mr Obey! If anyone wants in on some Owly stickerness...holla with your deets and it'll be flying your way. And if you see me on the freeway, remember to indicate before you change lanes and gimme a hoot. Love love x

Take my advice...I don't use it anyway. Part trente-quatre

WHEN PURCHASING A NEW CAR, TRY TO STEER AWAY FROM THE COLOUR BLACK - It may look sexy to start with, but the bastard shows every conceivable bump, fingerprint and scratch. Ya need stamina for the ebony hue.

IF YOU ARE EVER CHOSEN TO DANCE ON STAGE WITH THE BAND, KEEP THE SKANK MOVES FOR YOUR BOUDOIR - For example, some ho got on stage over the weekend and tried to get her freak on and ended up kicking herself in the face. Hilarious.

DO NOT DRINK AND TEXT - I'll let ya'll go through my sent box the morning after. That shit will put you right off.

FROM THE AGE OF 25 YOU WILL NEED TO START APPLYING A NECK CREAM - The neck is added to your hands and the skin around your eyes for the things that give away your age.

VODKA AND VITAMIN WATER OVER ICE IS A GREAT DRINK - It has relatively zero calories, it's sort of healthy and it's mighty refreshing. Plus it's pretty chic...let's be honest.

IF YOU CAN'T SLEEP, GET YOUR HAND DOWN SOUTH AND INDULGE IN SOME SELF LOVE MAKING - There is not a sleeping tablet that can compare.

Good night and God bless x

Check out my ride ...

So at 28 years of age I finally acquired my driving license. Don't snigger... I spent the better half of my twenties in London...and driving over there was just a decadence that I could not afford.

So anyway, with a license comes some wheels. So I treated myself to a brand new Nissan City Micra. Nissan do them in 15 splendid colours all named after a particular city. I chose Madrid Black. Ain't she cute? Small and curvy...a bit like me.

Dontcha think it kinda looks like a London cab? So I've kinda driven one all along anyway! Kinda. As she resembles the famous car from the Big Smoke, I've naturally named her Queen Lizzy.

And If driving a black cab is good enough for Mossy...well then...you know the rest.

I have my nails done every two weeks like clockwork. So, inspired by my new ebony wheels I had them done like so...

I go to this Chinese Goddess named Nikki. She works from home and after having my nails done for 6 years, I can honestly say that she is the BEST. If you are a Perth lady, get your ass down there and 'ave her paint your talons. Here are her deets: Nikki from FUSION NAILS, Tel: 0431 600 373 - 5 ST LOUIS AVE, HOCKING - WA

Beep beep xx