THINGS THAT ARE ENJOYABLE...3

NEW KICKS - They are so shiny, and clean and you have a million outfit possibilities going on in your head and your day is instantly brighter.

THEMED CUPCAKES - I HATE themed parties but I LOVE themed cupcakes. It's just genius, plus it's an entire little cake just for one single individual. It's almost too good to eat...almost.

PARTY PLANNING WITH FRIENDS - It is one of the biggest bonding exercises there is. Check out how much we have bonded when you get on down to the Owl for Haiti party on the 27Th, for all you West Coast Australians :)

SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE? - Or as I call it, 'SO YOU RECKON YOU CAN PRANCE?' - the judges, the outfits, the mock crying, Natalie Bassingthwaite's desperate attempts to be like Cat Deeley whilst pretending she's not in it to promote her new dreadful album etc etc it's just pure TACKtacular!

WHEN YOU ACTUALLY RECEIVE SOME WANTED ATTENTION - Like when a friend you have a mini crush on compliments you, or a hottie gives you the wink. It does to your self esteem what Purex Fabric Softener does to your pj's.

BODY CONTOURING UNDERWEAR - It shaves inches off. Hey you skinny bitches...don't judge.

It's the little things...x

Take my advice...I don't use it anyway. Part trente-quatre

WHEN PURCHASING A NEW CAR, TRY TO STEER AWAY FROM THE COLOUR BLACK - It may look sexy to start with, but the bastard shows every conceivable bump, fingerprint and scratch. Ya need stamina for the ebony hue.

IF YOU ARE EVER CHOSEN TO DANCE ON STAGE WITH THE BAND, KEEP THE SKANK MOVES FOR YOUR BOUDOIR - For example, some ho got on stage over the weekend and tried to get her freak on and ended up kicking herself in the face. Hilarious.

DO NOT DRINK AND TEXT - I'll let ya'll go through my sent box the morning after. That shit will put you right off.

FROM THE AGE OF 25 YOU WILL NEED TO START APPLYING A NECK CREAM - The neck is added to your hands and the skin around your eyes for the things that give away your age.

VODKA AND VITAMIN WATER OVER ICE IS A GREAT DRINK - It has relatively zero calories, it's sort of healthy and it's mighty refreshing. Plus it's pretty chic...let's be honest.

IF YOU CAN'T SLEEP, GET YOUR HAND DOWN SOUTH AND INDULGE IN SOME SELF LOVE MAKING - There is not a sleeping tablet that can compare.

Good night and God bless x

GREAT SONGS FOR A DANCE OFF

So I have this great friend named Asha Davies. We mainly bonded over a love for Indian culture, hairy boys and red wine but the thing we both loved to do is dance like no one is watching. Actually, we're both exhibitionists so we are probably always hoping that everyone is watching. These are some of the ultimate songs that need to be the soundtrack to you burning a hole in the dance floor...

• Wolf Like Me by TV on the Radio. I dare you not to produce Pulp Fiction esque dance moves.
• Ever Fallen in Love? by The Buzzcocks. Someone is bound to fall in love with you while you're grooving to this number.
• Rock Lobster by The B52's. This one actually belongs to my friend Beck. It's infectious.
• Hummingbird by Born Ruffians. This will always make you feel like you are in a cool club in New York, even though you are just in your front room in owl print pyjamas. Um....not that I ever do that.
• Flux by Bloc Party. Try not to tap your foot...I dare ya.
• Groove is in the Heart by Deelite. Get your disco on baby.
• Skeleton Boy by Friendly Fires. I recommend this for a dance off on mass.
• Get Down by The Kills. This is all about the shoulders.
• Standing in the Way of Control by The Gossip - preferably the Soulwax remix. Listen to it, you'll know what I mean.
• ANYTHING by The Rapture. And I do mean ANYTHING.
• Bizarre Love Triangle by New Order. This requires alot of singing along and kneeling.

Well there we go. These are just a few. I'm not telling you all of my favourites. Some things are sacred don't you know.
Go forth and groove.